2698: How to Overcome and Conquer Fear by Shirley of Daring Living on Self-Help & Mental Health

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Finance Daily, episode 2698, How to Overcome and Conquer Fear by Shirley of

[00:00:08] DaringLiving.com.

[00:00:09] And I'm your host and personal finance enthusiast, Diania Merriam.

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[00:00:42] How to Overcome and Conquer Fear by Shirley of DaringLiving.com.

[00:00:49] Are you sick and tired of feeling afraid and timid all the time?

[00:00:53] Friend, know that you're not alone.

[00:00:56] You're going to be just fine.

[00:00:58] Being afraid had been a huge part of my life growing up.

[00:01:01] I hated myself for being held back by my fears and not putting myself out there to

[00:01:05] try new things and do the things I actually wanted to do.

[00:01:09] Over the last few years, I've slowly evolved my relationship with fear.

[00:01:13] I've grown from hiding from fear to confronting my fear to finally acknowledging fear

[00:01:20] and now sitting with it.

[00:01:22] What I learned is that you can build so much strength from fear.

[00:01:26] Fear is a very negative and uncomfortable feeling.

[00:01:29] You feel very uncertain and unsafe.

[00:01:32] Sometimes we're not even feeling afraid of the outcome, we're simply feeling afraid

[00:01:36] to FEEL that fear.

[00:01:38] If you're feeling very fearful toward a situation right now, I want to offer you three simple

[00:01:43] steps to manage that fear better.

[00:01:47] Three steps to managing and overcoming your fear.

[00:01:51] Number one, name that fear.

[00:01:53] If you're feeling afraid, you need to call out that fear and identify it.

[00:01:58] Oftentimes when we're confronted by fear, the automatic response is to protect ourselves

[00:02:02] and hide from that fear.

[00:02:04] But what if you can lean in toward it just a bit and identify what that fear actually

[00:02:09] looks like to you?

[00:02:11] What exactly are you afraid of?

[00:02:13] Are you afraid of failing?

[00:02:14] Are you afraid of others' opinions about you?

[00:02:16] Are you afraid of people leaving you?

[00:02:18] Are you afraid of not being good enough?

[00:02:21] Sometimes for one situation there can be multiple types of fears.

[00:02:25] Instead of simply feeling afraid, try listing out exactly what your fears are so you can

[00:02:29] call them out.

[00:02:31] Number two, analyze your fear.

[00:02:34] Determine if the result is worth these fears.

[00:02:38] After you have listed out your fears, go through each of the fears and ask yourself

[00:02:41] these questions.

[00:02:43] Is my desire for the result greater than this fear?

[00:02:47] Is this the kind of fear that excites me and scares me at the same time?

[00:02:51] Will I regret not having done this one day if I choose to give in to my fear?

[00:02:56] If your answer is yes to all three of these questions, you should probably pursue this

[00:03:00] fear.

[00:03:01] Nowadays, I use fear as a compass to guide me.

[00:03:04] You're feeling afraid because it means something to you.

[00:03:08] Number three, change your story about that fear.

[00:03:11] Once you have decided to pursue the action, the next step is to change your thinking

[00:03:16] around that fear.

[00:03:17] You need to create a more empowering reason for feeling afraid.

[00:03:22] Fear is simply a feeling.

[00:03:24] When we feel fear, we're creating our own definition and meaning about why we're

[00:03:28] feeling afraid.

[00:03:29] Instead of defaulting to a negative thought and story for yourself, you can purposefully

[00:03:34] create deliberate, more empowering thoughts for that feeling.

[00:03:38] For example, I'm scared of public speaking.

[00:03:41] The negative story about that fear would be, I'll mess up.

[00:03:45] People will laugh at me.

[00:03:46] I'll forget my lines.

[00:03:48] The more empowering story for that fear would be, doing this is important to me.

[00:03:53] I will grow from this experience.

[00:03:55] My desire to spread my ideas is much more important than my fear.

[00:03:58] What I want to share is valuable so people really be focusing on what I say instead

[00:04:04] of how I'm behaving.

[00:04:06] Notice the difference between these thoughts and how they can really influence how you

[00:04:10] feel about that situation.

[00:04:12] Either way, you're feeling afraid.

[00:04:15] But the thoughts about that fear are now different.

[00:04:19] Excitement vs. fear.

[00:04:21] Also did you know that the feeling of excitement and fear actually produced the same type

[00:04:25] of chemical release in your body?

[00:04:27] But what differentiates us from feeling fear compared to feeling excitement is simply

[00:04:32] our own interpretation of that feeling.

[00:04:35] Crazy right?

[00:04:36] So next time if you feel afraid, you can really justify your feeling by saying

[00:04:40] I am excited about blank instead.

[00:04:44] This will change your entire story and thoughts about the situation.

[00:04:48] About courage.

[00:04:50] To live a daring life means to embrace and accept every piece of us including our insecurities,

[00:04:55] our imperfections, and our fears.

[00:04:58] I know very well that sometimes we hide from fear and we refuse to feel it.

[00:05:03] But during those vulnerable moments if you feel afraid, acknowledge it for being

[00:05:07] there and still decide to show up to do what you wanted to do anyways, repeatedly, again

[00:05:13] and again.

[00:05:15] That is called courage.

[00:05:17] You need to be afraid to be strong.

[00:05:20] Sometimes in order to grow, you need to face your fears to be better than who you were.

[00:05:24] And it is only when you are able to embrace yourself completely can you truly live a more

[00:05:29] honest, courageous, and passionate life.

[00:05:33] This is what living and daring life is all about.

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[00:07:38] Thank you to Shirley.

[00:07:41] This one is tough and many of us come to places like this, this podcast or seminars

[00:07:46] or books to try to overcome deep rooted fears.

[00:07:50] And it's difficult.

[00:07:51] I definitely get it.

[00:07:52] And sometimes it needs a bit more like help from a therapist, a counselor, a psychologist,

[00:07:58] psychiatrist, what have you.

[00:08:00] This sounds like I'm about to go into an ad about therapy but I'm not.

[00:08:03] I'm just saying that this can be really difficult for many and sometimes getting outside help

[00:08:08] is what's needed so I wanted to throw that in there.

[00:08:11] But with that have a great rest of your day, hopefully not a fearful day and I'll

[00:08:15] see you tomorrow.

[00:08:16] Where your optimal life awaits.