2733: 4 Ways To Take The Ego Out of Money Decisions by Mindy Crary with Tiny Buddha on Personal Finance

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[00:01:07] treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This is Optimal Finance Daily, episode 2733.

[00:01:14] Four ways to take the ego out of money decisions by Minda Crary with tinybuddha.com.

[00:01:20] And I'm your host and personal finance enthusiast, Diana Merriam.

[00:01:25] Thanks so much for joining me once again on Optimal Finance Daily. This is a show where

[00:01:30] I read articles about personal finance to you with the author's permission. I like to say that the

[00:01:35] bloggers wrote the songs and I get to perform the covers. So without further ado, let's get right to

[00:01:41] today's post and start optimizing your life. Four ways to take the ego out of money decisions

[00:01:52] by Mindy Crary with tinybuddha.com.

[00:01:57] Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want.

[00:02:03] Jeffrey Abbott

[00:02:05] Nothing has the power to mess up my finances more than my own brain, or more precisely, my ego.

[00:02:12] According to Eckhart Tolle, the ego entails the habitual and compulsive thought processes

[00:02:18] that go through everybody's mind continuously. Left unchecked, this constant ego monologue

[00:02:24] prevents us from focusing on the present moment. Instead, we get caught up in worrying about what

[00:02:30] happens next, or in my case, what I want to buy next. My Ego Challenges

[00:02:37] As a financial planner, you would think that I would have mastered money challenges.

[00:02:41] But the reality is, I've struggled as much as the next person because I allowed my ego to drive my

[00:02:47] decisions for almost five years. When you're a new financial planner, it's easy to get caught up

[00:02:53] in creating the image of a successful planner. In fact, my first manager told me it was okay

[00:02:59] to go into debt to get a successful wardrobe. And it doesn't stop there. I bought the right car,

[00:03:05] the right house, in the right neighborhood. And before long, I was exhausted from maintaining

[00:03:11] appearances. I may have looked like the perfect planner, but I sure didn't feel like one.

[00:03:17] I never enjoyed my successes because I was too obsessed with getting the next thing on the list.

[00:03:23] I finally realized that no amount of money would ever be enough to feel happy,

[00:03:27] regardless of what my ego told me. And so much money was going to maintaining appearances

[00:03:33] that I never felt truly prosperous, even though I was making more money than I ever had before.

[00:03:39] That was the point at which I sold a successful practice and struck out on my own. I decided

[00:03:45] that if I wasn't happy with what I had, I needed to reboot. I don't think everyone needs to take

[00:03:51] such drastic action. Most people can simply bring more awareness to their decisions and start to

[00:03:56] course correct as they go. The reason I changed everything so dramatically, sold my business and

[00:04:03] my home and moved to a completely new city was that I not only needed to get clear, I needed

[00:04:09] to recuperate. Letting my ego drive my life choices and burying my true self had made me

[00:04:15] physically sick with hypothyroidism and adrenal burnout. It took me another five years to heal

[00:04:22] and really understand what was going on, why I had made the money decisions I made,

[00:04:27] and what really felt like my own choices versus the choices made by my ego.

[00:04:33] The 4 ways to tame your ego

[00:04:36] You don't have to be a slave to your ego. Whenever it rears its head,

[00:04:40] try these four steps to get back in control.

[00:04:43] Number 1. Become aware

[00:04:46] You can tell that your ego is present in situations when you feel yourself becoming stressed,

[00:04:51] defensive, outraged, offended and angry. Your ego is telling you that there's a deviation from the

[00:04:58] ideal scenario and you have to fix it. Instead, remind yourself that perfect isn't the goal

[00:05:03] anymore and you'll never be the ideal scenario if you want to be authentically you.

[00:05:09] Number 2. Stay present

[00:05:12] When you focus on the future, you're making things up. You actually have no idea what the future

[00:05:17] holds. Financial happiness depends on your ability to disregard the worrying activity of the ego

[00:05:23] Stay present in the moment

[00:05:25] There was a time when I was trying to survive on very little money. One day, I was waiting for

[00:05:31] payment to come in the mail that was going to cover my expenses for the next week and I couldn't

[00:05:35] go grocery shopping until I opened the mail. When I did, the payment wasn't there. But rather than

[00:05:41] freak out, I brought myself back to the present moment. How much money did I really need right

[00:05:47] that very moment? I realized that bills weren't actually due for another 5 days. And I had lasagna

[00:05:53] in the freezer and plenty of staples. I didn't actually need to go grocery shopping, which meant

[00:05:59] that that check didn't need to come that day. Once I realized that, I was elated that I could have so

[00:06:05] little money in the bank and yet feel so secure in the moment. Number 3. Focus on the essence

[00:06:12] Letting go of the should in your life, the specific structure or action the ego wants,

[00:06:18] allows you to focus on the essence of what you want instead of the form.

[00:06:22] When I was looking for my first apartment out of college, initially I was obsessed with the idea

[00:06:27] of living in Northwest Portland because that was the cool place to live. But when I looked

[00:06:32] at apartments there, they were noisy, old, small and crowded, which was completely the opposite of

[00:06:39] the apartment living experience that I had been dreaming of. I realized that when I pictured my

[00:06:44] new place, it was somewhere quiet, green, serene, open, airy and away from the hustle and bustle

[00:06:51] of business. So if I had rented an apartment where I was supposed to want to live, I would

[00:06:57] have regretted that decision. By focusing on the experience I knew I wanted to have first,

[00:07:02] the essence of my desire, I was able to find an apartment about 10 minutes away

[00:07:07] that made me much happier than I would have been living in the noisy downtown area.

[00:07:13] Buddha believes that the origin of suffering is attachment to transient things,

[00:07:18] which not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas. Abraham Hicks says

[00:07:24] that you can have the essence of anything you want, but it rarely comes in the form you expect

[00:07:30] or want. But if you allow it, the result is better than you could have ever imagined.

[00:07:36] And number four, manage expectations. The moment you become aware of your ego's

[00:07:42] expectations around situations, the less power it has over you. I often notice it leaking when

[00:07:49] I'm driving. If I'm getting frustrated with other drivers, I know that I'm buying into

[00:07:53] the way things should be instead of accepting what is. When this happens, I take a close look

[00:07:59] at all of the areas of my life to see where I'm letting my ego create expectations for me.

[00:08:05] There's no specific object or thing, position or status that you need to help define who you

[00:08:11] are in this world, or that in and of itself will help you achieve financial happiness.

[00:08:17] The moment you let go of that, the real you is free to explore a life uniquely suited to you

[00:08:23] and better, definitely more affordable than you could have ever imagined.

[00:08:31] You just listened to the post titled, Four Ways to Take the Ego Out of Money Decisions

[00:08:37] by Mindy Crary with tinybuddha.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:09:53] Looking to part ways with complicated, expensive and uncertain shipping,

[00:09:58] then give your business the edge it needs with USPS Ground Advantage shipping from the United

[00:10:04] States Postal Service. Keep everything simple with clear upfront pricing and no unexpected

[00:10:10] surcharges. Keep things affordable with some of the lowest prices out there and keep it all

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[00:10:24] USPS.com slash advantage USPS Ground Advantage. Simple, affordable, reliable.

[00:10:33] I think there's so much ego tied up in money because it's so easy for us to confuse our net

[00:10:38] worth with our self-worth. But when you take a step back and really think about it, money is

[00:10:43] just an impersonal, dispassionate tool. However, it can be easy to forget this when we're comparing

[00:10:50] ourselves to others. The egoic desire to keep up with the Joneses is a very real dynamic that can

[00:10:56] be managed. I have a friend who says the best way to not get lost in this game is to simply not hang

[00:11:03] out with the Joneses. If we surround ourselves with people who aren't materialistic, that will

[00:11:09] inevitably influence us to stay focused on what truly matters in life. I also like the advice

[00:11:15] in today's article to stay present. For me, this means also being grateful for what I have now.

[00:11:22] The simplest way to curb an egoic desire for more is to foster a sense of appreciation for what I

[00:11:28] already have. And that brings us to the end for today. Thanks so much for listening all the way

[00:11:34] through and I'll catch you tomorrow for our next episode where your optimal life awaits.