2835: How to Resist Shopping and Find Better Ways to Feel Better by Karen Trefzger of Maximum Gratitude Minimal Stuff

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[00:01:06] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Finance Daily.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: How to resist shopping and find better ways to feel better by Karen Trefsker of maximum

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00]: time gratitude minimalstuff.com and on your host impersonal finance enthusiasts, Diana

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Mariam.

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Now let's get to today's post as we optimize your life.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: How to resist shopping and find better ways to feel better by Karen Trefsker of maximum

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_00]: gratitude minimalstuff.com.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes I feel like shopping, it's true.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Even after more than 20 years of decluttering, simplifying my life, becoming debt free and

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00]: writing about minimalism, I sometimes feel like shopping, even though I don't need anything.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: The 2020 holiday season was one such time.

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: After a year of so many trials and disappointments, it was tempting to try to buy

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: my way out of feeling blue at Christmas.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I had a full virtual cart.

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_00]: All I needed was a couple of clicks.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00]: So I did what I always do now.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I waited.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I waited because nothing in the cart was an urgent need.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I already had gifts for my grandsons, plenty of holiday decor, Christmas cards to address,

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: goodies to make for the neighbors, and I didn't need anything for myself.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I waited because what I really wanted was some hope and joy, and I knew a couple of

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: gadgets, a sweater, and a book or two wouldn't provide that.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I was anxious and a little depressed, and I wanted those feelings to go away.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: But I remembered other times when I tried to shop or eat my way out of sadness, and

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: all the times that didn't work, so I was able to resist.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Buying something new might give a momentary lift, experiencing something new or exciting

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00]: activates dopamine receptors in your brain, but it doesn't last.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00]: The gratification is short, and then you need something else to get that high again.

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_00]: You experience disappointment, guilt, debt, and clutter.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Bad things that make you want to shop, or eat, or drink, or escape.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: It's a vicious cycle.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00]: But we can resist shopping, and maybe even find better ways to feel better.

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_00]: 11 ways to buy less.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00]: 1. Weight

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_00]: This is the essential first step.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Add the item to your cart if you must. Then wait.

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00]: For a day, three days, a week, a month.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Can you even remember wanting it? If you still don't need it, let it go.

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: 2. Look inside

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: When you have the urge to shop for something you don't need, open your journal or

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_00]: the note taking app on your phone and examine that urge.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00]: What are you really looking for? Is it the thing for sale or something more?

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00]: What can you do to get the feeling you want? If you write about your true wants and desires,

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: you'll understand yourself and your motivation's better.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: There's no judgment here. Just greater understanding.

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_00]: 3. Give

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I used to justify excess shopping because I was shopping for gifts. I had a long gift list,

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'm positive about many things the recipient didn't need or want.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: You see something cute or pretty or sparkly or otherwise just right,

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_00]: and you think I can give that to so-and-so. The pleasure lasts a moment,

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00]: but giving to someone who is truly in need will fill you with joy.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Send farm animals to help make a family self-sufficient,

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00]: make a micro loan to help an entrepreneur lift her family out of poverty,

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_00]: or give an orphan that chance to grow up with a family.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: 4. Be thankful

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Start a gratitude journal and turn your focus from what you don't have to what you do possess.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Make it a habit every morning to think of three things to look forward to,

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: and every evening to remember three things that were good about your day.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: 5. Declutter

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Before you buy something new, get rid of things you don't use or love.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Remember that you bought all of this stuff thinking that it would meet a need,

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00]: improve your life, or otherwise make you happy.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Now it's in the back of your closet or in a box in the garage.

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Did it do for you what you thought it would?

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: 6. Stay away

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Ads, sales and coupons are designed to activate our shopping reflex.

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00]: So make it easier to resist by putting up barriers.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Unsubscribe from emails that tempt you. Stay away from websites that are more

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: add than content. Just say no to any media that constantly pushes you to buy or redecorate

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: or otherwise be dissatisfied with what you already have. You may need a little distance from some

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00]: people and brick and mortar shops as well. 7. Experiment

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Try a shopping ban. Create your own rules such as the length of the ban and the items that are

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: off limits. Invite some friends to join you and think of fun shopping alternatives you can do together.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00]: 8. Buy for today

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Be honest about how a purchase fits into your actual life and not just your aspirational life.

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_00]: For example, don't buy clothes a size too small hoping you'll fit into them one day.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Buy the size you need and wear the pieces now. Don't buy a musical instrument because you plan to

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00]: start taking lessons. Barrow or rent a practice quality item.

[00:07:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't buy expensive fitness equipment with the idea you'll establish a routine for using it.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Start with walking, running or bodyweight exercises. Leave investments and skinny jeans,

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00]: pianos and weight benches for the day the jeans fit. You've become a decent pianist who plays

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: often and working out as a solid habit. 9. Be intentional

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Shopping is not a hobby. It's not a pastime or social activity. Never head to the store

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: without a list or a plan. You may not know the exact thing you need to buy but you know the gap

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: you're filling such as a particular clothing item or equipment for a specific task.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00]: 10. Choose another activity

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Read a book, take a walk, ride your bike, put on some music and dance.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Invite a friend over for coffee or lunch or meet virtually. Give yourself a manicure

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00]: or enjoy a soak in the tub. Smell the roses, watch a sunset or gaze at the stars.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Get away from that store or that online cart and fill your life with something better.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: 11. Return it

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00]: If all else fails, return that thing you bought because you were bored or curious or sad.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled How to Resist Shopping and find better ways

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_00]: to feel better by Karen Trefsker of Maximum Grattitude Minimal Stuff.com

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_00]: This article reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_00]: She says quote, we feel desperate to experience gratification. So much so that we rob ourselves of it

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_00]: by overindulging and quote. She's actually talking about alcohol but I think the statement is applicable

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00]: to shopping as well. Shopping excessively is simply a learned behavior for coping with the human

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_00]: condition. Most of us are lonely, anxious and unfifilled in some way. So we distract ourselves from

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_00]: these feelings in many ways. Shopping is just one. I think we'll continue to spend a lot of time

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_00]: energy and money avoiding our feelings until we realize that it's not a good long term solution.

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: There are lots of techniques and strategies to reduce your spending and address shopaholic behaviors.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But I think if you really want to get to the root cause of your spending, get curious about

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_00]: the feelings you're working so hard to avoid. Ask yourself what triggers your urge to shop.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Is it boredom, stress or the need for validation? Once you identify the underlying emotions,

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00]: you can start finding healthier ways to cope. For instance engaging in physical activities,

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_00]: practicing mindfulness, or talking to a therapist, can be more effective in the long run.

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_00]: By addressing the emotional triggers head-on, you can break the cycle of overindulgence and

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: find more meaningful ways to satisfy your needs. Understanding this can lead to a more balanced

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_00]: and fulfilling life where gratification is achieved without the detrimental effects of excessive shopping.

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And that'll do it for another edition of Optimal Finance Daily. Thank you for listening

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'll be here again with you tomorrow. So I'll see you there where you're optimal life awaits.