2842: How Mindful Are Your Relationships by Melani Schweder of No Sidebar on Intentional Living

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[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_02]: This is Optimal Finance Daily.

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_02]: How Mindful Are Your Relationships by Melani Schweder with NoSidebar.com

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm your host and personal finance enthusiast Diania Merriam.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to our Sunday bonus episode where I share an article with you from a different podcast in our network.

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Today's episode comes from Optimal Relationships Daily.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_02]: So with that, here's Greg with the post and commentary as we optimize your life.

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_01]: How Mindful Are Your Relationships by Melani Schweder of NoSidebar.com

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Your energy is a valuable resource and you're giving it away much too freely.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_01]: How many times have you felt like you're the only one putting in the work in a relationship?

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you feel like you're always the first one to reach out,

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_01]: the first one to suggest plans,

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_01]: the first one to make a move.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_01]: While this in and of itself is not a bad thing,

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_01]: when it becomes a pattern, it can be a red flag.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Too many of us keep pouring energy into one-sided relationships.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_01]: But why?

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_01]: In the Zen philosophy, where you invest your energy can in turn create your reality.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_01]: And just like how you work, how you keep your home,

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and how you treat your body can reflect your inner priorities,

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_01]: the relationships that you maintain can either help or hinder your quest for simplicity and health.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Relationships and Self-Care

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_01]: We are social creatures,

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_01]: and we require a certain amount of interaction, support, and love from people in order to feel good.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_01]: But what happens when those relationships start to drain us?

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: What if they take away more than they supply?

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately too many people are stuck in this position,

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01]: overpacking their calendars with social events that they would really rather say no to

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_01]: in order to have the illusion of maintaining a certain importance, standing, or feeling of belonging.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_01]: We're taught to spread our nets wide and to have a large circle of friends,

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_01]: and our culture looks up to those with the biggest groups of contacts.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_01]: But this takes a lot of time and energy.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Building a relationship, whether it's for business, friendship, or something else,

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_01]: requires input and commitment.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_01]: And too often this takes away from our downtime, our self-care,

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and our pursuits of hobbies and other things that light us up.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Despite the message that bigger social networks are better,

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_01]: research has shown that we can't actually maintain deep, lasting, and fulfilling relationships

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_01]: with more than about 12 people at any given time.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Whether you're an introvert or extrovert,

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: crafting your inner circle of loved ones takes mindfulness

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_01]: and a willingness to let go of some of your own expectations.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I've seen in my own life and the lives of my loved ones

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_01]: the expectation monster rear its ugly head

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_01]: and destroy what could have been a healthy relationship.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Learning to let go and let people be exactly who they are

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: is one of the keys to living a more free, happy, and mindful life.

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Easier said than done, I know.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Removing the unnecessary

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Living simply means cutting back to what really matters

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and that extends to our relationships too.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Perhaps you've done a friend purge on social media

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_01]: or witnessed the slow, fizzle-out of acquaintances in the past.

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_01]: However, in your quest for inner peace

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_01]: it's important to sit down and be deliberate about who you let stay in your life.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I can't tell you how many people I've unfriended or unfollowed

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_01]: because that energy didn't resonate with mine.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_01]: They were bringing me down in some way.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I also can't tell you how many people simply disappeared from my life

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_01]: when I stopped always being the one to reach out and talk or make plans.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I gave up on their half-hearted texting,

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_01]: their non-committal answers,

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_01]: their general ambivalence about me and their life.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_01]: And yes, it hurt.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_01]: It hurt badly with some of those people.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_01]: And yes, it still hurts sometimes.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm human after all.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_01]: But I feel so much less shame,

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_01]: guilt, and discomfort about saying a hardy farewell to the people

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: who don't respect my energy.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Taking stock of your current relationships may sound cold or unemotional,

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_01]: but in truth it's anything but.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_01]: This process requires you to become fully present in yourself

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: and tune into your body's energy.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_01]: It invites you to define your priorities

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: and surround yourself with people who support and uplift those priorities.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_01]: You'll have to really listen to your higher self here

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_01]: as you think about the people you keep in your circle

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_01]: and how they make you feel.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_01]: And while it's not always realistic

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_01]: to expect your friends to make you feel warm and fuzzy all the time,

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_01]: it's critical to weigh your investment of time and energy.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_01]: A mindful invitation.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_01]: What kinds of benefits do your loved ones bring to your life?

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_01]: How do they add value?

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Do you leave feeling anxious or negative after a visit with them?

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Or do you feel awake and happy?

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_01]: How much energy do they demand from you?

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_01]: And how much energy do they invest in return?

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: If you're willing to take a hard look at your relationships

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_01]: and make the choice to value yourself enough to pare down in this area,

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_01]: you'll find that inner peace is much more attainable.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Sit down and contemplate the people you surround yourself with.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Think back to how you met them,

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_01]: what activities you typically do together

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and how you feel after you spend time with them.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Grab a journal or simply sit in reflection

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_01]: and ask the hard questions.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Do these people truly know you?

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Respect your time and support your self-development?

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Take a look at your friendships, work contacts,

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_01]: who you follow on social media,

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and even your family members.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Be willing to let unsupportive relationships fade

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_01]: or if necessary, cut them out completely.

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I know this is a hard process, friends,

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and is a continual practice.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Setting healthy boundaries is a critical aspect of self-care

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_01]: and one that far too many of us ignore.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_01]: We're energetic creatures

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_01]: and we exchange energy with each and every person we interact with,

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_01]: whether it's face-to-face, over the phone or through a screen.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_01]: But trust me, after you've worked these muscles long enough,

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_01]: it will get easier to spot the people who don't support your best self.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_01]: You deserve to find your tribe.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_01]: This is your year for more mindful, intentional, healthy,

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and simple relationships.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_01]: You just listened to the post titled

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_01]: How Mindful Are Your Relationships

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_01]: by Melanie Schwader of nosidebar.com

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[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_01]: And thanks a lot to Melanie for this wonderful article and reminder.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_01]: It is such a tough truth to confront, and we often won't.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_01]: It can be much easier and much less frightening

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_01]: to keep relationships around solely for convenience or familiarity

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_01]: rather than something more meaningful

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and more often than not it's a subconscious choice.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_01]: However, on the other side of the spectrum,

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_01]: we might run the risk of removing people from our lives

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_01]: simply due to a recent disagreement or frustration

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_01]: or being so devoted to self-care that we're unwilling to

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_01]: make any sacrifices or put up with any of their shortcomings.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_01]: And obviously this can be very damaging too,

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_01]: and we want to find that line in the middle.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_01]: So do take this opportunity to think about your friendships

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and what they truly offer you,

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_01]: what you need and what you're willing to sacrifice.

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And take stock of this over time as well

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_01]: so as not to let your current emotions get the best of you

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_01]: in the face of one single argument, maybe.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_01]: This is something I've been working on myself,

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_01]: so I'm really glad we found this article at the right time.

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_01]: That is the end though everyone.

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I do hope this episode provided value for you today

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_01]: and of course I hope you will be back for more tomorrow.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll see you there for the Wednesday show

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_01]: where your Optima Life awaits.