2848: What FI Seekers and Dexter Have In Common by Helene Massicotte of Free to Pursue on Financial Independence

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep?

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[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Finance Daily, What FI Seekers and Dexter Have In Common by Helene Massicotte

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00]: of FreeToPursue.com. And I'm your host and personal finance enthusiast, Dianna Merriam.

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Now let's get to today's post as we optimize your life.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_00]: What FI Seekers and Dexter Have In Common by Helene Massicotte of FreeToPursue.com

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully none of you, dear listeners, are wanted by police. I'm certainly not trying to

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00]: imply that this is the case. However, there are undeniable similarities between

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: free-to-pursue readers and financial independents or FI seekers in general,

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and the beloved friendly neighborhood serial killer we call Dexter.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: For those of you who aren't familiar with Dexter, he's a character originally dreamed up by

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: author Jeff Lindsay in Darkly Dreaming Dexter, which, along with subsequent novels, was turned

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00]: into a wildly popular Showtime television series. It's quite entertaining, and just watching

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00]: the first two episodes leaves you with a reasonable idea of what it might be like to be him.

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: So what could you possibly have in common with Dexter? Almost everything, except for the

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: stalking, killing, and disposing of the body parts. Not convinced yet? Let me prove it with

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00]: the following eight points. You have something to hide. You sometimes question your drive to do

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_00]: things that are wrong or different. Your inner voice never quiets down. You don't feel normal,

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and you seek out others like you. You know you're supposed to feel a certain way,

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00]: and you don't. The outcomes of your lifestyle are admired, but not their origin.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: You maintain some cultural rituals just to fit in. And doing what drives you is how

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: life makes sense. Let's take a look at each of these points, in case the list itself didn't

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_00]: result in some lightbulb moments. Number one, you have something to hide. We all do, but what

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_00]: many fires or phi-seekers have to hide is the pursuit of financial independence itself,

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: or one better, having reached it. Funny thing is, hiding debt or being in debt

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: is so common now that it's almost normal. Not pursuing the good materialistic life

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: and the next promotion to stay above water as you do is, well, weird, even creepy.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00]: You worry about the ridicule, the questioning of your sanity, and of your values, the questioning

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: of you. Number two, you sometimes question your drive. When you get infected with the idea that

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00]: why isn't only possible, but a worthwhile pursuit, you're officially weird. Society's

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: messages about what you need to do, what you should do, are everywhere. And increasingly,

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: like Dexter, you find you're less and less compliant with the messages, which only increases

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: this feeling of being weird. It can be unsettling and can easily lead to a slip up back into

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_00]: conformity, if only for a while. Number three, your inner voice never quiets down.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: The more changes you've made in your life in the pursuit of phi, the more amplified the

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: differences between you and the general population. And the closer you are to your goal,

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: the more your values skew towards intrinsic pursuits. Your dark passenger, also known as

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Dexter's inner drive to kill, compels you to guard your newfound feeling of freedom

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00]: and control over your destiny above all else. Your inner dialogue is more powerful than ever,

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: leading you to new insights, new questions, new pursuits, an ever improving and ever more

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_00]: powerful version of you. Number four, you don't feel normal and you seek out others like you.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Given your official status of weird, you can start feeling pretty lonely. That drives a need to

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00]: belong somewhere, to find others like you, to find your tribe. The internet now offers a

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: wonderful new way to connect with others who feel and are different from what might be called

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_00]: the norm. The phi community is a wonderful group to tap into, to feel the warm fuzzies

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: of interacting with others who share some of the same values, such as defining your worth

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00]: with measures other than how much stuff you have and how you appear to others.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Number five, you know you're supposed to feel a certain way and you don't. You're supposed

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: to be delighted to have a solid career with good prospects for advancement, even a pension.

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Wow, right? Right? You're supposed to want the new car, the bigger house, the lavish

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00]: vacations, the summer home, the two kids, the fill in the blank. But you don't. Frankly,

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_00]: you don't see the point of these things if they're not deeply fulfilling. However,

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00]: you do know that you must congratulate others as they achieve these societal milestones of

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: achievement, lest you be exposed as one of the others. You force the look of delight and

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_00]: genuine admiration and utter the requisite words that accompany them while, at the same time,

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: hiding the pity you feel that they're spiraling ever deeper in a less desirable

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: direction than you've found makes you genuinely happy. What you value has fundamentally changed.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Your perception has shifted to another resource more limited than money, time. Ample time allows

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00]: you to focus on what most of the world says it values but doesn't show through action,

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00]: nurturing relationships, health, giving, personal growth and exploration, sucking the marrow out

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_00]: of life. Number six, the positive outcomes of your lifestyle are admired, but not their origin.

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Others admire self-sufficiency and real-life vigilantes when it's not too close to home.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: It needs to be out of reach, pushed away by a number of, I'd like to but I can't because…

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Ask anyone if they'd like to live with no financial worries, knowing that they have

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: a secure future and knowing they can pursue any activity of interest, whether it's paid or not.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_00]: You'll most likely hear, yes, of course. Just don't show them it's possible, or worse,

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00]: that you're doing it, lest you be exposed. Just like those who admire Dexter's work,

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00]: ridding the world of horrible people. Those close to him are horrified when they find out

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_00]: someone so close to home is a killer. In both cases, the concept is more attractive to others

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: in theory than an actual application. Number seven, you maintain some cultural rituals just

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_00]: to fit in. You can't appear too weird. Let's be honest, there are some things that closet

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_00]: fires or fi-seekers, which I think is the majority of us, just prefer not to do. However,

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00]: we oblige. We suffer through one or more of the following just to keep up appearances.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_00]: We partake in us-versus-them dialogue about the government, your employer, bankers,

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_00]: debt collectors, insurance companies, service providers, traffic, and other. We participate in

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_00]: life-is-so-hard conversations. Our silence makes us appear supportive of others' excuses for why

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_00]: they just can't get ahead. We talk about the good deals we or others got buying things

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00]: we don't need and or for people we don't like. We gossip to help others feel better

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_00]: and end up feeling like we need a shower afterwards. We hide our non-trendy buying

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: habits to stay under the radar. Who hasn't refilled a pop bottle with the store brand stuff?

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Or parked their car a little further away just to look normal, just to avoid an

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_00]: awkward conversation? And we use clever excuses to decline invitations to fancy-dancy places

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_00]: that just aren't worth the money and time spent with people we don't relate to anymore.

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_00]: If we ever did, it's just not what we would call having a good time.

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_00]: If you've chosen to come out of the FI closet and you can spare yourself most of this list,

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00]: good for you. You have a stronger backbone than many others in this community.

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I'll get there someday.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And number eight, doing what drives you is how your life makes sense.

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_00]: External motivators don't drive you. You're intrinsically motivated to pursue what makes

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00]: sense to you, what you want to accomplish. And no, it usually doesn't optimize your

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_00]: return on investment from a monetary standpoint. The ROIs you seek are returns on your well-being

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_00]: – psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual. You know yourself well and listen

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00]: to your gut, which speaks more loudly than external influences. You're driven by your

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_00]: not by what drives others into conformity. See any resemblance? Luckily, your deviation from

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_00]: the norm won't likely land you in a federal penitentiary, or worse, the electric chair.

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: However, it doesn't make the similarities between different types of weird any less

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00]: right on the money. No, please don't pardon the pun.

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Bonus – if you got this far, here's one thing you definitely don't have in common

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_00]: with Dexter lifestyle-wise. Dexter keeps all his assets in cash in case he has to get out

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_00]: of town in a hurry. Luckily, we FIERS can invest our money wisely for the long term

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00]: to ensure we can continue the lifestyle to which we have grown accustomed, no matter

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00]: whether or not we're ever found out. You just listen to the post titled What

[00:11:10] [SPEAKER_00]: FI Seekers and Dexter Have in Common by Alen Massicott of FreeToPursue.com,

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'll be right back with my commentary. Buy low, sell high. Buy low, sell high. It's a

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[00:12:22] [SPEAKER_00]: This article actually describes one of the problems I was trying to solve when I created

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_00]: The Economy Conference, which is an annual party about money designed for the FIRE community.

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_00]: The choice to pursue FI is pretty unconventional, and for many it becomes an isolating endeavor.

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Your friends and family think you're strange, and you likely don't have many people in your

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_00]: life who are itching to talk to you about money management and lifestyle design.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00]: But the reality is that FI is better with friends. Tapping into this incredible community

[00:12:55] [SPEAKER_00]: will add a richness to your path in ways that you can't do on your own.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_00]: There's this easy sense of camaraderie that builds between people headed towards a common goal

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_00]: that can make the whole journey feel much lighter and more fun.

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Who wants to retire early with no one to hang out with? Sure, you can find online communities

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_00]: that discuss financial independence and early retirement, but let's not kid ourselves by

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00]: thinking this is true human connection. In order to build deep lasting friendships,

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_00]: we need to gather together in person. And 500 of us do that every year at the Economy Conference.

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Our next event is scheduled for March 21-23 of 2025 in Cincinnati, so if you want to come party

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_00]: with us, learn more at economyconference.com. And remember that economy is spelt with an M-E

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_00]: rather than an M-Y at the end. And that'll do it for today. Have a great day and start

[00:13:56] [SPEAKER_00]: your weekend. Thank you for listening, and I'll be back here reading to you tomorrow,

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_00]: where your optimal life awaits.