2890: Finding Belonging by Shana Olmstead on Community Relationships

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[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Das ist Optimal Finance Daily.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Finding Belonging.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_01]: By Shana Olmstedt.

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Of ShanaOmstedt.com

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Und ich bin Ihre Hostin und Personal Finance Enthusiast, Diana Merriam.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Wir sind die Sendung von uns, die ich mit dir in die Folge von einem anderen Podcast in unserer Webinarie.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Today's episode is coming from Optimal Relationships Daily.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_01]: So with that, here's Greg with the post and commentary as we optimize your life.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Finding Belonging by Shana Olmstedt.com

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I was 24, a brand new mom, married in the suburbs and feeling very alone.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I had only lived in my community for a few days and had never been great about meeting people.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I was shy and introverted and I liked being alone anyway.

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Once I had my son, however, he motivated me to try to find people to hang out with.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I thought, I have to make friends for him.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00]: So I joined a Gymboree class for babies when he was 4 months old.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I was younger than the other moms by 5 or 10 years and not as fancy.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have designer jeans or an expensive handbag and I drove an old beat up pickup instead of a BMW like them.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Even so, I pushed myself to pass around a paper for the other moms to put down their name and number so we could get together.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I was making friends for myself and my son.

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_00]: We had a lovely moms group for a few years.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt a sense of belonging.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Over time, I had a spiritual awakening and felt less of a sense of belonging with this group.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: We seemed to have less and less in common as I grew into my consciousness.

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Now I was 29, with two kids under 5, single and going back to college.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt a calling to come to this school, but did not right away feel a sense of belonging.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt old and out of place.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: There weren't too many single moms in my cohort at school, and most people were at least a few years younger than me.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Everybody was so organic and holistic and vegan and stuff.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I was that way on the inside, but also wore makeup, curled my hair, and wore dorky suburban mom clothes from Costco and Target.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt out of place for sure, even though I knew these were my people on the inside.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: After we graduated, even though I was nervous about it, I started initiating bastard ladies get-togethers with my favorite people from college.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: It took until after we graduated to feel a true sense of belonging with my college friends, but now I consider them family.

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I held on to my faith and intuition, knowing that even though my ego was scared that I wouldn't fit in, my soul knew we belonged together.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard and scary to not feel a sense of belonging.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: We're created to belong and have a feeling of connection and community.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: It's healthy for our mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I know lots of you empaths are saying that you don't need that because you really like being alone.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I get that.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I have a really big need for solitude as well.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I really need it.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I also know that I love and need to spend time with people I love and to feel a sense of belonging.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: It helps me to feel grounded, supported, and loved.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_00]: We also sometimes outgrow the sense of belonging we have always had as we grow and evolve.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your family or old friends don't understand you anymore, and you're looking to feel belonging again in a new way.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you have never felt that sense of belonging or need a new tribe, here are some tips to help.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you are never alone.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: After my spiritual awakening, while I was still looking for a sense of belonging,

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I started to realize that I was actually never alone.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: When I recognized my spiritual connection, I understood that none of us are ever alone.

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_00]: We're surrounded by a loving presence of light constantly.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00]: This presence wants us to feel loved, guided, and protected always.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: We're never alone.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: One easy way to tap into this is to close your eyes and imagine God or Jesus, white light or an angel, whatever you believe, right next to you.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_00]: This spiritual presence is all around you, all the time, wanting you to feel a sense of belonging.

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Explore what you love.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00]: For me, my love of all things spiritual and holistic brought me to a school community of others who were also passionate about those things.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: For you, it might be hockey or cooking or music.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Find what you love and go find places to explore that with other people.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_00]: In order to find people that you feel you belong with, go do things that interest and excite you.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Find a meetup or a class or workshop or volunteering opportunity and just go do it.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Reach out.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00]: When you go explore what you love or just in everyday life, if you want to be reached out to, do the reaching out.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Even though I was super shy and I've come a long way, I pushed myself to start the moms group when my son was a baby.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Even though I felt old and out of place at college, I pushed myself to reach out and invite people to get together and ended up with lifelong family.

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I know it's not always easy and you may have a story about yourself that says you are not someone who does that.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00]: But guess what?

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_00]: You can change your story.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And connection and belonging are very important in order to stay healthy and happy for your whole life.

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, everyone is looking for belonging too.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're scared to reach out, remember that they are too.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone wants belonging and they might be just as scared as you are to just take that first step of reaching out and connecting.

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_00]: We are all one already.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00]: We just sometimes need to remind our cute little humanness of that.

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Our ego gets scared of rejection and being vulnerable, even though in truth, there is nothing to fear.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Feel it out.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_00]: If you are out of your head, your intuition will easily guide you to those new connections that will be in your highest good.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00]: It will guide you on what to say and how to connect.

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: It will lead you to the sense of belonging you're looking for.

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't try to belong where you don't belong.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Trust the signs and your intuition about where you belong.

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00]: If you keep trying to make yourself fit in somewhere and it doesn't feel right, it might be the wrong people or environment for you.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Practice connecting with your feelings and energy in that situation.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel lighter, happier, and energized?

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Or depleted, frustrated, and contracted?

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't try to force yourself to fit into an accountant's world if you're an artist,

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_00]: or being a football fan if you are a sensitive pacifist.

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we feel like we don't belong because we are meant to grow and change and find a new place of belonging.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Trust that it's already here.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, along the way, it's always important to spend time imagining and visualizing what you want in a general way.

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Feel and imagine yourself feeling a deep sense of belonging, laughing, and having fun with the people who truly understand you.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Stop telling yourself, or anyone else, that you're lonely or don't know how to connect with people.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Instead, remind yourself it's easy to connect, and what if I always belong?

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_00]: You can do this.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Family and a spouse are not enough to fill this in your life.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone needs a tribe of their own.

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have to be big, but it has to be yours.

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you remember.

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Separation is an illusion.

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: We all already belong.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled,

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Finding Belonging, by Shana Olmsted of shanaolmsted.com.

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[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_00]: And thanks a lot to Shana for this post.

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I have to say, I've kind of had a similar philosophy for a while regarding loneliness,

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00]: which feels as though it's applicable enough to what she's talking about.

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_00]: So, first, we need to be sure that we're understanding loneliness or a lack of belonging for what it is.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's a feeling.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Feelings are fleeting, right?

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00]: They come and go.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00]: So, it's important to remember this when we trick ourselves into thinking that we are perpetually lonely or perpetually lack belonging.

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_00]: These are just temporary feelings, which are apt to change.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_00]: So, we mustn't classify ourselves as lonely people or people who just don't belong.

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, sure, it's easy to do that, but it's ultimately a fallacy is what I'm saying.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00]: It's a fallacy not only because these feelings are in flux, but because so many people in the world feel the same and yearn for connection the same way.

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_00]: So, though you may not know them yet or be physically close to them, there's still a unity in that, a quality that you share with millions of others.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00]: You have a huge sense of belonging to the people who are feeling the same as you,

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_00]: even though, ironically, the feeling is categorized by not having others in your camp.

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Just definitely something to think about if you do seek to redefine loneliness or that lack of belonging.

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: That's all for me, though, everyone.

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate you being here today and listening to both the post and my commentary.

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Wishing you a great start to your week and looking forward to being here again with you tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Wishing you a great start to your week and looking forward to being here again with you tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.

[00:11:23] You may not be here again with you tomorrow, but you may not be here again with you tomorrow, but you may not be here again with you tomorrow.

[00:11:23] Thank you.