2900: Do You Have Spousal Buy In AND Who Holds the Key to Your Golden Handcuffs by Doc G of Earn and Invest

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[00:01:06] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Finance Daily. Do you have spousal buy-in?

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And who holds the key to your golden handcuffs?

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Both by Doc G of earnandinvest.com.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm your host and personal finance enthusiast, Diana Merriam.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Now let's get right to it and continue optimizing your life.

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Do you have spousal buy-in?

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_00]: By Doc G of earnandinvest.com.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00]: The story is almost universal.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: A guy or gal suffers through a horrendous day of work and scours the internet searching for an escape hatch.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00]: The magical mix of search words early and retirement likely leads to Mr. Money Mustache or Get Rich Slowly or some other fantastic resource.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Hours later, after being fully submersed in the financial independence blogosphere, he resurfaces with hair must and rabid eyes.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: There is no climbing out of that rabbit hole.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00]: It'll take maybe days or weeks to formulate a plan of how to extirpate himself from the humdrum world of W-2 reliance.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: But the real challenge, which could take years, is achieving spousal buy-in.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Spousal buy-in is key.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Adults reach decisions for varied reasons on differing timelines.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00]: The unique set of hand-wringing circumstances that brought one individual to a breaking point may not be relatable to one's spouse.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_00]: And there is a learning curve before spousal buy-in can take place.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: There are many hurdles concerning one's spouse that stand before an aspiring firewalker.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: The Internet Lies

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00]: My wife's first response to my early retirement inquiries was one of disbelief.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00]: She stared at me with glassy eyes.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: You really trust these crooks on the internet?

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: They're lying to you and making it sound better than it really is.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: What the f*** is a money mustache anyway?

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: This spousal buy-in question is quite valid.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Certainly, many have watched their significant other get hoodwinked at some point or another.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Who in their right mind would believe that retiring could be so easy and attainable?

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: The answer, of course, is simple.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00]: In this case, full spousal buy-in will require two things.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00]: One, the unbelieving life partner will need to sit down and study the math.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: They'll have to ponder the 4% rule and play around with some retirement calculators.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Second, it never hurts to meet someone outside the family with similar aspirations.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: You may have to go to a Choose Fi meetup or join a Facebook group.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: When the doubting spouse hears others using the same language and calculations, the doubts will fade away.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I'll never be able to buy anything again.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Why would one ever attain spousal buy-in if it required living like a monk?

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Will she still be able to buy that expensive iPhone she wants?

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Will he still be able to afford those hip suede shoes?

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00]: How about vacations?

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Will we live on ramen?

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: The horrible pre-packaged kind, not the real stuff.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: When you're unexpectedly hit over the head with the idea of early retirement,

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_00]: it's not uncommon to think that you'll have to forego the good things in life.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Why should you sacrifice?

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: The answers here are both logical and philosophical.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00]: From a logical standpoint, your monthly budget will show you exactly how much is available to spend.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: If the number's not high enough, prolong the path to Fi and save more.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_00]: You can negotiate with your spouse what reasonable budgets look like before agreeing to a timeline.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Philosophically, what brings happiness?

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: There are plenty of studies and blogs, which I'll not go into here,

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_00]: that suggest that above a certain point, maybe $75,000 a year,

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00]: increasing spending does little to improve one's emotional well-being.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00]: My parents and financial planner said I need $10 million.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Our heads are filled with mindless numbers from many sources.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Often, well-meaning friends and family or investment advisors who are benefiting from our ignorance

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: suggest highly unattainable sums of money.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: These figures are based on emotions and not fact.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Failing to understand and counteract such reasoning will be a great hindrance to spousal buy-in.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_00]: The short answer is that math is on your side.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Numbers are unemotional.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Figures rarely lie.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Math will not benefit from your ignorance.

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00]: The numbers are the numbers.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Take the time to make sure your spouse understands them.

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_00]: In conclusion, spousal buy-in is one of the greatest hurdles to enjoying the financial independence

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: retire-early lifestyle.

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_00]: All the money in the world won't buy happiness if things are not copacetic at home.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Your spouse may not want to retire early.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: They may not feel ready.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're going to realize this dream, you better make sure they buy in.

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Who holds the key to your golden handcuffs?

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00]: By Doc G of earnandinvest.com

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: My boss mocks me.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_00]: He dangles the golden handcuffs in front of my face before locking them securely in place.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_00]: My arms pinned behind my back.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I am impotent.

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I struggle despite my obvious helplessness.

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I swear that if I can get a grip on his neck, I will squeeze till the blood drains from his face

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00]: and his eyes bulge.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Then I'll let go just before his oxygen levels drop too low and spare him from passing out.

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Sounds cruel, right?

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00]: That's exactly what he's doing to me.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Metaphorically.

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: He squeezes every bit of ingenuity from my sleep-deprived body.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Extracting water from stone, he somehow always gets 10% more.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Optimization is his rallying cry.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: As my number of patient visits go up and my collections skyrocket, he smirks his greedy smirk.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Initial attempts.

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_00]: At first, he met my inquiries of early retirement with an all-knowing heir.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Surely you don't have enough to retire.

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_00]: You'll need at least $10 million.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_00]: The market's about to go bad.

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_00]: His statements were not backed with science nor arithmetic.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: His notions were pure speculation.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00]: They rolled off his tongue with an emotional lick.

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Playing on my fears, he went for the jugular of any financial independence enthusiast.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Wouldn't you hate to have to go back to work when your earning potential is no longer as good?

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_00]: How about just one more year?

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_00]: He knew the best form of golden handcuffs is fear.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Scare the employee out of ever leaving.

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Convince him of the utter peril of leaving his job.

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00]: But he wasn't ready for my spreadsheets and meticulous calculations.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00]: He had no counter to my mustachian ingenuity.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00]: His apocalyptic fairy tales could no way stand up to the rigor of my fire cow scenarios.

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Dream projects.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00]: My boss, however, is savvy.

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_00]: He quickly pivoted away from fear and moved to passion.

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_00]: My attempts at escape were then thwarted with an offering of the most prime consulting gigs.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: He knew my love of teaching and setting up nurse practitioner programs for nursing homes and

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_00]: assisted living communities.

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_00]: He withdrew some of the burden of direct patient care and set me off on a wild goose chase of

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00]: consulting opportunities.

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Before I could count to 10, my calendar was overly full again.

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00]: My mind bending to the will of each new project.

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_00]: My boss sat back contently until he noticed the look in my eyes.

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_00]: The itch was coming back and he was all too intent on not letting me scratch.

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Fool's gold.

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And at last, he offered me the money.

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Too much money.

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_00]: $500 an hour for medical expert work.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_00]: $200 an hour to build up a new primary care practice.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Another medical directorship at a new nursing home.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00]: My back stooped, my eyes watered, and yet I jumped at each opportunity.

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe out of habit.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe out of greed.

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00]: My boss is a wily opponent.

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00]: After many years of studying me, he knows my weak points.

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_00]: His golden handcuffs are emotional and economical.

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Surely not physical.

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Invisible restraints.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00]: We rarely talk to each other anymore.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm too busy hustling between patient care and consulting opportunities.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Our paths no longer cross.

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_00]: One recent morning, I stopped by the office at 6 a.m. to pick up my jacket before doing early

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_00]: morning rounds at the nursing home.

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I thought I heard a rustle in the break room and I walked rapidly in that direction.

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Upon peering through the open door, I caught sight of my boss and growled.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I could see him growling back.

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: His face was reflected in the mirror ahead of me above the bulletin board.

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I turned off all the lights and locked the office front door.

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00]: No one was due in clinic until 9 a.m.

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled, Do you have spousal buy-in?

[00:11:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And who holds the key to your golden handcuffs?

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Both by Doc G of earnandinvest.com.

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Buy low, sell high.

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[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Demand is dropping and prices are falling, even for many of the best assets.

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[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_00]: This is a paid advertisement.

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Spousal buy-in is incredibly important, and frankly, I think the path to financial independence

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_00]: would be pretty grueling without it.

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_00]: This is a topic that is discussed quite often in various FIRE forums and Facebook groups,

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00]: because most people discover FIRE after they're already married.

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're single, the answer's simple.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Find a partner with a similar interest in financial freedom.

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_00]: But what do you do if you develop this interest after you're already committed to your life partner?

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_00]: The tactic that I've seen work many times over is exposing your partner to various FIRE events

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_00]: or introducing the concept through the documentary Playing With Fire.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_00]: The film follows Scott Rickins and his wife Taylor as they learn all they can about the FIRE movement

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and apply some of the basic principles to their own life over the course of a year.

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, at the beginning of the film, Taylor was not totally on board with this idea of FIRE.

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00]: She was comfortable in their luxurious lifestyle and initially saw the changes Scott wanted to make as a bit too extreme.

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_00]: But they ended up having a conversation, similar to what's recommended in this post,

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_00]: about what really mattered to them and how they wanted to spend their time.

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Taylor realized that the things most important to her actually didn't cost a lot of money.

[00:14:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Their lifestyle up to that point was just something they had become used to.

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I got the impression that they were kind of running on autopilot without really thinking about it too much.

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I think this documentary became so popular because many people can relate to Taylor's experience and initial hesitation.

[00:14:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I know of a lot of couples that watched this film together and it opened up some really fruitful conversations.

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_00]: This post also reminded me of a conversation I had with a lovely woman at the last Economy Conference,

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_00]: which is an event I produce.

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_00]: She told me that she had no interest in FIRE, that her husband basically dragged her to this event kicking and screaming.

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_00]: But watching the main stage speeches and having conversations with other people who shared this interest in FIRE

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_00]: helped her understand what the fuss was all about.

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00]: She shared with me that attending this event helped her feel much closer to her husband

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_00]: and more aligned with the overall goal of FIRE.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_00]: It was pretty incredible to witness this transformation.

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_00]: That'll do it for the Monday episode.

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Have a great start to your week and I'll be back tomorrow as usual where your optimal life awaits.