3016: I Used To Be a Hater by FIRECracker of Millennial Revolution on Self-Awareness and Personal Growth

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[00:00:51] slash subscribe dash swap. That's readthejoe.com slash subscribe dash swap. Level up your money game. Subscribe to The Average Joe now. This is Optimal Finance Daily. I used to be a hater by Firecracker of Millennial-Revolution.com. If you read this blog regularly, you may have noticed

[00:01:18] how much I love fighting with haters. Because why not? It's so much fun to tweak them. And the best part? When they come back to fight again and again, gloating about their superiority while giving me extra views every time. If you hate me so much, then why do you love getting me paid? Anyway, I digress. Despite how much I like fighting with haters, the truth is I used to be one. That's right,

[00:01:45] I used to be a hater. And one of the things I used to hate on was a Larry Smith video. For those of you who haven't seen it, allow me to give you the Coles notes. In 2011, Larry Smith, a University of Waterloo economics professor, did a TED Talk venting his frustration after hearing over and over again the same complaints from his students. They aren't happy with their careers, and yet they refuse to do

[00:02:10] anything about it. He goes over all the excuses they give to avoid following their passions. Excuses like, great careers are for people who are lucky. People who pursue their passion are geniuses. Or, I'm a nice normal person, and normal people don't have a passion. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And despite these excuses, Larry points out that the reason why people use these excuses and don't

[00:02:35] follow their passion, no matter how bad their careers are, is fear. They're afraid to try, afraid to look ridiculous, afraid they might fail. They might even go so far as using human relationships, their kids, spouses, as a shield to protect themselves from failure. Because if they're a great friend or parent, they will always be the hero of their own story and not have to sacrifice their relationships on the altar of accomplishment. Larry then proceeds to call BS on this,

[00:03:05] saying, great friend, great spouse, great parent, great career. Is that not a package? How can you be one without the other? But the truth is, you're weak, and you're afraid. To this day, it's one of the most memorable TED Talks I've ever seen, receiving over 6 million views to date. But back then, in 2011, when I was working a stressful, unfulfilling job while daydreaming about being an author, this video made me want to reach into the screen and squeeze Larry's skinny little neck until his head

[00:03:35] popped off. I didn't want to hear his advice. I didn't want to hear about the fear, the excuses, the human relationship shield that I was using to excuse myself from writing. Everything he said made my blood boil. I showed the video to wanderer, co-workers, and friends, indignantly clutching my imaginary pearls and shrieking, can you believe this fool? What the hell does he know? Why is he putting

[00:04:02] his dreams? Blah, blah, blah. I ranted for hours, bashing Larry and trying my best to discredit everything he said. All the while, ignoring the little neuron in the back of my head, jumping up and down, yelling, he's right. You know he's right. You are afraid. I was terrified. I was full of excuses. I was a hater. In the back of my mind, I knew everything Larry said was true. Instead of writing

[00:04:28] and following my dream, it was easier for my brain to shut him down and call him an a**hole because the alternative, actually writing and pursuing my dream was way harder. I even dismissed the end of his speech, which he ended by saying, you will fail to have a career unless, and then cutting himself off. Back then, I completely missed the point he was trying to make. Unless? Unless what? He isn't even

[00:04:53] going to tell us how to have a great career? What kind of creepy advice is that? But now, looking back, I know exactly what he's saying. It's like I've gone through the looking glass and I'm seeing everything clearly now. I hated that unless dot dot dot ending because I was expecting him to tell me what to do, and he didn't. He spent the entire talk making me feel bad about my life, and then when it came time

[00:05:18] to spoon feed me the answer, he dropped the ball. But he wasn't supposed to spoon feed me the answer. Now I realize that unless meant I was supposed to find the answer myself. I'm so glad I didn't stay a hater. I'm so glad I kept writing. I kept going, even though every cell in my body wanted to quit. Every cell in my body screamed at me to give up so I wouldn't have to face failure. And now,

[00:05:45] looking back, I'm no longer afraid of that video. I've watched it countless times since becoming an author and early retiree. Both dreams the hater me in 2011 would have never thought possible. I've noticed this to be true about financial independence too. When we first came out with the news that we were fi and retiring, all we got were haters. And not just the thousands of haters that came out on mainstream media. I'm talking about the haters hidden amongst friends and family too.

[00:06:14] They were all very quick to dismiss us, just like what I did to Larry back in 2011, because they were afraid. Afraid they couldn't pursue their dreams, just like I was. When you're afraid, it's easy to become a hater. Because haters don't need to step into their arena. They don't need to look ridiculous. They don't need to show up day after day, week after week, year after year. They don't need to fail over and over until they finally succeed.

[00:06:39] They can attribute everyone else's accomplishments to luck or talent. They can hide in their safe little cocoons, telling themselves that they're the heroes of their own story. Telling themselves that it's okay not to accomplish their dreams because they are nice people who don't need accomplishments, only relationships. The fact that you can do both is preposterous. I'm glad I'm not a hater anymore. I'm glad I pushed past the fear. I'm glad I got to where I am today

[00:07:06] because I refuse to let myself get too comfortable. But that doesn't mean I'm perfect. That doesn't mean I wasn't once a terrified hater who loved making excuses and staying in my comfort zone. Change is scary. I get it. We all get scared. It's okay to be scared. But don't let fear debilitate you and make you a hater like it did to me. Don't stay in the safety of your comfy cocoon. Put on your big boy pants or your big girl skirt and go out there and fight for your dreams.

[00:07:35] Because as Larry says, you will fail to have a great career. Unless... Unless... You just listened to the post titled, I Used to Be a Hater by Firecracker of Millennial-Revolution.com. You sign up for something, forget about it after the trial period ends. Then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact,

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[00:09:00] I liked this article because it demonstrates that even if you have a history of making excuses and letting fear get the best of you, that's not a death sentence. Just like Firecracker in this article, most people grow and change over time and look back on the former versions of themselves in awe of how far they've come. While I'm not sure it's possible to be fearless, I do think it's possible to put that

[00:09:24] fear in perspective. For me, it's taken a lot of investment of time and energy in my own personal development to contextualize my fear. I've needed to develop a level of discernment to recognize what is fear of the unknown and what is fear of things that are actually dangerous. Hint, very little is actually dangerous. I've needed to learn how to let my curiosity be bigger than my fear. And that's not a

[00:09:52] one-time occurrence. That's a journey I take over and over again. I also think we need to recognize that we live in a culture that feeds on fear. Just like we've been conditioned to be consumers, we've been conditioned to be afraid. Go ahead and turn on the news, which is literally screaming at you to be afraid of everything. There's a great book called The Science of Fear by Daniel Gardner that helped me see that I'm

[00:10:18] mostly afraid of things that are statistically unlikely, like being assaulted by a stranger, and not afraid of things I actually should be, like the dangers of smoking cigarettes. So what I'd like to say to Firecracker and everyone else who was or still is held back by their fear, why not show yourself some compassion? You were conditioned to be this way, but now you have some self-awareness to do something about it. This should be

[00:10:45] celebrated. And while I do agree that it's possible to have a fulfilling and successful life, I think it all boils down to investing in personal development, not bulldozing past the fear. I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Jim Rohn, who said, your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development, because success is something you attract by the person you become. And that's another Friday edition of Optimal Finance

[00:11:13] Daily. Thank you for your support and for listening every day. We so appreciate you and our authors for writing the thought-provoking content we share on the show. Have a great weekend, and I'll be back with more posts for you tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.