3026: How I Finally Faced My Weight & Debt Problems by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits on Finding Simplicity

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[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_01] This is Optimal Finance Daily. How I finally faced my weight and debt problems by Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net. And I'm your host and personal finance enthusiast, Diana Merriam. Hello and welcome back to a Sunday bonus episode. Once a week, I like to share an article with you from one of our other podcasts. Today's comes from Dr. Neil over on Optimal Health Daily. He's a college professor, registered dietitian,

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_01] certified exercise physiologist, and education specialist. So always sharing good stuff over there. You can find Optimal Health Daily wherever you're listening to this. And today's article touches on both health and finance. So a good fit for this show. With that, let's hear this article along with Dr. Neil's commentary as we optimize your life.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00] How I finally faced my weight and debt problems by Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net. There was a time when I was overweight, but didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't feel in control of my health because I couldn't quit smoking or eat healthier for longer than a few days, nor exercise regularly. Thinking about my weight made me feel horrible, so I didn't even want to think about it. Of course, not thinking about it meant I never did anything about it.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_00] Not facing my problems made it worse, which just made me feel worse. It was a downward spiral and really hard to stop. I had the same downward spiral when I was in debt, and it was around the same time in my life, about eight years ago. I couldn't pay all my bills, so I'd stuff them in a drawer so I didn't have to see them. I had creditors calling me, but I didn't answer their calls. I knew their numbers on their caller ID. I didn't know how much debt I was in because I never wanted to open the envelopes, much less add it all up on paper.

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00] However, I'd borrow money to pay bills, then end up owing more. And I'd skip paying lots of bills and accrue interest. It wasn't a smart way to manage my finances, but I couldn't stand the thought of facing all of it. I felt bad even thinking about my finances, so I'd avoid them and think about other things. Of course, this led to me seeking distraction in food and entertainment and shopping, which led to more debt. Not facing my debt made it worse. How did I overcome all of this?

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00] I'll share it here in hopes that it will help others facing the same problem or not facing it. It's also important to note that if you know someone in bad health or in bad financial shape, they're probably also in denial. They don't want to even talk about it. So how do you help them? I'll share that in a bit as well. How I finally faced things. So how do you face a problem so you can work on it when you don't want to face it? There has to be a point when you say,

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00] this isn't good. I need to do something about it. In truth, there usually isn't just one point. There are many. It's a building problem where you get many data points over time. You see yourself in a picture and don't like how heavy you look. Or you get a comment from someone that's less than flattering. Or your pants don't fit anymore. Or you breathe heavily when you try to run for a couple of minutes. But then there has to be a point where you decide that enough is enough. You start to feel some resolve. You decide you can do something.

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00] That it's not insurmountable. How exactly I got to that point, I can't fully remember. But I do know that there were several things that helped me. 1. Inspiration Seeing other people with similar situations who overcame the problem. In blogs or podcasts and magazines mainly. 2. Do-ability I didn't think I could lose all the weight or overcome my huge mountain of debt in a day or a week.

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00] But having a small step I could actually do was mentally empowering. If I could do something in a day or two, that was doable. I felt like I could take control again. 3. Motivation When I saw that my health problems were going to be an example for my kids, I knew I had to make a change. When I saw that my financial problems were hurting my family, I knew I had to make a change. In both cases, my motivation for change was bigger than myself. I was doing it to help people I cared about.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00] 4. Commitment When I was inspired by others to make a change, I took an easy step. That's actually a very big step. I made a commitment. Making a commitment is actually very easy. You can tell a friend, a child, a spouse, or the world via social media or email that you're going to make a change. Commit not just to losing weight or getting out of debt, but to something specific like run three times a week and cut out sweets. That would be better.

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_00] Another example would be make a list of all my debts, then make a payment to the first one. Those are first steps. You can always add more veggies or make a meal plan after you get started. But making a commitment is an easy, if a bit scary, first step that will lock you into further steps. I have to admit that it wasn't as simple as making a decision to change and then continually making progress with no discouragement. Not at all.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00] I would try to make a change, slip up, feel badly, then start again. And again. And make adjustments each time. Learning about myself in the process. And over time, getting good at the skill of change. But the first step, facing the problem, was made possible by inspiration, doability, motivation, and finally, commitment. How to get others to face their problems. I firmly believe that you can't force anyone to change.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_00] You can only inspire them to change if you're lucky. That's not an easy task. If you have a friend or family member who is struggling with health issues or financial problems or something similar where they don't want to face the problem, it's tough. They probably don't want to hear it from you. However, that's not to say you should throw your hands up and forget about it. You can still help. Just don't try to force it. Here's what I would suggest. 1. Never attack. Empathize.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00] Never tell the person they're doing something wrong or imply they're a bad or undisciplined or lazy person. Assume that they have the best of intentions. That they would change if they could. But they feel badly about it. Assume that you would feel the same if you were in their position. And try to remember a time when you felt that way. Don't be patronizing nor sympathize. That's condescending. 2. Inspire. Set an example and share what's working for you.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00] Share stories of other people who have overcome problems. 3. Suggest something doable. And do it with them. If you want them to tackle health issues, suggest the two of you go walking after work every day. Just for 15 minutes at first. It's a nice way to socialize and bond, but also get active. This is a small step that can be built upon. Later, you can walk further or faster. And maybe add some jogging intervals to the walking after a few weeks or months, health permitting.

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_00] You can also later do some diet challenges. But the key is to make the steps doable, easy, and social. 4. Offer to be an accountability buddy. If the other person admits to not being motivated, suggest that they commit to you and be accountable to you. 5. Like email you every day or every week to share progress, or lack thereof. Suggest that they set a fun consequence, maybe something embarrassing, if they don't live up to their commitment to you. Or do a challenge,

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00] where the two of you are doing something fun at the same time. A push-up challenge, a thousand steps challenge, an eat more vegetables challenge. You get the idea. Despite your best efforts, this might not work. You can't force change on someone. They have to want it themselves. And if they don't, you can't make them want it. In that case, you'll have to back off, though showing concern and wanting to help is always something you can do. Change is possible. Facing problems is totally possible.

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[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00] Dr. Neil here for my commentary. I'm sure we've all been in that situation where someone comes to us for some advice and we give them the advice and then they start arguing with us. They put up this wall of resistance and in our heads we're thinking, wait, you came to me for advice. What's going on here? Why are you resisting my advice? I didn't come to you. And then you find yourself arguing with them a little bit and then it becomes this whole thing where they don't want to lose the argument and yet you keep thinking,

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00] well, you came to me for advice and then you both leave the conversation frustrated. And so Leo was absolutely right. When a person comes to you and they sound like they need some help or they want some advice, it's probably in your best interest to not jump right in and give them that advice. Sounds counterintuitive, I know. Sometimes they just want to be heard. And so Leo's first rule, never attack, empathize, is absolutely correct. Sometimes you just need to listen. Let them know that you hear them

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_00] but refrain from giving any advice. I promise you the conversation will go a lot more smoothly. But then what if they say, just tell me, what do you think? What advice do you have for me? Well, then at that moment, they're hopefully ready to hear it. There's this whole field of counseling psychology called motivational interviewing. This is something I teach my students. And one of the first things we learn is to not give advice. My students are usually shocked by this. They're getting advanced degrees

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_00] so that they can give advice. But really the first thing people need to do is listen. And when you start listening, sometimes people can actually talk themselves into change. The idea doesn't even have to come from you. If you want to learn more about motivational interviewing, do a Google search on Stephen Rolnick. He was kind of the founder of this and he's got lots of wonderful resources. If you can master motivational interviewing, I guarantee people will be flocking to you for advice. All right, I hope you have a wonderful Monday. Have a great start to your week.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00] I'll be back here tomorrow with a post from regular contributor, Nia Shanks, and where your optimal life awaits.