3141: Craft a Better Life Than Your Parents by Craig Stephens of Retire Before Dad on Intentional Living

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[00:01:19] Having your first child is a truly life-altering event, far more so than marriage, a new job, or a trip around the world. Parents make extraordinary sacrifices for their children, but few realize the extent of those sacrifices until becoming a parent themselves. When I think back to my life before kids, I still can't get over how lazy I was. I slept a lot and spent an unhealthy chunk of my paycheck on beer and entertainment.

[00:01:49] I made only meager attempts to earn extra money at my day job and outside of my career. Even after marrying Mrs. RetireBeforeDad, leisure and sleep consumed our time. Our idea of a busy Saturday was getting out of the condo before noon. The drastic change in how we spend our time is just one adjustment we've made for parenthood. Mrs. RetireBeforeDad gave up her career and income for our kids.

[00:02:16] We've set aside $300 per kid towards their college educations every month for the past eight years. Saturdays equals soccer. Extra cooking, laundry, transportation, bathing, clothing, and teaching all fall on our shoulders while the kids very gradually become more self-sufficient. In hindsight, the sacrifices our parents made for us become more profound.

[00:02:42] To honor their sacrifices, we're compelled to pursue the life our parents dreamed for us. That is, to live a better life than them. And I wish that my kids will live a better life than me. All parents share this fundamental hope, which has driven societal improvements since the origins of humankind. How to define a better life.

[00:03:06] Social scientists broadly quantify generational improvements by looking at metrics such as public health, poverty levels, technology progress, human rights, and worldwide peace. Global social progress on a macro scale has steadily improved over the centuries. We're currently living in the best time in history, as highlighted in the recent book, Enlightenment Now, The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress by Steven Pinker.

[00:03:36] This is one of Bill Gates' all-time favorite books. However, quantifying what a better life means within your family tree is a different story. It comes down to personal values, like wealth, longevity, education, career success, family size, retirement age, positive impact on the lives of others, athletic achievement, and happiness. What else belongs on this list?

[00:04:03] My dad retired in the early 2000s at the age of 56. I was broke, unemployed, and living with my parents at the time. But I set the goal to retire one year younger than he did. In my mind, it was the best way to measure how I could live a better life than my parents. If you know my backstory, this concept is the basis for this blog and my plan to retire before my dad through saving, investing, and building income streams.

[00:04:33] Though I can quantify that one specific goal I set way back in 2002, retirement age alone is not a good indicator of how to live a better life than your parents. It goes far beyond my silly retirement goal. Will you work longer than your parents? During graduation time, various media outlets declare that graduating college seniors will need

[00:04:58] to work longer than their parents due to student debt, housing costs, lack of pensions, the recession, low-quality jobs, or whatever anti-youth statistic is in vogue. I reject that assertion. Early retirement is just as achievable now as it has been in the past, probably more achievable. We can empower the young and ourselves with the tools and knowledge to earn more and invest money

[00:05:25] for the future. The how-to's of making extra money and living below your means are readily available at our fingertips and free. When you earn more, spend less, and invest the surplus, or the triforce of wealth, with consistency over time, you can achieve your early retirement goal. But the internet, with its endless knowledge and opportunities, is also littered with infinite

[00:05:51] distractions. Internet users choose gaming over learning, trolling over constructive debate, hearsay over facts, and envy over self-improvement. Opportunities aren't placed on the front doorstep. They are hiding behind the distractions. That was me before having kids. I wanted to earn more, but I wasn't willing to spend the time to figure out how. I was comfortable not pursuing my goals

[00:06:15] when I had the time. It took having kids to realize this whole life thing was serious. Becoming a parent kicked my early retirement plan into high gear. How to craft a better life than your parents. For those of us lucky to be blessed with loving and competent role models, we have high standards to live up to. Their lives serve as a guide. Their successes, failures, challenges, and missed

[00:06:42] opportunities are there for us like a step-by-step instruction manual with a huge troubleshooting section at the back. My parents are both still thriving in the lives their parents dreamed for them, so I have my work cut out for me. Self-education, travel, relationships, professional pursuits, hobbies, and interests all frame our personas. To somehow compare that to our parents seems kind of

[00:07:07] trivial in the grand scheme of things. Living a meaningful life is about personal progress, happiness, and having a positive impact on your community and the people you meet. It's not about comparisons. Determining if we live a better life than our parents will take a lifetime. Perhaps the simplest metric is whether or not we'd have made our parents proud when it's all said and done.

[00:07:32] Inspire your kids to do the same? Did you know it all at 18 years old? I thought I did. As parents, we want to harness everything we know, package it up, and give it to our kids so they don't have to learn the hard way. Of course, learning the hard way is the only way to make the lesson stick. When my kids don't listen to things like, please put your clothes in the laundry basket,

[00:07:56] I ask them to complete the task over and over again. They get annoyed and ask me to stop repeating myself so much. To which my reply is, if you just listen, I wouldn't have to keep saying it. Overcoming those kinds of interactions is a big part of parenting young kids. Kids don't think like grownups. Their attention span is short. They're easily distractible,

[00:08:20] like us. And if they're tired or hungry, all bets are off. Patience is key. Instead of trying to teach our kids by lecturing, we should consistently instill the basic values that our parents gave to us and that we know to be traits of upstanding people. Traits like hard work, integrity, tolerance, curiosity, patience, respect for others, and trustworthiness. I never leave dirty clothes

[00:08:47] on the floor anymore. As they age, they'll absorb the values and traits that we demonstrate. Strive to be the person you want your child to become. Teach by example and never stop improving upon the person you were yesterday. You just listened to the post titled, Craft a Better Life Than Your Parents by Craig Stevens of RetireBeforeDad.com.

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[00:11:03] you do. Make your money hustle with Betterment. Get started at Betterment.com. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-M-E-N-T.com. Investing involves risk, performance not guaranteed. I can certainly resonate with the sentiment that our parents wish for a better life for us. I can recall the surprise I felt when my mom shared with me how different it was for her growing up in

[00:11:32] the 60s and 70s. It was a very different time for women, where the expectation for many was to find a good husband. In fact, women couldn't even get a credit card that wasn't co-signed by their husband until 1974. My grandpa didn't want my mom to go to college, and she went anyway against his wishes. It's crazy to think that getting an education could be seen as a rebellious act. While I feel very

[00:12:00] fortunate that I had a different upbringing, I certainly don't feel in competition with my mom, as I think we're on completely different playing fields. This idea of living a better life than your parents is a bit too rooted in comparison for my taste. I think when we rank ourselves against other people, whether it's our parents, our peers, or the classic game of keeping up with the Joneses,

[00:12:24] it's simply distracting us from exploring more important questions. Questions like, what really matters to me? What feels like a meaningful way to spend my time? Who do I want to spend that time with? And what do I want to create? Well, we can certainly get inspiration from others. I think we can only find authentic answers to these questions when we tune everyone else out.

[00:12:51] That should do it for another edition of Optimal Finance Daily. I'll be back tomorrow as usual, so I'll see you there on the Wednesday show where your optimal life awaits.