3538: Effectively Respond to Danger by Calming Your Daily Worries by Ingrid Y. Helander on Reducing Daily Anxiety

[00:00:00] Dell PCs with Intel inside are built for the moments that matter. For the moments you plan and the ones you don't. Built for the busy days that turn into all-night study sessions. The moment you're working from a cafe and realize every outlet's taken. The times you're deep in your flow and the absolute last thing you need is an auto-update throwing off your momentum.

[00:00:22] That's why Dell builds tech that adapts to the way you actually work. Built with long-lasting batteries so you're not scrambling for the closest outlet. And built-in intelligence that makes updates around your schedule, not in the middle of it. They don't build tech for tech's sake. They build it for you. Find technology built for the way you work at dell.com slash dellpcs. Built for you.

[00:00:52] Welcome back to our Sunday bonus episode, where I share an article with you from a different podcast on our network. Today's episode is coming from our relationships podcast, Optimal Relationships Daily. You can find that show wherever you're listening to this, but please do follow or subscribe to the show to get new episodes every day. And with that, here's Greg with the post and commentary as we optimize your life.

[00:01:21] Effectively Respond to Danger by Calming Your Daily Worries by Ingrid Y. Hellander of IngridYHellanderLMFT.com Do you effectively respond when faced with true potential danger? It's hard to know when a worry is real or imagined and when you should run from danger or think about it. A common problem for sure.

[00:01:42] Over time, you may have lost the ability to differentiate between primal fear and worry. Your innate primal survival gift is the ability to feel and decipher your body's messages, your felt sense or emotion, to interpret them accurately and respond. For many of us, that ability has become obscured and weakened with a mind and body uncertain about what is a true danger and what is a chronic worry.

[00:02:07] I was listening to Oprah's Super Soul podcast yesterday, in which she was talking about responding to our body's innate signal of predatory danger to protect ourselves from attacks. In it, she offered some clear instructions, especially for women, to pay attention to and respond to the feeling of danger and to override learned polite behavior. Over and over, Oprah repeated the feeling you get when you are in the presence of danger, and it is an important instruction.

[00:02:36] Listen to your gut, she says. And far be it from me to disagree with Oprah. She's right. Humans do have the same safety sensors as animals. The problem is, we override our genuine instincts with thoughts and worry. You know the thoughts. I need to be kind. I don't dare anger anyone. I'm being ridiculous and paranoid. He won't like me. People will make fun of me. Oprah's pragmatic instructions are especially difficult for those of us who consider ourselves chronic warriors.

[00:03:05] When worry chronically floods your body, how can you trust your body's feelings enough to listen and respond? Several years ago, my son and his then-girlfriend, both sensitive, worrisome people, had an encounter outside his apartment. A young man was walking down their street and was apparently commiserating with them as they noticed the girlfriend's car window had been smashed. Already on high alert upon noticing the broken window, they felt extra anxious about the young man who had stopped to chat.

[00:03:33] However, in an effort to be good people and not offend the young man in any way, they overrode the danger cues for just a few moments. The result was disastrous. A brutal attack that left my son and another friend beaten and those witnessing and trying to help traumatized. For many, dismissing worried feelings has become an important tool to successfully get through the day.

[00:03:56] Personally, when I am asked to pay attention and respond to my sensations of danger, there is a part of me that wants to hide in the closet instead. The need to stay physically safe is yet another reason why it is vitally important to slow down during everyday moments and learn about worried feelings, rather than simply trying to stuff them or ignore them. When you try to ignore, dismiss, or shame, worry, anxiety, and fear, you teach your body to mistrust itself.

[00:04:25] This act is not only unhealthy, it can be dangerous. And I think it's getting worse with increased fear-mongering in our nation. The body can only handle just so much fight-and-flight response. And then, if you cannot act to relieve stress, you shut down, become apathetic, and collapse in the body's natural protective response. As you can see, this chronic response is dangerous on a personal and an aggregate scale. But here's the thing.

[00:04:52] You can absolutely help yourself to realign with your body's messages, to access sensations of calm, and to recognize and trust true cues of danger. As I've become more aware of and actually respectful toward worry, I realize how many little things I do to calm and stay clear without fear. Here's a tiny, hilarious practice that I noticed I was using just the other day. I wanted to warm up some homemade waffle pieces. The waffle's odd shapes worried me.

[00:05:22] What if they get caught in the toaster? Fearful images of fire flash in my head. I can smell the smoke. I recognized the danger twinge as I contemplated how to make my breakfast. And then, I saw my handy wooden toast tongs, right there, attached to the toaster. A smile came to my face, and I heard myself say, Thank you, toast tongs. As soon as the thought of gratitude went out to the tongs, and myself for purchasing them and having them right on hand,

[00:05:51] my body calmed, and I felt confident that I could successfully prepare my waffles. No danger here. Silly, I know. But hear me out. Tiny practical changes that calm worry help you stay connected to your body, clarify your thoughts, and create a more trusting relationship within. There are many ways to begin a practice of connection within yourself. This connection is crucial to detecting true danger.

[00:06:18] The toast tong tactic is just one you can begin today. Here are four simple and fun steps to get started. Number one, if you are unsure of what your body feels when you worry, take some notes. The next time you worry, breathe and ask, How do I know I'm worried? Soon the sensation of worry will become an obvious feeling you can easily detect. Number two, track this worry sensation as you go about your day, just as I did with the waffle prep.

[00:06:47] Think, aha, there's that little worry again. It's just a quick alert of real or imagined danger. Number three, acknowledge any immediate worry relief and notice anything that helped you. Number four, express gratitude toward the source of relief and to your body for swiftly calming, even a little. Examples of sources of relief include modern conveniences like ice makers and GPS, compassionate self-talk,

[00:07:15] physical comforts like a sweater or air conditioning, your own strong, capable body, a friend or support, resources like time, money, or sleep, your voice advocating for your needs, your higher power. How does this practice aid and restore your ability to survive true dangers? As your body calms over time, you will trust yourself more and more. Your intuitions will become clear and restored to their natural role in your life.

[00:07:44] And as you grow more confident and intuitive, unrealistic fears lessen, and you are better able to be a wise and compassionate human in the world. May you be safe and calm. You just listened to the post titled, Effectively Respond to Danger by Calming Your Daily Worries by Ingrid Y. Hellander of IngridYHellanderLMFT.com

[00:08:10] Dell PCs with Intel inside are built for the moments that matter. For the moments you plan and the ones you don't. Built for the busy days that turn into all night study sessions. The moment you're working from a cafe and realize every outlet's taken. The times you're deep in your flow and the absolute last thing you need is an auto update throwing off your momentum. That's why Dell builds tech that adapts to the way you actually work.

[00:08:37] Built with long-lasting batteries so you're not scrambling for the closest outlet. And built-in intelligence that makes updates around your schedule, not in the middle of it. They don't build tech for tech's sake. They build it for you. Find technology built for the way you work at Dell.com slash Dell PCs. Built for you. I don't know about you, but even with regular cleaning, it seems like dust is never ending.

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[00:10:01] Get this exclusive podcast-only offer now at airdoctorpro.com. A-I-R-D-O-C-T-O-R-P-R-O dot com. Using promo code OFD. Great content to start the week from Ingrid. Thank you so much to her for that. It is so true that not many of us, but all of us, are unable to gauge danger properly from moment to moment. Whether it be due to hardwired survival instincts or traumas that we've suffered,

[00:10:31] we come to each potential threat with a host of biases that can make it very, very difficult to weigh them appropriately. While being aware of this is great and a perfect place to start working on it, Ingrid's suggestion to track these scenarios is genius, not only because we learn more about ourselves, but in the same instance, we can combat it by preparing for the next time it happens. So whether it is buying a pair of tongs if you know your toaster regularly makes you anxious,

[00:11:00] or plotting your exact calming routine before you have to give yet another big presentation at work, or setting up a plastic cup and a piece of cardstock in plain sight for the next time you have to remove a spider from your house, pro tip, you're welcome, you can learn your patterns and prepare for them in advance, giving you an overall sense of being confident and prepared that will grow and grow, making you feel increasingly secure over time in every moment. And on that note, go out there and have a wonderful week, folks.

[00:11:29] Be ready in advance for those potential dangers, and stock up at Target. I'm getting out of here for now, but I thank you for being here today, and I invite you to come on back tomorrow where we will continue our journey to better relationships with ourselves and others, and of course, where your optimal life awaits.