2090: Sometimes We Are the Ones Who Need to Change by Shannon Brown with Tiny Buddha on Self-reflection & Personal Accountability

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, you, with the podcast in the ear.

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00]: But, of course, you already have an active mobile-happy hour,

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[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_01]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily Episode 2090.

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we are the ones who need to change, by Shannon Brown with TinyBooted.com.

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Hello everybody and happy Monday.

[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks so much for joining me yet again here on ORD, where I Greg O'Dino,

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_01]: narrate and offer commentary on different articles that discuss relationship building.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_01]: In this time around, I'll be reading a post from TinyBooted.com,

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_01]: which is a great resource for all things personal development, not just better relationships.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's hear this one about how to instill healthy change within ourselves,

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_01]: as opposed to demanding it from others, as we optimize your life.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we are the ones who need to change, by Shannon Brown with TinyBooted.com.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Quote,

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_01]: That's by Albert Einstein.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_01]: When I was younger, I had a lot of opinions about what other people needed to change.

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Why can't people conserve more?

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Why can't people stop throwing cigarette butts on the ground?

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Why can't so and so stop being so annoying?

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I've recently realized that as I focused on all of the things that others needed to do,

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_01]: I was avoiding taking a look at my own very real flaws and failures.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_01]: I used to single use plastic containers for smoothies and coffee.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I had a car in drove a lot, often when I could have walked, bike door take in public transit.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I used air travel frequently, I didn't ever shop at thrift stores or make an effort to reuse things.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And I also,

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_01]: was very critical of others and myself.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01]: In short, I had plenty of issues of my own.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_01]: There's a quote by Jacob M. Broad that reads,

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Think about how hard it is to change yourself,

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Then maybe you will understand why it's impossible to change other people.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_01]: And quote,

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Not only was it impossible for me to force another person to change,

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I was also avoiding the impact I could have made by changing myself.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_01]: This is true in so many areas of life.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Consider the person who always dates horrible or crazy people.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_01]: We always blame the other person and think,

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Why do I have such bad luck with men or women?

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_01]: There are that a person ever looks at themselves and considers that maybe there's something about them that is attracting this type of person.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_01]: That maybe in fact, we even subconsciously choose to get involved with screwed up people.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_01]: So we can point the finger at them instead of confronting our own intimacy issues and asking ourselves why we are avoiding real relationships or friendships.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_01]: So many people also complain about how society needs to change.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Yet all of us doing the complaining make up society.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_01]: If we want to change, we are the ones that need to change.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Every one of us.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_01]: This isn't necessarily pleasant to hear because of course as long as we complain about what other people need to do,

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_01]: We avoid the discomfort and effort of looking at ourselves and making changes in our own lives.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_01]: We complain that people are always on their phones.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Yet all of us are on our phones constantly.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_01]: We complain that the political process is corrupt.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Yet how many of us run for office,

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_01]: vote regularly, or even dedicate time to really understanding the issues.

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_01]: We complain that we never talk to our friends.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_01]: But how many of us make the effort to reach out and really listen to what is going on in someone else's life?

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I've realized that for a very long time, I've blamed other people for my circumstances.

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And maybe circumstances did have an impact in some ways that job didn't work out.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Those traumas that happened in the past.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, they are part of who I am.

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_01]: But the truth is that as I look back at my past,

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_01]: almost all of the instances in which I've had a conflict or something bad done to me by someone else,

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_01]: could have been avoided if I had taken responsibility for myself and not given my power away to someone else.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_01]: For example, I've recently taken two international backpacking trips.

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_01]: After the first one, I stayed with relatives temporarily to get reestablished in the US,

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and it ended with conflict and hurt feelings, because boundaries and expectations were not clearly defined.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_01]: And while my first reaction was to feel sorry for myself and tell myself how mean they were,

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_01]: the truth is that I should have been more proactive about either having a discussion to determine a clear agreement

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_01]: where budgeting better and supporting myself.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I've realized that expecting others to care for me or take responsibility for my life can only end in disappointment and disempowerment for me.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I think in the past, because I was living according to other's expectations of me,

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and because I was afraid of intimacy and really diving into life,

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I subconsciously was not taking full responsibility for myself.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: And on a certain level, was expecting other people to care for me and support me.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_01]: It's scary to take full responsibility for ourselves and our lives,

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_01]: in a way it's easier not to try because what if we fail or what if people don't like the real us, the one we keep hidden?

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Because hey, if they don't like us, at least it isn't the real us they're rejecting,

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_01]: and we can pretend that we didn't really care anyway.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_01]: So many of us live without our dreams and selves tucked away, and just float by with what life gives us,

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_01]: and criticize others or the state of the world,

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_01]: instead of working on ourselves or taking steps to fix those things we can change.

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_01]: The best realization I've had recently, which has helped me avoid despair in the midst of much dark environmental and political news and trying personal times,

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01]: is that I can restore my own sense of personal power and commit myself to things that I can change.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_01]: That might mean pledging to never use a plastic bag at the grocery store again,

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_01]: bringing a mason jar instead of using a disposable cup for beverages,

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_01]: or trying to use more kindness unless judgment toward others in my personal life.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I can walk through the fire and take ownership of myself and my life.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Now, I'm not saying that it's not worthwhile to fight for causes when believes in or speak out against injustice.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But it's important to look at ourselves first and examine what flaws we may be harboring in our own hearts.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_01]: A spirituality author, Mary Ann Williams, once humorously wrote,

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_01]: it amuses me how angriar used to get when people wouldn't sign my peace petitions, and quote,

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Williamson herself is an example of this principle.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_01]: One assumes she did not find a great deal of success in angrily yelling at people to sign her peace petitions.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Yet once she decided to look inward and change herself and examine her own human failings and weaknesses,

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_01]: she gained spiritual knowledge that has impacted millions and helped them find peace within their own hearts.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Ultimately, we can try to communicate and share with others, but we can't change them.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_01]: On the other hand, we always have the option to look inward, claim our power, and take the step of changing ourselves.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01]: We can make ourselves into the type of person we keep wishing others would be, and do the things we keep wishing others would do.

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_01]: And while it may be scary, it should also be an encouraging thought.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Because the truth is that the power for change, either for ourselves or the world, is not anywhere out there.

[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_01]: It has always been inside of us. You just listen to the post titled,

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we are the ones who need to change by Shannon Brown with TinyBuda.com

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And a big thank you to Shannon for this post.

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_01]: When the definitely comes in handy for each and every one of us at one point or another, should we choose to apply its lessons?

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Now, should you struggle with demanding change in others or in yourself to an unhealthy degree?

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_01]: What important thing to keep in mind is the evolution of nature.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_01]: That is to say that all of these bothersome behaviors that you bear witness to are inevitable results of nature.

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, the natural growth of technology and its influence, for example, has led to people being on their phones a lot right now.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_01]: It might not be something that you want to see, but it is a system that so many people are part of, and one of the current negative repercussions of that system is people having a hard time putting their phones down.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_01]: So, if we can look at how a lot of these undesirable traits are in many ways inevitable,

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_01]: I think it helps us to be more empathetic and understanding.

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And from there, hopefully, able to shift into a place of acceptance and writing the wave of life and trying to bring about healthy change without persecuting ourselves or others in the process.

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_01]: So, try this approach on for size today.

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll leave you to it as it is time to wrap up now and call it a day.

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks a lot for tuning in and starting your week off with us folks.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: We really appreciate it and definitely could not do this without you.

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Have an amazing rest of your day and we should have come back tomorrow for more.

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_01]: That's where your optimal life awaits.