2091: Radically New Relationships AND Prevent Your Edge From Harming Your Relationships by Lisa Merlo Booth on Emotional Safety

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily Episode 291, Radically New Relationships AND Prevent Your Edge From Harming Your Relationships

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Both By Lisa Merlo Booth Of Lisa Merlo Booth.com

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello everybody, I'm your host and narrator Gregg Audino, coming to you with two posts this time

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes we are going to check in with some of Lisa Merlo Booth's work and I think you'll find that both of these posts are really grounding

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_00]: as they highlight some of the simplest and most important foundations upon which to build a successful relationship

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_00]: So let's jump right in and optimize your life

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Radically New Relationships Play by An Entirely Different Playbook by Lisa Merlo Booth

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Of Lisa Merlo Booth.com

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_00]: In a world that normalizes, minimizes and condones harmful behaviors, creating great relationships,

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_00]: families and businesses can be exceedingly difficult. People can justify raging at a child,

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_00]: lover or stranger, cheating on a spouse, blowing up at an employee, barely speaking to a loved one,

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_00]: incessant defensiveness and even abuse. We can normalize affairs, be okay with name calling

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00]: and believe that as long as a person doesn't know about your actions that whatever you do is okay

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: No wonder why life can be so hard. Too many people believe that micro and macro hurts are just

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00]: part of the everyday fabric of relationships. We hear someone call a woman a fat pig and far too many

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: human beings actually ask themselves if she looks like one rather than being a Paul that a human

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: being would remotely think that it is okay to say that. The person cheats on their partner

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00]: and people wonder what the partner did that led the person to cheat rather than being clear

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00]: that cheating breaks hearts and it is the person who betrayed who's responsible for the harm

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: they caused for that decision. Someone famous hits his girlfriend and blames his actions on her.

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Our world then wonders what she did to deserve it, rather than knowing that hitting your

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: significant other is a line you never cross for any reason. Our world should unequivocally know

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_00]: that love and physical abuse should never go together and is always the fault of the abuser.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Always. If you're looking for radically new relationships, you have to adopt and practice

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_00]: radically different rules of engagement. Understand that these rules include,

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: uncompromising safety. There is no excuse for abuse, yours or anyone else's.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Your emotional and physical safety as well as the safety of those around you is a pre-requisite

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: for healthy relationships. Courageous accountability. This is a non-negotiable at home in the office

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: and out in the world. If you can't own up to your actions or others can't own up to theirs

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: and make a men's, then this issue will block healthy relationships. Absolutely equality. Every human

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_00]: being is absolutely equal to every other human being. In your home office and the world,

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: if you don't live by this rule and surround yourself with others who do the same,

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: then you have work to do if you hope to create great relationships. And genuine warm regard.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: All healthy relationships that feel good to be in have at their core,

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: genuine warm regard for the humanity of those around them. They are kind, relational,

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: respectful and feel good to be a part of. Challenge. Radically new relationships play by an

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: entirely different playbook. Consider the rules we've just listed and notice which ones

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: are and are not present in your relationships. Raise the bar and start creating the life and

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00]: relationships you've been wanting. You deserve it and so do those around you.

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Prevent your edge from harming your relationships by Lisa Merlo Booth of Lisa Merlo Booth.com.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone has their edge that need your move they do when they are at their worst. It is the

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: survival move you learned when you were a child. Children know what they live and they live

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_00]: with they know. As a child, you watch the adults in your life interact every day. You saw how

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_00]: they fought or didn't fight, how they handled feedback or defended against it and how they acted

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: when they were angry or upset. Every day you took in the spoken and unspoken rules of the road

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_00]: regarding behavior in your family and learned how to manage relationships by watching how they

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: manage theirs. What you watched play out every day, you learned a copy and take on. The thing

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: about your edge is that it can be very effective at the moment, raging shuts people down and

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_00]: tops an argument in its tracks, acting out passive aggressively avoids a direct confrontation,

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00]: silencing avoids a more significant blow up and can keep you safe from a rager.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Acting defensively every time someone attempts to hold you accountable for your behavior,

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00]: eventually gets people to stop trying to talk to you about their upsets. You make that knee-jerk

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: move you do because it works in the short run. No edge however works in the long run.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Edges harm relationships, block intimacy, breakdown trust and wear down healthy connections.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Many people are unaware of what they do because it's such an automatic move that they've never given

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: it any thought. Knowing your edge is pivotal to changing it. Do you rage or silence or

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00]: placate in times of conflict? Maybe you become passive aggressive or relentlessly defensive?

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you controlling or do you micro-manage everyone around you? How you live your life and show

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00]: up in your relationships is 100% your responsibility. It's your job to work on your edge,

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: to go the sharpness, round the edges and become a safe, reliable, relational spouse,

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: parent, friend, boss, employee, human being. Challenge! Take the time to slow down and become

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: aware of your edge, how it shows up, and what triggers you to act out this edge. Next do the

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: work you need to do to manage your edge so your edge doesn't end up driving your life. You

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00]: just listen to the posts titled, radically new relationships play by an entirely different

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_00]: playbook and prevent your edge from harming your relationships both by Lisa Merlow Booth of

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: LisaMurlowbooth.com and a couple of wonderful short posts which I'm really happy to have read for

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00]: you guys today. The running theme here is absolutely a sense of accountability, which is

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_00]: more to all of Lisa's work really. You know we always have the opportunity to take responsibility

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: for our lives, including over things that we truly might not be guilty of causing. We still

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: have the option to ask ourselves how might I have played a part in this and now that this

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: is occurred what can I do to better it? It's tough to ask such questions of ourselves when we

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00]: know how hard we try and when the idea of working on yet another part of our lives feels so exhausting,

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: piled on top of everything else we have to maintain. But it is a necessity for healthy relationships

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00]: and the act of asking ourselves these types of questions rather than blaming in and of itself

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: is something our partners will greatly appreciate. And I should say also that yesterday's episode

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_00]: really addressed this idea so be sure to check that one out if you haven't already. So some things

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00]: to think about here, I hope these posts help you to take your level of personal accountability

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_00]: to the next level. And of course I also hope you will come on back tomorrow for more content.

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00]: That's where your optimal life awaits.