2093: How Can A Parent Find Hope When Their Child Is Suffering? by Allison Carmen on Philosophy of Maybe, Uncertainty & Parenting Challenges

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like

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[00:00:17] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2093. How can a parent find hope when their child is suffering? By Allison

[00:00:26] Carmen of Allison Carmen dot com. Hello everybody and welcome to another

[00:00:32] parenting edition of awardee with me your host and narrator Greg Audino. If

[00:00:37] you're new here each Thursday and Friday we share articles that relate to the

[00:00:41] parenting journey specifically as it is very layered and therefore there are many different perspectives we can consider

[00:00:47] to help ourselves become the best parents we can be.

[00:00:50] Today, we will hear the work of Alison Carmen,

[00:00:53] offering advice and her own story about how to find hope when one's child is suffering.

[00:00:59] So let's get into it now as we optimize your life.

[00:01:06] Let's get into it now as we optimize your life. How can a parent find hope when their child is suffering?

[00:01:10] By Allison Karmen of allysenkarmen.com

[00:01:15] Like most people, the key to my emotional suffering is my attachment to what I desire

[00:01:20] for my life.

[00:01:21] In the past, if the outcome to a situation wasn't clear, I became negative

[00:01:26] and worried that the worst-case scenario was on its way. As many of you know, I finally

[00:01:32] found relief from much of my pain by embracing the philosophy of maybe. Like a burst of sunlight,

[00:01:38] I realized that life could unfold in many ways, and maybe, whatever I desired would come to

[00:01:43] fruition, maybe something else

[00:01:45] could happen, or maybe I would be okay no matter what. This turn of thought brought me

[00:01:51] ease and enabled me to live in the present moment. I was able to let go of my attachment

[00:01:57] to things happening one way, and I found myself opening up to the entire playing field of

[00:02:02] life. However, I still struggled and suffered

[00:02:05] with uncertainty in one area of life. Parenting.

[00:02:10] I am attached to my children. My desire for my children to be well, happy, and peaceful

[00:02:16] will not waver. I felt the strength of this commitment especially seven weeks ago, when

[00:02:22] my oldest daughter sustained a head injury.

[00:02:25] I couldn't stand her pain and suffering, and would have gladly taken it from her and

[00:02:29] upon myself, but of course I couldn't.

[00:02:32] My desire for her to recover was so deep, it predominated over all other thought.

[00:02:38] As her healing required rest, I felt her disappointment at having to quit her summer job.

[00:02:44] My heart sank as she worried whether her memory would fully return, and as she struggled to

[00:02:48] read because her eyes would not stay on the page.

[00:02:52] There was no detachment for my heart, and every minute she suffered, I suffered too.

[00:02:57] I remember thinking to myself, where is maybe, now when I'm so entrenched in pain and worry?

[00:03:04] Then a quote that I read a few weeks earlier came to mind.

[00:03:07] It was, Uncertainty is the Refuge of Hope, by Henri Frederick Amiel.

[00:03:14] And in that moment, some of my pain went away.

[00:03:18] I felt some space in my breath, and remembered, the unknown is my friend.

[00:03:23] I always believed that my daughter would heal,

[00:03:26] but my worry was so dense at times

[00:03:28] that I couldn't feel hope.

[00:03:30] This quote and the connection between maybe and uncertainty

[00:03:34] fed my spirit with more space for all the possibilities.

[00:03:38] Maybe her healing would take some time,

[00:03:40] and that was okay.

[00:03:41] Maybe she would need therapy to heal,

[00:03:44] and maybe we would spend more time together as a family during her recovery.

[00:03:49] I found the courage to find the hope and the uncertainty that had proved so hard for me

[00:03:53] to handle.

[00:03:54] With maybe, I was able to hold my attachment to the future less tightly and with more ease

[00:03:59] and grace.

[00:04:01] I was able to accept where my daughter was in the healing process and saw that over

[00:04:05] time life would change and that there was hope for new beginnings and new opportunities

[00:04:10] for her. Now, seven weeks after her injury, my daughter

[00:04:15] started her first day of high school. Some symptoms remain, but she is expected to make

[00:04:20] a full recovery. I feel so grateful and blessed in this moment, and

[00:04:25] hopeful for her future. I realize that my emotional hook to my children's well-being

[00:04:30] is a tricky place in my search for joy and peace in life. Yet, at least with maybe, I

[00:04:36] can hold it in a wider place where there is more room for change, hope, and possibility

[00:04:42] through the daily challenges of parenting.

[00:04:45] We all have tough moments in parenting.

[00:04:47] Every parent would take all the pain and disappointment from their children in a minute as their

[00:04:51] own.

[00:04:52] Unfortunately, as much as we feel their pain with them, we can't take it from them.

[00:04:57] But when we realize that most of these painful memories still offer each of us the hope that

[00:05:02] maybe everything will be okay? Our suffering

[00:05:05] lessons. With maybe, more air enters into the room to help us breathe and get through

[00:05:10] the challenging times. It gives a more grounded perspective for us and our children for moving

[00:05:16] forward. My heart opens to every parent trying to do the best today for their child. I hope

[00:05:22] maybe can ease your pain and help you to remember

[00:05:25] that life will keep changing and so much is possible for each of our children.

[00:05:34] You just listened to the post titled, How Can a Parent Find Hope When Their Child Is Suffering?

[00:05:40] By Allison Carman of AllisonCarman.com

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[00:07:58] q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash ORD to get free shipping and 365 day returns. and If you are watching your child suffer, or really if you're experiencing anything that you might

[00:08:25] classify as particularly traumatic, it can be a lot easier to read or listen about someone

[00:08:32] shifting into this kind of mindset than to do it yourself. It might not seem realistic,

[00:08:39] it might seem hokey, and if that is your interpretation, then you might find yourself

[00:08:43] getting awfully mad at this type of content that we heard today.

[00:08:47] Try to catch yourself there.

[00:08:49] Look, you don't have to be ready to adopt Allison's way of thinking right now upon finishing this article.

[00:08:55] But at least see if you can entertain the possibility of it.

[00:09:00] See if you can save yourself.

[00:09:02] Maybe a mindset shift like this could be helpful

[00:09:05] for me someday or for those who are able to make one.

[00:09:09] Remaining open and suspending judgment when it comes to how others are healing can be

[00:09:13] a great first step when we are grieving or worrying about similar things.

[00:09:18] So think about that folks, it's time to wrap up for today and call Curtin on another episode

[00:09:22] of awardee.

[00:09:23] Thank you so much for tuning in as always and making this episode possible.

[00:09:27] And I hope to see you again in tomorrow's episode, where your optimal life awaits.