2095: What’s a Budget Date? Why You Need Them as a Couple by Amanda Brownlow of HelloBrownlow on Financial Health & Couples Finance

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[00:00:57] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2095.

[00:01:05] What's a budget date?

[00:01:06] Why you need them as a couple?

[00:01:08] Buy Amanda Brownlow of hellobrownlow.com

[00:01:12] Hello everybody!

[00:01:13] Happy Saturday and thank you so much for making the time to tune into Optimal Relationships

[00:01:17] Daily.

[00:01:18] I'm Greg Audino, your host and narrator.

[00:01:21] Here to read another article for you about relationship building.

[00:01:24] Now this one comes from Amanda Brownlow of hellobrownlow.com.

[00:01:28] She focuses a lot on the financial side of family and parenting life, and in this post she's

[00:01:33] going to talk about the value of what she refers to as a budget date.

[00:01:38] So let's hear what she's got for us as we optimize your life.

[00:01:45] What's a budget date?

[00:01:47] Why you need them as a couple?

[00:01:49] Buy Amanda Brownlow of hellobrownlow.com

[00:01:53] Being budgets is just so romantic.

[00:01:56] I love it when my husband talks those numbers to me.

[00:01:59] Said no wife ever.

[00:02:02] But yet we need to talk about money.

[00:02:05] It's hard to talk about money when you can't seem to find the time.

[00:02:08] Maybe your jobs or kids get in the way of real, deep conversation about your finances.

[00:02:14] Several years ago when we decided to go to one income my husband had an idea.

[00:02:19] Let's go to dinner and talk about our finances in a lower pressure environment.

[00:02:24] It was then that the budget date was born.

[00:02:27] So what's a budget date?

[00:02:29] You've heard about movie dates, dinner dates and the like.

[00:02:33] But today we're talking about something brand new.

[00:02:36] Budget dates.

[00:02:37] No, it isn't a cheap date, although I do love saving money when we go out.

[00:02:42] A budget date is just like it sounds.

[00:02:45] Budget dates are when you and your spouse have a loan time, normally out of the house,

[00:02:49] to talk about your budget and financial health.

[00:02:52] Forget fighting about money.

[00:02:54] Budget dates open the door to honest conversation about your overall financial health.

[00:02:59] When you talk about your budget, you can more easily achieve your goals with your partner.

[00:03:04] Why a budget date?

[00:03:06] Dates give us an opportunity to be alone with our spouses and reconnect.

[00:03:10] We share food, laughter and actual conversation.

[00:03:14] Your mind doesn't wander about if you should start the next load of laundry or when you last

[00:03:18] choward.

[00:03:19] Being out and being focused on just your spouse opens a wide opportunity to discuss whatever

[00:03:24] you'd like, in this case finances.

[00:03:27] Isn't a budget date in public uncomfortable?

[00:03:31] When you go out in public, what is an embarrassing thing that could happen?

[00:03:35] Your skirt could be tucked into your underpants.

[00:03:38] You could spill your drink in unfortunate places.

[00:03:41] You could get into a fight with your spouse and no one wants that.

[00:03:45] Dates about money are more easily erupted at home, in private where no one can see or

[00:03:49] hear you.

[00:03:51] When you're in public, the likelihood of both parties to remain calm and think of real

[00:03:55] practical solutions goes up.

[00:03:57] But people can hear us talk about our money.

[00:04:00] Yes, nosy table neighbors can hear and listen to your conversation.

[00:04:05] But honestly, I'm probably listening to their conversation too.

[00:04:09] And you know what?

[00:04:10] They'll forget about it as soon as they start eating or ease into their own conversation.

[00:04:14] Unless the people next to you happen to be friends or acquaintances, I wouldn't worry

[00:04:18] too much about it.

[00:04:20] But my spreadsheet's...

[00:04:21] Look, I love a good budget spreadsheet as much as the next girl, but listen, you don't

[00:04:26] need it.

[00:04:28] Bring a small, simple note pad and pen to jot down questions, topics and notes.

[00:04:33] Don't look at your phone and good heavens.

[00:04:35] Don't bring your tablet.

[00:04:37] Do they actually work?

[00:04:39] Yes, budget dates actually work.

[00:04:41] We've been on several when we know a big financial decision is coming up.

[00:04:45] The action of stepping away from our everyday life, meaning a baby tugging at us for more

[00:04:50] food, gives us the ability to converse about what we need to.

[00:04:54] The decision to live on one income would not have happened so readily if we didn't go

[00:04:58] on the budget date that preceded it.

[00:05:00] We were able to discuss the pros and cons of me staying home full time.

[00:05:04] We were able to talk real numbers.

[00:05:06] There were ways that we found a cut back on expenses.

[00:05:09] I established goals for myself as a stay-at-home mom.

[00:05:12] If we would have been at our own dinner table discussing this, I would have become distracted

[00:05:16] by our baby or doing a chore being out helped us focus.

[00:05:22] But I can't afford to go on dates all the time.

[00:05:25] I know going on a date just to talk about money seems excessive, especially if you're trying

[00:05:30] to save money.

[00:05:32] Budget dates are meant to help you through tough financial decisions, or even just start

[00:05:36] to work on your budget.

[00:05:38] Going out provides a new perspective and a space where you're less likely to fight.

[00:05:43] Settling a concrete date gives you time to prepare any questions, comments, and concerns

[00:05:47] ahead of time.

[00:05:49] But when you just need to update your budget or tweak a few things, why not set a regular

[00:05:54] budget meeting?

[00:05:55] My husband and I have budget meetings every Sunday during our kiddos nap time.

[00:05:59] We review transactions, update our budget spreadsheet, and adjust when necessary.

[00:06:05] This also allows us to pay bills coming due in the next week and make transfers from

[00:06:09] account to account if needed.

[00:06:11] The best part?

[00:06:12] I can wear my yoga pants and a messy bun.

[00:06:16] Before you go.

[00:06:17] Before you run off to your first budget date, here are a few things to think about and take

[00:06:21] notes on.

[00:06:23] What is the purpose of the budget date?

[00:06:26] Goals for the date, i.e. come to an agreement on budget, decide to transition to one income,

[00:06:31] find a way to pay for vacation, etc.

[00:06:35] Finds for your spouse about money, finances, and or budget, and concerns you have about

[00:06:40] the goal in number two.

[00:06:42] That being goals for the date.

[00:06:44] Bring that sheet with you on your date.

[00:06:46] It's not nerdy or uncomfortable to pull a piece of paper out of your purse while a

[00:06:50] dinner.

[00:06:51] Trust me.

[00:06:52] It can help you guide the conversation and stay focused.

[00:06:55] So I task you with this.

[00:06:58] Go to your spouse and let them know you want to talk about whatever financial topic.

[00:07:03] It's that you go out instead of staying into talk about it.

[00:07:06] Set a date, find a sitter, make reservations and jot down notes of what you want to talk

[00:07:12] about.

[00:07:17] You just listen to the post titled What's a budget date?

[00:07:20] Why you need them as a couple?

[00:07:22] Buy a man to brown low of hellobrownlow.com and be sure to stick around for my commentary

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[00:09:56] And thank you very much to Amanda for this post.

[00:09:58] A good reminder issued to all couples.

[00:10:01] I love this idea and we've talked a million times about how crucial it is to be communicative

[00:10:06] and on the same page about finances as not doing so can quickly derail relationships.

[00:10:13] But I think it should also be said in light of today's post that talking about budgeting

[00:10:18] or going on budget dates is not only about money.

[00:10:22] Beneath the surface is really in honest discussion about priorities, about safety, about teamwork.

[00:10:30] It's not just money.

[00:10:31] It's really the health of your relationship that's on the table.

[00:10:35] There are so many components that keep a good relationship functioning and while some

[00:10:39] of them are really on the nose like physical affection, time spent together or other

[00:10:44] easily identifiable love languages, there are a lot that lie between the cracks as well.

[00:10:50] And having a stable financial foundation is absolutely a way of ensuring good camaraderie

[00:10:55] with your partner.

[00:10:56] So don't be afraid to go out there and don't mistake this for something materialistic.

[00:11:01] But that's going to bring us to the end for today everybody.

[00:11:04] Thanks a lot for tuning in and do consider planning a budget date with you or beloved.

[00:11:08] I hope you're enjoying your weekend and be sure to come back tomorrow and join us again

[00:11:12] for both our regular Sunday episode as well as our weekly bonus episode.

[00:11:17] That's where your optimal life awaits.