2098: [Part 1] A Brief History of Romantic Love and Why It Kind of Sucks by Mark Manson on Emotional Attachment

[00:00:00] First, the bad news. SAP Business AI won't help you generate Cubist versions of your family's holiday photos.

[00:00:07] But it will help you understand which supplier is best to help you roll out your plant-based packaging in Southeast Asia,

[00:00:13] or identify the training your junior project manager needs to rise up the ranks,

[00:00:17] and automate repetitive tasks while you focus on big innovations.

[00:00:21] So you can be ready for the next opportunity.

[00:00:24] Revolutionary technology, real

[00:00:25] world results. That's SAP Business AI.

[00:00:31] This episode is brought to you by Bumble. So you want to find someone you're compatible

[00:00:35] with, specifically someone who's ready for a series connection, totally open to having

[00:00:40] kids in the future, is a tall, raw-climbing Libra, and loves rom-coms with

[00:00:45] vegan pizzas on Tuesdays just as much as you do. Bumble knows that you know exactly what's

[00:00:50] right for you, so whatever it is you're looking for, Bumble's features can help you find it.

[00:00:56] Date now on Bumble.

[00:00:58] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2098. A brief history of romantic love and why it kind of sucks part 1

[00:01:07] by Mark Manson of Mark Manson net

[00:01:11] Hello everybody and welcome back to O.R.D.

[00:01:14] I'm your host and narrator Greg Audino and this is the place where I narrate content for you that helps you improve your relationships

[00:01:21] this content comes from some of the best writers and blogs on the internet and

[00:01:29] Sometimes the best way to understand something can actually be to learn the history behind it. Over today and tomorrow's episodes, I'll be reading a longer post from Mark Manson,

[00:01:35] in which he breaks down the history of love, how it's gotten to where it is today, and

[00:01:40] what that might mean for everybody. It's a really cool article that I think you'll

[00:01:43] enjoy, and a different lesson than what we

[00:01:45] might normally share.

[00:01:46] Let's jump into it now and start optimizing your life.

[00:01:54] A Brief History of Romantic Love and Why It Kinda Sucks, Part 1, by Mark Manson of markmanson.net

[00:02:03] First fact. 1. First Fact At some point during evolution between Plankton and Bon Jovi, apes evolved the ability to

[00:02:10] become emotionally attached to one another.

[00:02:13] This emotional attachment would eventually come to be known as love, and evolution would

[00:02:18] one day produce a bevy of singers from New Jersey who would make millions writing cheesy

[00:02:22] songs about it.

[00:02:24] 2. New Jersey who would make millions writing cheesy songs about it. Second fact.

[00:02:26] Humans evolved the ability to become attached to each other.

[00:02:29] That is, the ability to love each other because it helped us survive.

[00:02:33] This isn't exactly romantic or sexy, but it's true.

[00:02:37] We didn't evolve big fangs or huge claws or insane guerrilla strength.

[00:02:41] Instead, we evolved the ability to emotionally bond into

[00:02:45] communities and families where we became largely inclined to cooperate with one another. These

[00:02:50] communities and families turned out to be far more effective than any claw or anything.

[00:02:56] Humanity soon dominated the planet.

[00:02:59] Third Fact

[00:03:00] As humans, we instinctively develop loyalty and defection for those who show us the most

[00:03:05] loyalty and defection.

[00:03:06] This is all love really is, an irrational degree of loyalty and defection for another

[00:03:11] person, to the point that we'd let ourselves come to harm or even die for that person.

[00:03:17] It may sound insane, but it's these symbiotic warm fuzzies that keep the species relying

[00:03:23] on one another long enough to survive the savannas and populate the planet and invent Netflix.

[00:03:29] Fourth fact, let's all take a moment and thank Evolution for Netflix.

[00:03:33] Fifth fact, the ancient Greek philosopher Plato argued that the highest form of love

[00:03:38] was actually this non-coital, non-romantic form of attachment to another person, this

[00:03:44] so-called brotherly

[00:03:45] love.

[00:03:46] Plato reasoned correctly that since passion and romance and intimacy often make us do

[00:03:51] ridiculous things that we regret, this sort of passionless love between two family members

[00:03:58] or between two close friends was the height of virtuous human experience.

[00:04:02] In fact, Plato, like most people in the ancient

[00:04:05] world, looked upon romantic love with skepticism, if not absolute horror.

[00:04:11] Sixth Fact As with most things, Plato got it right before

[00:04:15] anybody else did. This is why non-coital love is often referred to as platonic love.

[00:04:21] Seventh Fact For most of human history, romantic love was looked upon as a kind of sickness.

[00:04:28] And if you think about it, it's not hard to figure out why.

[00:04:31] Romantic love causes people, especially young people, to do some stupid stuff.

[00:04:36] Trust me, one time when I was 21, I skipped class, bought a bus ticket, and rode across

[00:04:41] three states to surprise a girl I was in love with. She freaked out

[00:04:46] and I was soon back on the bus heading home, just as single as when I came. What an idiot.

[00:04:52] That bus ride seemed like a great idea at the time because it seemed like such a romantic idea.

[00:04:57] My emotions were going crazy the whole time. I was lost in a fantasy world and loving it.

[00:05:03] But now, it's just sort of an embarrassing thing I did back when I was young and dumb

[00:05:08] and didn't know any better.

[00:05:10] It's this sort of poor decision making that made the ancient skeptical of romantic love's

[00:05:15] utility.

[00:05:16] Instead, many cultures treated it as some sort of unfortunate disease we all have to go through

[00:05:21] and get over in our lives.

[00:05:23] Kinda like chickenpox. In fact, classic stories like the Iliad or Romeo and Juliet weren't celebrations of

[00:05:30] love.

[00:05:31] They were warnings against the potential negative consequences of love.

[00:05:35] Of how romantic love can potentially ruin everything.

[00:05:38] See, for most of human history, people didn't marry because of their feelings for one another.

[00:05:44] Feelings didn't matter in the ancient world.

[00:05:46] Why?

[00:05:48] Because there are fields to plow and cows to feed and oh no, Attila the Hun just massacred

[00:05:52] your entire extended family the next village over.

[00:05:55] There was no time for romance and certainly no tolerance for the risky behaviors it encouraged

[00:06:02] among people.

[00:06:03] There was too much life or death work to be accomplished.

[00:06:07] Marriage was meant for baby making and sound finances.

[00:06:11] Romantic love, if permitted at all, was reserved for the heady realm of mistresses and womanizers.

[00:06:17] For most of human history, for the majority of humanity, their sustenance and survival

[00:06:22] hung by a tiny thread.

[00:06:24] People had shorter life expectancies than my mother's cats.

[00:06:28] Everything you did had to be done for the simple sake of survival.

[00:06:32] Marriages were arranged by families not because they liked each other and especially not

[00:06:37] because they loved each other, but because their farms went together nicely and the

[00:06:41] families could share some wheat or barley when the next flood or drought hit.

[00:06:46] Marriages were a purely economic arrangement designed to promote the survival and prosperity

[00:06:52] of both extended families.

[00:06:54] So if Junior gets the tingles in his pants and wants to run away with the milkmaid across

[00:06:58] town, this wasn't just an inconvenience.

[00:07:02] This was a legitimate threat to the community's survival, and it was treated as such.

[00:07:07] In fact, this kind of behavior was so treacherous in young men that most ancient societies castrated

[00:07:13] young boys so they wouldn't have to deal with their philandering.

[00:07:16] This had a side benefit of producing excellent-sounding boys' choirs.

[00:07:20] It wasn't until the industrial age that things began to change.

[00:07:25] People began to take up work in city centers and factories.

[00:07:28] Their income and thus their economic future was no longer tied to the land and they were

[00:07:33] able to make money independent of their family.

[00:07:36] They didn't have to rely on inheritances or family connections the way people did in

[00:07:40] the ancient world.

[00:07:41] And so the economic and political components of marriage ceased

[00:07:45] to make much sense.

[00:07:47] To be continued.

[00:07:52] You just listened to part one of the post titled, A Brief History of Romantic Love and

[00:07:58] Why It Kind of Sucks, by Mark Manson of markmanson.net.

[00:08:03] Now I am a big believer that if you want to be your best self in

[00:08:06] your relationships or in anything you do, you need to fuel yourself properly. And that's why I'm so

[00:08:11] happy to have this show sponsored by Factor. Factor is delicious, ready to eat meals, make

[00:08:17] eating better every day easy. You'll have over 35 options a week to choose from, including keto, calorie smart, vegan and veggie, and

[00:08:26] more.

[00:08:27] And there's even more to enjoy with over 55 nutrition-packed add-ons that help make

[00:08:31] your weekly meal planning even more delicious.

[00:08:34] Factor is the perfect solution if you're looking for fast, upscale, and healthy options

[00:08:39] done easily.

[00:08:40] Now, to mention it's flexible for your schedule, Get as much or as little as you need by choosing

[00:08:45] anywhere from 6 to 18 meals per week. Plus you can pause or reschedule your deliveries

[00:08:50] anytime with no hassle whatsoever if something changes.

[00:08:54] So, head to factormeals.com slash optimal50, that's optimal50, and use code optimal50 to get 50% off. That's code optimal50 at factormeals.com

[00:09:07] slash optimal50 to get 50% off.

[00:09:11] Picture a wardrobe upgrade with quality essentials

[00:09:13] at an unbeatable price.

[00:09:15] Quince has you covered with timeless pieces

[00:09:17] that never go out of style.

[00:09:19] You'll have them in your closet forever.

[00:09:21] Quince has all the must-haves,

[00:09:23] like Mongolian cashmere crewneck sweaters

[00:09:25] from $50, iconic 100% leather jackets, and versatile flow-knit activewear. And all Quince

[00:09:32] items are priced 50-80% less than similar brands. That's because, by partnering directly

[00:09:38] with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings onto

[00:09:43] us. And most importantly, Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible

[00:09:49] manufacturing practices, along with premium fabrics and finishes.

[00:09:53] And as for me, I love Quince's versatility too.

[00:09:57] They have great home items as well as clothes, and I've been really happy with the bedding

[00:10:00] that I bought from them.

[00:10:02] When you look at it and you feel the material, you can tell easily that it's of high quality. So, indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quince.com

[00:10:10] slash ord for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash And thanks a lot to Mark for a wonderful start to this article.

[00:10:34] So if you've been listening for a while, you know that the history of love is not something

[00:10:37] we normally address.

[00:10:39] So this was some great information to cover, and certainly information that sparks some

[00:10:43] reflection, if you ask me.

[00:10:45] Our feelings, certainly feelings about love, often feel so unique to us, right?

[00:10:50] So separate from what others may be going through.

[00:10:54] But even skimming through this brief history helps us to see love from its humblest beginnings,

[00:10:59] and can maybe put some of our own thoughts and actions related to love into perspective. Why these experiences might be here for us, and how unavoidable their repetition might

[00:11:09] be.

[00:11:10] I'm looking forward to tomorrow's second part where Mark wraps this up further and

[00:11:13] talks about how it affects us today.

[00:11:16] So I'll save the majority of my commentary for then, like I usually do with two parters.

[00:11:20] That being said, be sure to come on back tomorrow to hear the rest and get a sense of love's

[00:11:24] evolution, and maybe speculate as to how it might evolve next.

[00:11:28] Hoping to see you back here for all of that tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.