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Episode 2109:
In this episode, host Greg Audino narrates Julie Morgenstern's blog post about being a media mentor for children. The post discusses the pervasive influence of smartphones and the importance of modeling healthy technology use as parents. Morgenstern suggests creating household technology rules, making conscious choices about technology usage, setting and enforcing screen time limits for children, and even planning a three-day technology detox for the whole family.
Read along with the original article(s) here: https://www.juliemorgenstern.com/tips-tools-blog/2018/4/20/parents-can-you-be-a-digital-media-mentor-for-your-child
Quotes to ponder:
"Parents are so overloaded that they feel the need to fill every micro-moment with another task, another phone call, another connection."
"Kids imitate what their parents do. If you want your kids to have a healthy relationship with technology, you must model it yourself."
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[00:00:52] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 21-09. How to be a media mentor for your child.
[00:00:59] By Julie Morgan Stern of Julie Morgan Stern.com. Hello, every day.
[00:01:06] And welcome back to ORD. This time for a parenting edition. I'm your host and narrator
[00:01:10] Greg Audino. And for now, let's get right to this post from Julie Morgan Stern as we optimize your life.
[00:01:20] How to Be a Media Mentor for Your Child. By Julie Morgan Stern of Julie Morgan Stern.com.
[00:01:35] We have become a nation of phone zombies. Everywhere I go, people are looking at their phones.
[00:01:41] On street corners, park benches, in line at the grocery store waiting for the subway.
[00:01:47] Even while out to dinner with other people. Do you reach Grogly for your phone before you do anything else in the morning?
[00:01:54] You're not alone. According to the latest Pew Research, 95% of Americans own some kind of cell phone.
[00:02:02] If you are between the ages of 30 and 49, there's close to a 90% chance that you own a smartphone.
[00:02:09] We are so mindlessly connected to our devices, constantly checking email, texts, social media
[00:02:16] that it's hurting our ability to be present for anything. Surely you've seen the reports that show cell phone addiction can alter the way your brain functions.
[00:02:24] From the parent's perspective, it's understandable. Parents are so overloaded that they feel the need to fill every micro moment with another task,
[00:02:32] another phone call, another connection.
[00:02:35] And let's be honest, being a parent has many joyful moments.
[00:02:39] But parts of it are also boring and the temptation to just take a quick look at Twitter or Instagram can be hard to resist.
[00:02:47] Those quick hits of social media can also make us feel less isolated.
[00:02:51] But think about it from the perspective of your child. When a parent is on a device, the child makes assumptions about where he falls in the pecking order.
[00:03:00] So how do we use all the wonderful gadgets and devices that our fingertips to help us, not distract us?
[00:03:07] How do we ensure that our children don't become addicted to technology?
[00:03:12] If they see you cradling your phone 24-7, is it any wonder why it's a problem?
[00:03:17] Just like table manners and four letter words, kids imitate what their parents do.
[00:03:22] If you want your kids to have a healthy relationship with technology, you must model it yourself.
[00:03:29] Here's how. Create household technology rules that promote intentional use.
[00:03:35] Consider establishing a new household norm that encourages all family members to park their phones in a special landing dock.
[00:03:42] It could even be a big, beautiful box placed in a prominent location near your entryway.
[00:03:47] During designated times, everyone can retrieve their phones from the docking station.
[00:03:52] The physical separation will be hard at first, but persist.
[00:03:56] It can make it easy for everyone to be present and more conscious about their use of technology.
[00:04:02] Make conscious choices about what you use technology for and when.
[00:04:07] Maybe because you work on a screen all day, you read paper books at night.
[00:04:12] Maybe while playing a board game, if one of the players has a question, the rule in your house is don't Google it.
[00:04:19] Instead, stay connected to the people at the table, relying on memory alone.
[00:04:24] On vacation, pull out an old school map or ask for directions instead of relying on apps like Ways.
[00:04:31] It's amazing what you'll notice when your head isn't buried in your screen.
[00:04:35] Set rules on screen time and stick to them.
[00:04:38] Be bold and stand tall in decisions about when and for what purpose your kids can use devices such as iPads and cell phones.
[00:04:46] It's a slippery slope because today's devices can be used for homework, social media and entertainment.
[00:04:53] It's not as if technology is bad, but you know better the dangers of digital addiction than your kids.
[00:04:59] Don't throw your hands up in surrender.
[00:05:02] Expect pushback.
[00:05:04] Technology is physiologically addictive so don't be surprised when your kids' Bach or throw tantrums when you say times up.
[00:05:12] Think of it like cotton candy.
[00:05:14] No matter how much they scream for more, at a certain point you just say no because you, the adult, know it's not good for them.
[00:05:23] Plan a 3-day technology detox for the whole family.
[00:05:27] Lots of families, I might even argue most families, have a less than healthy relationship to technology.
[00:05:35] So invest in a reset.
[00:05:37] During this 3-day detox, plan activities that involve a full body experience.
[00:05:43] Go for a hike.
[00:05:44] Have a catch.
[00:05:45] Play board games.
[00:05:46] Make pasta from scratch.
[00:05:48] Rediscover your love of crafts.
[00:05:51] It'll be difficult.
[00:05:53] You may feel anxious.
[00:05:54] You will definitely want to check your phone just for a second.
[00:05:57] Tolerate the discomfort.
[00:05:59] Soon enough, your brain and your family's brains will find a different gear where you don't need the technology hit.
[00:06:07] Yes, you can be a digital media mentor for your child.
[00:06:11] You may even benefit in the process.
[00:06:14] You just listened to the post titled
[00:06:20] How to Be a Media Mentor for your Child
[00:06:23] by Julie Morgan Stern of Julie Morgan Stern.com
[00:06:26] And I'll be back with my comments in just a minute.
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[00:08:56] Okay, and thank you so much to Julie for this post and the ideas she has put forth.
[00:09:01] One theme you might notice that's present in a lot of her suggestions today is camaraderie or togetherness.
[00:09:07] You're hearing a lot about how the whole family can get involved, and that is really critical, especially if your kids are young and more reliant on family bonds instead of both family and friend bonds.
[00:09:19] Generally speaking, we're all more likely to stick with any habit or routine when we have the support of others doing it along with us.
[00:09:28] And oftentimes it doesn't even matter how we feel about the other people, which is bizarre I know.
[00:09:33] And mind you, this holds true in many ways.
[00:09:36] Working out is a really classic example.
[00:09:38] That's a habit that's a lot more likely to be followed up on or stuck with if you're doing it with a trainer or a friend or in a class.
[00:09:46] So think today about how you can leverage that sense of social support to promote healthy change in yourself, in your kids, in the home and out of the home.
[00:09:56] But that's going to bring us to the end for today folks.
[00:09:59] Thank you so much for tuning in and doing something good for your relationships today.
[00:10:03] Enjoy your Thursday and be sure to come back for another parenting post tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.