2112: The Darker Side of Keeping Up With The Joneses by Helene Massicotte of Free To Pursue on Financial Turmoil

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[00:00:58] at NDTCO.com. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2112. The darker side of keeping

[00:01:06] up with the Joneses by Alain Messy-Cott of free to pursue.com. Hello everybody, I'm

[00:01:13] Greg Audino and this is another weekly bonus episode of ORD on which I share with you

[00:01:18] previously aired content from other shows in our network. Content that might get you

[00:01:21] curious about seeing everything else that our podcast network has to offer and oftentimes

[00:01:26] content that crosses over with relationship building at least a little bit. Today's

[00:01:30] post will do just that coming from Optimal Finance Daily. Let's hear Diana with the post

[00:01:35] and her commentary as we optimize your life.

[00:01:42] The darker side of keeping up with the Joneses by Alain Messy-Cott of free to pursue.com

[00:01:49] Financial bloggers often speak of the downsides associated with keeping up with the Joneses,

[00:01:55] the folks who seem to be living that elusive good life. The thoughts go a little something

[00:02:01] like this. You spend more than you intend to because they make you want things you hadn't

[00:02:06] even considered important. You're never happy because you keep thinking about what they

[00:02:11] have and you don't. You feel the need to get bigger and better versions of the newer

[00:02:16] things you own as soon as you see they've upgraded their lifestyle. You feel that if

[00:02:22] you're a good provider like they appear to be, you need to be giving your family everything

[00:02:27] others are providing like education, leisure, experiences and material goods. You feel

[00:02:33] that if you go to a good school you have a chance at a better life like theirs. And you

[00:02:38] never save enough because no one has their bank balance printed on their forehead but

[00:02:44] folks will sure notice that you're driving a beater or that you're not wearing the big

[00:02:48] brands. If only that were the extent of the consequences associated with aspirational

[00:02:54] spending. The reality is that for many, keeping up with the Joneses has far more dire consequences

[00:03:02] as the movie of the same name clearly illustrates. If you're lucky, you just feel unhappy most

[00:03:08] of the time because you simply can't feel content with what you have. For many however,

[00:03:13] it doesn't stop there. Some of us experience depression associated with seeking external

[00:03:19] validation of our self-worth. Financial worry caused by a large and or growing debt load

[00:03:25] or insufficient savings. Strained family relationships caused by heavy work responsibilities associated

[00:03:33] with jobs that pay enough to maintain a given lifestyle. Stress associated with procuring

[00:03:39] the lifestyle that leads to health issues. Fear of the potential shame associated with being

[00:03:45] found out as living above our means. And frustration and anger at never having enough that can lead

[00:03:51] to isolation and substance abuse. If a few or many of these manifests, it can lead to the ultimate

[00:03:59] sacrifice giving up your life to finally be free of the burden that you believe will never ease.

[00:04:06] Suicidal thoughts are a reality for many and unfortunately as many movies, documentaries,

[00:04:12] books and nearly 68 million hits on Google for debt and suicide elucidate, a significant number

[00:04:19] of people and even families follow through. Building up our immunity. The Joneses are not bad people.

[00:04:28] They're part of our increasingly materialistic society and they don't know the damage they're

[00:04:33] causing. As a matter of fact, some of us are likely the Joneses to other people. What's worrisome

[00:04:40] is the effect that Joneses have on people who find themselves emotionally vulnerable.

[00:04:46] Becoming vulnerable to the lures of their lifestyle is easy if you feel you're not enough

[00:04:51] in your professional, personal, academic, family or social life. One small taste of affluence

[00:04:58] can easily make you want another hit. Soon the small hits aren't big enough and you want something

[00:05:03] bigger, better, batter. Affluenza is not much different than addiction when you really think about it.

[00:05:11] How can we avoid the darker side of keeping up with the Joneses?

[00:05:16] Number one, identify the problem and stay away. First, we need to recognize the signs that we're

[00:05:23] dealing with this type of influence. If we find where around people who are overly materialistic

[00:05:28] and make us want things, we need to stay away. Period. It may even mean that we're living in a

[00:05:34] toxic neighborhood and we need to move. Number two, build a financial cushion.

[00:05:40] Second, we need to ensure that we have the financial wear with all to address monetary slip-ups

[00:05:46] big and small. And that means having an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses

[00:05:51] to deal with unexpected high spending, emergencies, job loss and other events that can pull

[00:05:58] the carpet from under us and lead us to feel we don't have our life under control.

[00:06:02] Counter-intuitively, money scarcity can often lead to more spending and or poor performance at

[00:06:09] work that only serve to exacerbate the problem. Number three, invest in what matters most.

[00:06:17] Third, we also need to be vigilant and build up our immunity by staying mentally and physically healthy.

[00:06:23] We need to ensure we're taking care of ourselves by focusing on what really matters.

[00:06:28] The quality of our relationships, gratitude for what we have are uniqueness as individuals

[00:06:34] and our ability to continue to learn and develop. Interestingly enough, these activities have little

[00:06:40] to nothing to do with money and that means they're available to everyone. If you're currently

[00:06:46] dealing with the darker side of this issue, please seek help. When we feel we're in trouble,

[00:06:51] it's easy to think that our problems are bigger than they actually are and we don't have

[00:06:55] the mental bandwidth left to help ourselves. That's why asking for help is so important.

[00:07:00] So please talk to someone, get some guidance, get some help so you can get through it.

[00:07:10] You just listen to the post titled The Darker Side of Keeping Up with the Joneses by

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[00:08:36] I think a lend makes some great point in this article about being mindful of our circle

[00:08:42] of influence. It's easier to not play the game of keeping up with the Joneses if we're not hanging

[00:08:49] out with them. And that may not just apply to the people we surround ourselves with in the real world.

[00:08:55] Social media has a funny way of making us feel inadequate. When we see a carefully curated

[00:09:02] presentation of another person's life on Instagram, for example, it's easy to forget that that's not

[00:09:08] the whole picture. The grass may not actually be greener for those people. Perhaps what you're seeing

[00:09:14] is just an Instagram filter. I also think the key to not feeling a need to keep up with the Joneses

[00:09:20] is to develop a deep appreciation for what we already have. Just imagine what would happen if we

[00:09:27] spent as much energy being grateful for what we have as we do comparing ourselves to other people.

[00:09:34] I think that's part of what it means to have an abundance mindset. It's letting yourself be so

[00:09:39] consumed with gratitude for your own good fortune, that there is no mental bandwidth left for

[00:09:45] comparisons. Most of us are surrounded by incredible abundance and we don't even see it.

[00:09:52] I also think we make assumptions about how happy others who have more than us actually are.

[00:09:57] I had the pleasure of having dinner with a friend the other day who just moved into a gorgeous house,

[00:10:03] nearly triple the size of her previous house. As she was giving me a tour,

[00:10:07] she shared with me the stress of maintenance for a house that large. Rather than feeling jealous,

[00:10:13] I felt a sense of appreciation for my cute little house that has been a breeze to maintain.

[00:10:19] Bigger is not always better, my friends. And that'll do it for today and another installment

[00:10:25] of Optimal Finance Daily have a happy Thursday. Thank you for being here every day in listening

[00:10:31] and I'll see you on the Friday show tomorrow where your Optimal life awaits.