2117: [Part 1] The S*** They Don't Tell You: 12 Things New Parents Need to Know by Dan Schmidt with Nerd Fitness

[00:00:00] On April 5th, it must be very careful, Margaret. It's the girl witness the birth of

[00:00:05] our 10th roast dog down, evil things of evil. It's all personal don't.

[00:00:11] The first omen I believe to go is to be the mother of life.

[00:00:16] It's the most terrifying 6666 is the matter of the girl.

[00:00:20] The movie of the year.

[00:00:22] We did our under 179 minute without parent. Only Peter's equal theft gets to get

[00:00:29] to know.

[00:00:59] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2117. They don't tell you.

[00:01:07] 12 Things New Parents Need to Know Part 1

[00:01:11] by Dan Schmidt with NerdFitness.com

[00:01:14] Hello everybody and thanks a lot for joining me on ORD today.

[00:01:18] I'm Greg Audino, your host and narrator here to share part 1 of a longer parenting article

[00:01:23] with you.

[00:01:24] So as usual, I will start the read today and wrap up tomorrow.

[00:01:28] There is a lot to get through though so let's dive right in as we optimize your life.

[00:01:35] They don't tell you.

[00:01:38] 12 Things New Parents Need to Know Part 1 by Dan Schmidt with NerdFitness.com

[00:01:45] New parent, thinking of having kids? Thinking of not having kids?

[00:01:50] Today we're going to bring you some hard truths.

[00:01:53] I've just had my third child because I am a crazy person. I mean I love being a dad

[00:01:57] so much and there are still things that happen each day where I think, huh, never knew

[00:02:03] that. Even though I've been a parent educator for years, I still get shocked about how little

[00:02:09] I know.

[00:02:10] I've spoken to hundreds of expectant mothers and fathers in antinatal classes, giving

[00:02:16] them the general rundown on pregnancy, birthing, raising kids, child development, and parenting.

[00:02:23] Today, you are getting the real scoop. The stuff I don't even cover there.

[00:02:29] The decision to go for completion of the parenting quest is not to be made lightly. We're going

[00:02:34] to arm you with the knowledge of traps, bosses and challenges that lie ahead.

[00:02:40] Being prepared as key. So let's stock our inventory with some rarely passed on knowledge.

[00:02:46] Pregnancy.

[00:02:47] It's not that uncomfortable. It's the best time of your life. You'll be glowing.

[00:02:53] Wrong. Wrong. And wrong.

[00:02:56] Here's what to really expect when you're expecting.

[00:03:00] Number 1. It can be hard to even get pregnant. We were told all through high school, if

[00:03:06] you don't protect yourself, you will definitely get pregnant and die. Sure, it can, and in my

[00:03:11] public high school often did happen, but it can take months, even years, for a perfectly

[00:03:17] healthy young couple to conceive. At the age of 30, out of 100 couples trying to conceive

[00:03:23] naturally, only 20 will conceive within one month and around 85 will conceive within

[00:03:28] one year. Many couples spend years doing everything they can to not get pregnant, only to then

[00:03:35] spend years trying to get pregnant. It can be a super tough time on the couple who are

[00:03:40] often suffering in silence.

[00:03:42] Number 2. It can be hard to stay pregnant.

[00:03:46] Sometimes nature sucks. You've spent months or years trying to fall pregnant, and it's

[00:03:52] finally happened. You're so excited. You start planning names, telling the family of

[00:03:57] the good news, imagining the life ahead, when all of a sudden... sorry. Back to the start

[00:04:04] of the first mission.

[00:04:06] Speaking from experience, it's impossible to describe how devastating this is. Nobody

[00:04:11] really talks about it, but miscarriages very common, even if you're in those prime

[00:04:16] baby making years. To reduce your risk, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, weight and diet is the most

[00:04:23] important thing you can do. There's a great website that can help you with all of that.

[00:04:28] If you're having recurrent miscarriages, go see a medical professional. Just on these first

[00:04:33] two points, which are super depressing, sorry about that, please be aware that your

[00:04:37] friends may be trying to have children with no luck, so please try and avoid the classic

[00:04:43] why haven't you guys had kids yet? At social gatherings. We know you mean no harm by it,

[00:04:49] but it can make the couple feel a little awkward.

[00:04:53] 3. Pregnancy is long and messy. Not surprisingly, making a human inside of another human takes

[00:05:00] a huge toll on the body. Things start moving, not working, squirting, in things start to

[00:05:08] become out things and everything hurts.

[00:05:12] Nearing the end of my wife's first pregnancy, she gets super pregnant. She said to me,

[00:05:17] if anyone looked at my Google search history over the past eight months, they would think

[00:05:22] I was the most disgusting human ever. By the end, most women can't wait for it to be

[00:05:28] over. Be prepared to be uncomfortable, sick and cranky. Partners, be prepared to be

[00:05:34] more supportive and thick-skinned than you've ever been before.

[00:05:38] 4. The birthing process is also long and really messy. Don't expect it to be like the movies.

[00:05:46] Every birth and labor is different, but the whole process can take anywhere up to and over

[00:05:51] 24 hours. It can be messy, bloody, and extremely draining both physically and emotionally

[00:05:58] for all involved.

[00:06:00] The good news is, a lot of that has quickly forgotten once Baby arrives. Who will also

[00:06:04] be messy and gross looking? Think of this as like hitting your first checkpoint or

[00:06:09] safe point along the quest. You'll be glad for the breather.

[00:06:13] Newborns They're so beautiful. The hard parts over now.

[00:06:18] She looks just like you.

[00:06:20] Wrong. Wrong. And I sure hope not.

[00:06:24] 5. Newborns and infants are just messy. As mentioned, they're not the prettiest things

[00:06:31] when they first come out. People like to pretend they are but they are definitely not.

[00:06:37] Depending on the birth, a newborn can be bruised, have a misshaped head, and be covered

[00:06:42] in a gooey substance. This is all very normal, and they start to look almost human shortly.

[00:06:49] But it doesn't end there. New parents are often shocked at how messy babies are. Babies

[00:06:54] may be small, but they can poop and puke like nobody's business. Your stomach gains

[00:06:59] superpowers in the first few months. What you would never be able to handle before all

[00:07:04] just becomes part of the routine.

[00:07:07] 6. Everyone's an expert. You are a noob.

[00:07:12] Consider yourself warned on every topic. Be it feeding, sleeping, wrapping, carrying,

[00:07:19] playing, whatever. Everyone else, even those without kids, is an expert. And you don't

[00:07:26] know squat about your child or parenting. Even when you try to educate yourself a little

[00:07:31] bit, you will find contradictory evidence for every side of every argument no matter what

[00:07:37] topic you're looking into. My advice for what it's worth.

[00:07:42] Try a few things and figure out what best works for your family. As long as you're not

[00:07:46] doing your child or yourself any harm, this is usually the best way to go. Don't always

[00:07:52] trust the experts. This definitely does include me. I've worked with so many high-ranking

[00:07:57] child and parenting specialists who I would not trust my kids with for a second. Nobody

[00:08:03] knows your child better than yourself.

[00:08:06] 7. You may not love your child straight away. And that's totally okay. A lot of parents

[00:08:13] will talk about an instant and extreme bond with their newborn. And yes, this happens

[00:08:17] for a lot of parents. But for many others, there is a breaking-in period where you're not

[00:08:23] so sure about the little screaming alien looking thing and you surely can't be expected to

[00:08:28] love it, right? You know you're supposed to love them because it's the right thing to

[00:08:33] do as a parent but deep down, you know you don't. Does this make you a horrible person?

[00:08:40] Of course not. Think of having a newborn as the tutorial level. Side note, I hate tutorial

[00:08:46] levels. Driver on the PS1. Scard me for life. It's all new and different. And it's probably

[00:08:52] not showcasing the features that will make it your new favorite game. It takes the time

[00:08:56] and experience, struggling and fumbling your way through things for a lot of parents

[00:09:01] to start enjoying at all. And that is okay. Similarly, even as they grow there will be times

[00:09:07] where you actually dislike your children. They can be really mean and you will feel

[00:09:12] really guilty because of this. This too is okay and believe me, you are definitely not

[00:09:19] alone to be continued.

[00:09:26] You just listened to part one of the post titled, they don't tell you 12 things new parents

[00:09:33] need to know by Dan Schmidt with nerd fitness.com and I'll be back in just a minute with my commentary.

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[00:12:07] Thank you to Dan, part one in the books and a lot of great not warnings but tips so far.

[00:12:14] One that I really enjoyed was his note about all the contradictory information you're

[00:12:18] likely to find about child rearing. This is so important to keep in mind because especially

[00:12:24] at the beginning of the parenting journey, there is so much temptation or expectation to

[00:12:29] know all the answers. Frankly, we often worry if we don't. But like everything, it's important

[00:12:35] to balance these research-based efforts with the education you get from just doing, seeing

[00:12:41] what works for you and your child. And ultimately, coming to learn the intricacies

[00:12:45] of your child and how you want to approach parenthood. I definitely think one of the discoveries

[00:12:50] along the way is that fact that your child and how you raise them is entirely unique.

[00:12:55] And while you can take guidance from outside sources, what happens under your own roof

[00:12:59] isn't ever going to be entirely the same as what's going on for other families raising

[00:13:04] children. So I will leave it there for today as we get ready for part two tomorrow. Thank

[00:13:09] you for tuning in everyone and be sure to come back again tomorrow, like I said for the

[00:13:13] rest. That's where your optimal life awaits.