2126: 6 Ways to Raise Kinder Kids by Chris Libby with Live Happy on the Crucial Role of Parental Influence & Moral Authority

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your Podcast app. Now onto the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily Episode 2126. Six ways to raise kinder kids by Chris Libby with LiveHappy.com Hello everybody!

[00:00:30] Welcome back for another parenting episode of ORD with me, your host and narrator, Greg Audino. Just like yesterday and just like each Thursday and Friday, as I said I'll be sharing an article that covers the parenting journey specifically. And this one comes from LiveHappy, a site which covers a lot of great topics. Let's hear this one about how we can raise kinder children as we start optimizing your life.

[00:00:54] Six ways to raise kinder kids by Chris Libby with LiveHappy.com

[00:01:25] Kids who do respect their parents moral authority create a foundation for moral development later in life, Thomas says.

[00:01:49] It's difficult to teach kids anything if they don't listen to you, they don't obey you, they don't respect the fact that you are the mom and dad, and you have the right to expect obedience.

[00:02:01] Try these six tools Thomas recommends for raising kinder kids.

[00:02:07] Number one, develop a positive family culture. Creating a family mission statement gives your children a sense of belonging to something bigger than themselves. Thomas suggests sitting down together and discussing your family's core values and virtues.

[00:02:23] For example, the Smiths don't lie, cheat and steal. The David Sins are kind, gracious and don't hurt people or the Lannisters always pay their debts.

[00:02:34] Okay, maybe that last one is a bad example.

[00:02:37] Having a family charter sets a tone of how the family should behave and will give children more clarity in why and what the family believes.

[00:02:46] Number two, become a character coach. In order to raise a kind person you need to be a kind person.

[00:02:54] Model good behavior and teach them the responsibility to care for others. It's still good virtues such as kindness respect and self control.

[00:03:03] Thomas writes that the surest way to be happy is to make others happy. Good character also means not letting little infractions slide.

[00:03:12] Take the small stuff seriously Thomas says, if you don't correct a rudeness and tantrums for example in your six year old, you'll have a lot more trouble raining and swearing and dors slamming by your 16 year old.

[00:03:24] Number three, keep constant contact. The responsibility of raising children well falls on parent shoulders.

[00:03:33] Stay in touch by holding regular family meetings to discuss anything that may be exciting or troubling in their lives.

[00:03:40] Thomas suggests a technique he used in his own family called the back and forth questions.

[00:03:46] The key is to ask your child a question such as what was the best and worst part of your day encourage the child to reciprocate and ask you the same.

[00:03:56] After a while you and your child will develop the art of good conversation meaningful conversation enriches family life builds relationships and gives you a vehicle to transmit your deepest values.

[00:04:08] Thomas says without those conversational exchanges we really are on the sidelines of our children's character formation.

[00:04:17] Number four, reduce screens. Technology is great but not at the expense of a deteriorating family life.

[00:04:25] A sad statistic is that screens TVs phones tablets video games are drastically changing the amount of FaceTime families put in each day.

[00:04:36] When kids disappear into their own worlds parents know less about the goings on with their children's lives and problems like irritability and poor sleeping habits can emerge.

[00:04:46] Challenges grow as teens begin to seek validation from social media.

[00:04:51] Thomas suggests a four week electronic fast, a technique developed by child psychiatrist Victoria Duncley author of Reset Your Child's Brain.

[00:05:01] He admits the first few days may be rough but parents can start to notice real changes in their kids such as fewer tantrums and arguments.

[00:05:09] After four weeks slowly reintroduced devices allowing one hour of screen time per day.

[00:05:16] Number five, a little hard work never heard anyone.

[00:05:20] Our kids learn all their habits good and bad from what happens at home.

[00:05:26] Continuously trying to appease and not disappoint them can turn our kids into self-absorbed meanies.

[00:05:33] It undermines the family culture and can have adverse effects on the rest of the family.

[00:05:38] A good way to avoid these feelings of entitlement is to make the kids part of the household team.

[00:05:44] Thomas suggests giving them responsibilities and chores to do within their abilities and hold them accountable when they don't meet expectations.

[00:05:52] They should know the value of work and everyone within the household should contribute.

[00:05:57] And number six, make gratitude the right attitude.

[00:06:02] Constant complaining can be a drain on the family.

[00:06:06] It makes children unhappy and it certainly is no joy ride for the parents either.

[00:06:11] Teaching good gratitude practices such as using a gratitude journal or counting your blessings can shift your child's focus from what they have instead of what they don't have.

[00:06:22] If this is a part of everyday life in your household, for example, giving thanks for a meal and asking around the table what everyone is grateful for,

[00:06:30] then positive feelings will start to cultivate and the negatives will dissipate.

[00:06:35] Gratitude is an act of kindness and in gratitude is an act of unkindness.

[00:06:40] Thomas says, we should teach our children what gratitude means and why thankfulness is important.

[00:06:48] Gratitude is feeling and expressing thanks for the benefits we receive.

[00:06:53] Why does it matter? Because it makes us feel better.

[00:06:56] And counting your blessings is the secret of a happy life.

[00:07:04] You just listened to the post titled, Six Ways to Raise Kinder Kids by Chris Libby with LiveHappy.com

[00:07:11] and I'll be back with my comments in just a second.

[00:07:14] Now I am a big believer that if you want to be your best self in your relationships or in anything you do,

[00:07:20] you need to fuel yourself properly. And that's why I'm so happy to have this show sponsored by Factor.

[00:07:26] Factor is delicious, ready to eat meals make eating better every day easy.

[00:07:31] You'll have over 35 options a week to choose from including keto, calorie smart, vegan and veggie and more.

[00:07:39] And there's even more to enjoy with over 55 nutrition packed add-ons that help make your weekly meal planning even more delicious.

[00:07:46] Factor is the perfect solution if you're looking for fast, upscale and healthy options done easily.

[00:07:52] Now to mention it's flexible for your schedule. Get as much or as little as you need by choosing anywhere from 6-18 meals per week.

[00:08:00] Plus you can pause or reschedule your deliveries anytime with no hassle whatsoever if something changes.

[00:08:05] So head to factormeals.com slash optimal50 that's Optimal50 and use code Optimal50 to get 50% off.

[00:08:15] Picture a wardrobe upgrade with quality essentials at an unbeatable price.

[00:08:21] Quince has you covered with timeless pieces that never go out of style, you'll have them in your closet forever.

[00:08:27] Quince has all the must-haves like Mongolian cashmere crewneck sweaters from $50, iconic 100% leather jackets and versatile flow knit activewear.

[00:08:31] And all quince items are priced at $50,000 each.

[00:08:35] That's because by partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings onto us.

[00:08:41] And most importantly, Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices along with premium fabrics and finishes.

[00:08:47] And all Quince items are priced 50-80% less than similar brands.

[00:08:51] That's because by partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us.

[00:08:58] And that's because with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices along with premium fabrics and finishes.

[00:09:05] And as for me, I love Quince's versatility too. They have great home items as well as clothes and I've been really happy with the bedding that I bought from them.

[00:09:13] When you look at it and you feel the material, you can tell easily that it's of high quality.

[00:09:18] So indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quince.com slash ORD for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.

[00:09:27] That's q-u-i-n-c-e.

[00:09:31] .com slash ORD to get free shipping and 365 day returns.

[00:09:37] Quince.com slash ORD

[00:09:41] And a big thanks to Chris for this article today for his insights and those of Thomas LaCona as well.

[00:09:47] A lot of points here about instilling good values in kids. And I'm really glad the fourth bullet about screen time was mentioned.

[00:09:54] Normally we think of values as being something we're really in charge of as parents.

[00:09:59] You put a lot of pressure on ourselves to instill good values in our kids and that they should stray from these values, we let the blame all come down upon us.

[00:10:09] But values are shaped in many ways, aside from parental guidance.

[00:10:13] One of which is surely the media that kids are exposed to went on their phones.

[00:10:18] So in addition to taking some breaks from the phone as was suggested here, consider also sitting down with your kids,

[00:10:25] asking them to show you what they do on their phones or TV or whatever. And without judgment, ask them what they feel they get from it.

[00:10:34] Now this is not a time to scold or to spy but rather to learn about your kids and just give them a chance to explain how they perceive value

[00:10:42] in their screen usage. You might learn something and also gain some trust in the process too.

[00:10:49] But that's going to wrap us up for today parents. Thank you so much for coming and for making another episode possible.

[00:10:55] Enjoy your Friday if you're listening in real time and I'll talk to you again over the weekend where your optimal life awaits.