2128: 7 Things You Should Stop Apologizing For by Kalen Bruce of Freedom Sprout on How to Set Personal Boundaries

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily Episode 2128 7 Things You Should Stop Apologizing For by Kalen Bruce of Freedom Sprout.com

[00:00:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello everybody and welcome to another one of our Sunday bonus episodes. I'm Greg Audino

[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't know each week on Sunday we are two episodes, one is our normal award de format

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And in the other we actually share previous audio from another show in our network so you can see all that we have to offer

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And today's comes from our main show which follows the same format, but it's focused on overall personal development

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Called Optimal Living Daily

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: So with that here is Justin the narrator over there with his narration and his commentary as we optimize your life

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_01]: 7 Things You Should Stop Apologizing For by Kalen Bruce of Freedom Sprout.com

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_01]: We don't always mean it when we apologize sometimes it's just cultural, and natural

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_01]: My goal here is to release you from unnecessary guilt in your life. I'm guilty of this guilt as well

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_01]: We all do it, but we don't need to

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_01]: So let's go over some stuff we shouldn't be apologizing for

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Number one, Your House

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry my house is such a mess

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes I like to say now it's time for the obligatory apology for the condition my house is in when people come over

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_01]: It lines the mood and breaks the ice, but it also shows that I don't really feel the need to apologize for it

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_01]: We have five kids our house isn't always pristine your house is your house not your guess

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_01]: So there's no reason to apologize

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_01]: We all like to do the mandatory cleanup before people come over

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_01]: And then we wonder why our house isn't always in this cleaned up condition

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to be we should keep clean houses because it boosts our mood and we know where things are when we stay organized

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_01]: But if there are clothes on the couch or you forgot to wipe off the counters

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_01]: No apology is necessary

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Number two, Your car

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry my car is such a mess or sorry my car is older

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Seems like every time I get in someone's car they say sorry it's so messy

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_01]: First off, I don't care and nobody cares

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Second, it's almost never the disaster they seem to think it is

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of us practically live in our cars and if someone else's cars messier than yours

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_01]: There's no problem. They're still giving you a ride so that's something to be thankful for

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Of also notice a trend of people apologizing for having an older car

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_01]: A typically used this as a segue into a conversation about how most millionaires drive older cars

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_01]: They're typically two types of people when it comes to cars

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Those who understand cars keep a lot of people poor and those who are poor because of their car

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_01]: I applaud the first group yet these are the people who apologize

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_01]: There's no standard you have to live up to stop apologizing for the condition of your vehicle

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Number three, Your children

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry my kids are so hyper messy

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, etc

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: This is one of my favorites anytime you got a restaurant in your kids start being loud

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_01]: You may feel the need to apologize to those around you. That's your call, but the fact is kids are loud

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Not all the time, but often they are

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone knows kids can be loud messy, hyper and plenty of other things

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to apologize when your kids act like kids

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Of course they also shouldn't be running around acting like they own the place

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_01]: There's natural kid tendencies and then there's discipline

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Both are natural

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_01]: But if you're doing your part and your kids are acting like kids act

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_01]: No apology is necessary

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_01]: All the parents in the room understand and those without kids will get it soon enough

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Number four, Your thoughts

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry, but I just think

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_01]: If it needs to be said don't apologize

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_01]: If it's hurtful and doesn't need to be said don't say it

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_01]: There's really no time when you need to apologize for giving your thoughts if you only give input

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_01]: When it's helpful, man constructive

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Number five, Your ability

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry I can't afford to or sorry I can't keep up physically

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_01]: If you can't afford to do something someone is offering you that's the end of it no apology necessary

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_01]: You're simply being responsible by not doing it

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: If you can't keep up with someone in the gym or when you're out running

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_01]: That means you're in a different place physically than they are

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_01]: You're growing you're getting better

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Don't be sorry for that

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Number six, Your time

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry I can't make it

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_01]: We all like to say sorry I can't make it to your party or event etc

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_01]: If you can't make it to something you don't have to apologize for that

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Limiting commitments is a good thing

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: We probably all need to say no to more than we do

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_01]: If you can't attend something you don't need to reason other than the fact that you can't go

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_01]: There's no need to make up an excuse

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Roll limited on time and we all have the same amount of it

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_01]: People understand if they don't

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_01]: They may not be good for you anyway

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And number seven, yourself

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry I didn't hear you or sorry I am so blank

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_01]: If you didn't hear someone it's often not even your fault

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_01]: If you are a certain way it's also often not your fault

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you don't like large crowds or going out to the club with people

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is, you don't have to apologize for it. You're a prerogative

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_01]: If you don't want to do it, you don't have to that's the beauty of being an adult

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_01]: We all tend to say we are sorry more than necessary and more than we even mean it

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Words matter, we should use them intentionally

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_01]: That being said, it's not always healthy to use that's just the way I am to justify something that shouldn't be that way

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_01]: This is not an excuse for being irresponsible or lazy

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_01]: And I've heard this as an excuse for both often

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Quote

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_01]: The attitude of that's just how I am take it or leave it. It's still a sign of immaturity

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_01]: As an adult, it's your responsibility to figure out which of your traits are toxic and are negatively

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Impactful towards other people and the ones you love

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And eventually learn how to fix them at some point

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01]: We all gotta start making ourselves better individuals

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01]: If you truly believe you don't have to change anything about yourself even at the very least of the worst in you and that people would just have to deal with it

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Then sorry, you're still a child

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Mark Manson

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_01]: People will say sorry I'm late. I'm always late or I don't do this or that's the answer to the thing that they should do

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_01]: That's just how I am

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_01]: We justify too much by saying that's just how we are

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Don't let that be an excuse

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_01]: But if you're doing what you should be doing when you should be doing it

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_01]: There's no need to apologize

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: We could all apologize less and show more grace to others in these situations

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_01]: You just listen to the post titled

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Seven things you should stop apologizing for by Kaelan Bruce of freedomsprout.com

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_01]: If they could have calen

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Some of these are tough

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I tried to be polite so saying things like ah sorry. I won't be able to make it

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Sort of built in me. I get where he's coming from with that though

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_01]: I remember a post I narrated from James Clear way back in the day. That was episode 440

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Where he had a slightly different take

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, maybe don't say sorry

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_01]: But instead try replacing it try saying thank you instead

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Like if you're late to a meeting instead of saying sorry. I'm late

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Which is starting on a negative note you can say

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for your patience which is more positive

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_01]: If you want to justify why you could

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Or another example from this article instead of sorry. I can't make it you could say

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for the offer or thank you for the invite but I'm busy that day

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_01]: So I like that take if you have a chance to catch yourself saying sorry

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe see if a thank you would apply instead and then you're also making the other person feel appreciated

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully at the same time

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_01]: That should do it for today have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Where optimal life awaits