2133: Moms Without Value (Just a Mom) by Shawna Scafe of Simple on Purpose on Societal Approval

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[00:00:58] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2133.

[00:01:03] Moms Without Value. Just a Mom.

[00:01:06] By Sean Escafe of simpleonpurpose.ca

[00:01:10] Hello everybody and welcome back to another parenting episode here on ORD, which we do every Thursday and Friday.

[00:01:17] I'm your host Greg Audino. It's great to have you here with me once again.

[00:01:21] And this time you'll be happy to hear that I'm going to be sharing the work of Sean Escafe, who's writing we always enjoy. It's always very fun and educational at the same time.

[00:01:30] So without further ado, let's hear her thoughts on just how valuable moms are, whether or not they get credit for it as we optimize your life.

[00:01:43] Moms Without Value. Just a Mom. By Sean Escafe of simpleonpurpose.ca

[00:01:50] I just got off the phone with a BFF who doesn't yet have kids. She is one of the many who struggled with my decision to give up my career to raise my kids.

[00:02:00] Though this phone call wasn't the usual, hi how are ya, let's talk paint colors. It was more of, hey, I was just thinking society really doesn't value stay at home moms.

[00:02:13] In agreement, I sighed.

[00:02:16] Oh, so that's what everyone is passively saying when they ask me if I'm just a mom.

[00:02:21] Colleagues, family, friends and strangers have called me just a mom.

[00:02:27] It's a term that makes it socially acceptable to discreetly tear down the value of being a mother.

[00:02:33] Mommy wars, working moms, stay at home moms, the mode of mom has changed over the generations.

[00:02:42] For modern moms, there is little value put on being a stay at home mom. It's not enough. It's just...just a mom.

[00:02:51] But there is a poker hand of moms that society smiles at with an easy breath of acceptance.

[00:02:57] The moms our culture does value.

[00:03:00] New moms with cuddly babies.

[00:03:03] There is a window of time where society collectively coos at all moms toting a freshly swaddled babe.

[00:03:10] People offer this mom places in line, chairs and waiting rooms and carry her bags to her car.

[00:03:16] This beautiful woman just spent almost a year avoiding booze and sushi so she could grow and bring new life onto our planet.

[00:03:24] She has been initiated into parenthood and is not getting any sleep or warm meals.

[00:03:29] Let's give her all our smiles and unsolicited advice.

[00:03:33] Moms with successful full-time careers.

[00:03:36] This mom is determined to stick it out.

[00:03:39] She won't call it quits on the name she's made for herself and the career she's toiled at for years, long before she ever imagined being a mother.

[00:03:47] She is teaching her children that women can be pencil skirt wearing CEOs who do it all, succeed in the professional world and don't need to rely on anyone else for support.

[00:03:58] Mom preneurs.

[00:04:00] She doesn't just stay home and watch TLC all day.

[00:04:03] She's a self-starter, inventive and can still contribute financially to the family with her creative home-based labors of love.

[00:04:12] And moms going to school.

[00:04:14] This is the mom who is going to make something of herself.

[00:04:17] Her kids will see her dedication to higher education that will lead to a better career and life for her family.

[00:04:24] She's independent, driven and follows through.

[00:04:28] But then there is the folded hand that our culture fakes a smile at and changes the topic of conversation.

[00:04:35] The mom's our culture does not value.

[00:04:38] Stay at home moms.

[00:04:40] This mom doesn't do much other than meal plan, sweep floors, drink wine and blog.

[00:04:47] Or so I've heard.

[00:04:49] She has no career and sits around all day Instagramming the activities she does with her children while all employable skills she has honed become rusty and outdated.

[00:04:59] She likes being bored all day, doesn't work very hard and is dependent on others to make her way.

[00:05:05] This mom probably doesn't have much to offer a conversation that doesn't involve tantrum tales, poop or labor pains.

[00:05:13] Moms with at least one unruly kid aged toddler to preteen.

[00:05:18] That cute cuddly baby is now throwing a fit at the grocery store, flicking their spaghetti across the salad bar or screeching down the road on their skateboard.

[00:05:28] Everyone is asking where is their mother?

[00:05:31] While they scoff at this mom's lack of discipline and their kids lack of respect.

[00:05:36] Homeschooling moms.

[00:05:38] They're weird.

[00:05:40] I mean what's so wrong with public schools?

[00:05:42] We all went to public school and learned stuff real good.

[00:05:46] Their kids are weird too.

[00:05:48] With their lack of social skills and conventional education.

[00:05:51] How will they ever learn how to play dodgeball?

[00:05:54] Or play hot cross buns on the recorder?

[00:05:57] And moms who pick up their kids in the same PJs they drop them off in.

[00:06:02] All other cardigan scarf wrapped mothers wonder why she can't get her ish together.

[00:06:08] Mom has so over invested in her domestic duties and being mom that she neglects her personal life and full length mirrors.

[00:06:16] If you read my blog, you know it's my secret motivation to empower other moms to find their value.

[00:06:22] It is a very personal road to kick away the stones of hopelessness and chaos and repave with joy and passion.

[00:06:29] You have to know that you are valuable as a mother no matter how mundane it may feel.

[00:06:35] So what mom are you?

[00:06:37] Do you believe you are valuable as a mother?

[00:06:40] Who makes you feel valued?

[00:06:42] How can we make other moms feel valued too?

[00:06:49] You just listened to the post titled Moms Without Value.

[00:06:53] Just a mom by Sean Escafe of simpleonpurpose.ca

[00:06:58] and I'll be back with my comments right after this.

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[00:08:49] And on behalf of moms everywhere, thank you to Shauna for this post.

[00:08:54] Although this read had a lot of humor in it, as is typical for Shauna,

[00:08:57] and might have even left some moms feeling disempowered.

[00:09:01] I think the work Shauna is doing today is a bit further under the surface of her sarcasm.

[00:09:06] It's not just an article about what types of moms receive more societal recognition than others.

[00:09:12] It's also an opportunity for anyone reading, not just moms,

[00:09:16] to come to appreciate the unique struggle faced by every type of mom she described and more.

[00:09:22] And this is imperative, especially for moms who may have started to buy into the idea

[00:09:27] that what they have to do on a day-to-day basis somehow is not enough to earn respect.

[00:09:33] At all costs, we must avoid the idea that our recognition is aligned with our output.

[00:09:39] So I really appreciate that Shauna crafted an article to fight against that.

[00:09:44] So to the mothers out there, I hope you know that all of us here at OLDC and hear you,

[00:09:49] we know it's important work you do and we commend you for it,

[00:09:52] and we thank you very much for helping OLD to be part of your parenting journey, of course.

[00:09:56] Time to wrap up though everyone.

[00:09:58] So thank you again for tuning in, whether you are a parent or not,

[00:10:01] and I hope to see you again tomorrow for more parenting content,

[00:10:04] where your optimal life awaits.