2143: 9 Negative Thoughts that Push People Away from You by Marc Chernoff of Marc and Angel

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[00:01:01] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2143,

[00:01:05] 9 Negative Thoughts That Push People Away From You

[00:01:09] by Mark Schoernoff of Markandangel.com

[00:01:12] Hello everybody and thanks so much for tuning in today.

[00:01:16] I'm your host Greg Audino and in this episode we're going to explore Mark Schoernoff's work,

[00:01:21] which covers the thought patterns we might have that stand to erode our relationships,

[00:01:26] whether or not we realize it.

[00:01:28] Good and bad relationships alike start in the mind,

[00:01:31] so today we'll look at some common negative thoughts that interfere with our relationships

[00:01:36] and how we can reframe them into something healthier.

[00:01:39] So let's get to it as we optimize your life.

[00:01:45] 9 Negative Thoughts That Push People Away From You

[00:01:49] by Mark Schoernoff of Markandangel.com

[00:01:53] In our line of work, Angel and I hear from hundreds of coaching clients

[00:01:57] and students enrolled in our Getting Back to Happy course every month.

[00:02:02] Through this experience, we often see the same exact negative thinking patterns

[00:02:07] tearing otherwise healthy individuals apart

[00:02:10] and we've witnessed firsthand the devastation this negativity causes

[00:02:14] to their personal and professional growth and to their relationships.

[00:02:19] But let's be honest, we all get our minds stuck in the gutter sometimes.

[00:02:23] None of us are immune to the negative thoughts that creep up in the backs of our minds.

[00:02:28] However, that doesn't mean we have to succumb to them.

[00:02:32] Whether your negative thinking is a common occurrence or just a once-in-a-while phenomena,

[00:02:37] it's critical for your long-term happiness and success

[00:02:41] that you are able to recognize when you are thinking negatively

[00:02:44] and consciously shift your mindset from negative to positive.

[00:02:49] Here are nine of the most common negative thoughts we see people struggle with

[00:02:53] and some tips to get back on track.

[00:02:56] Number one, I need to be exactly who they want me to be.

[00:03:00] Life offers you a priceless opportunity in every single moment

[00:03:04] to see and experience who you really are.

[00:03:07] Seize it.

[00:03:09] Sometimes we get completely lost in trying to live life for others,

[00:03:13] trying to meet their expectations, doing things just to impress them.

[00:03:17] Take a moment now and stop yourself.

[00:03:20] Are you doing things because you truly believe in them?

[00:03:23] Remember your own needs and goals.

[00:03:26] Remember who you are.

[00:03:28] Live, do, and love so that you are happy to.

[00:03:32] Because when it comes down to it, you can't be true to others

[00:03:35] unless you are true to yourself first.

[00:03:38] Number two, I don't like them because they are different.

[00:03:42] Make a promise to yourself.

[00:03:44] Promise to stop the drama before it begins,

[00:03:47] to breathe deeply and peacefully,

[00:03:49] and to love others and yourself without conditions.

[00:03:52] Promise to laugh at your own mistakes

[00:03:55] and to realize that no one is perfect or all human.

[00:03:58] Feelings of self-worth can flourish only in an atmosphere

[00:04:02] where individual differences are appreciated,

[00:04:05] mistakes are tolerated, communication is open,

[00:04:09] and rules are flexible.

[00:04:11] Number three, they have it so much easier than me.

[00:04:15] No one has it easier than you.

[00:04:17] Every one of us is fighting our own private battles.

[00:04:20] The strongest among us aren't those who show strength we can see,

[00:04:24] but those who have won incredible inner battles we know nothing about.

[00:04:28] Assuming someone has it easier than you

[00:04:31] only builds a barrier between the two of you.

[00:04:34] Number four, I don't have enough or I am not enough to make a difference.

[00:04:39] Many of your greatest accomplishments in life

[00:04:42] will come when you are able to bless someone else

[00:04:44] while you are going through your own storm.

[00:04:46] So regardless of what's going on in your life,

[00:04:49] be gentle and kind.

[00:04:51] Think before you speak and act.

[00:04:53] Always remember that the words and actions you choose

[00:04:56] can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

[00:04:59] You are made to make a difference,

[00:05:01] so embrace every opportunity to do so.

[00:05:04] No act of your kindness, no matter how tiny,

[00:05:07] will ever be wasted.

[00:05:09] Number five, it's all their fault.

[00:05:12] If you sit around for too long,

[00:05:14] blaming others for the things they did or didn't do,

[00:05:17] or know or didn't know,

[00:05:19] you'll remain sitting in one spot until you pass.

[00:05:23] Placing blame is easy,

[00:05:25] because it means you don't have to do anything.

[00:05:27] You just have to sit around for your entire life.

[00:05:30] But that's not living, that's dying.

[00:05:33] To accept where you are without blame

[00:05:35] by seizing the present for what it is,

[00:05:38] for the opportunities it's giving you every instant,

[00:05:41] that's what injects life into your story,

[00:05:44] into your relationships,

[00:05:46] and ultimately moves you forward.

[00:05:48] Number six, I will never forgive them.

[00:05:51] We often keep our hearts closed.

[00:05:54] Not because we don't trust others not to leave us,

[00:05:57] let us down or stop loving us,

[00:05:59] but because we don't trust ourselves to survive

[00:06:01] the pain of them leaving,

[00:06:03] letting us down or not loving us anymore.

[00:06:06] How ironic, considering that only by suffering

[00:06:09] through these very losses,

[00:06:11] do we come to realize our true strength.

[00:06:13] Truth be told, it takes a strong heart to love,

[00:06:17] but it takes an even stronger heart

[00:06:19] to continue to love after it's been hurt.

[00:06:22] If someone hurts you, betrays you

[00:06:24] or breaks your heart, forgive them,

[00:06:27] for they have helped you learn about trust

[00:06:29] and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart.

[00:06:32] You are stronger now and better equipped

[00:06:35] to find the kind of love you deserve.

[00:06:37] Bottom line, don't let the wrong people from your past

[00:06:41] keep you from the right people in your present.

[00:06:44] Forgive and move forward.

[00:06:46] Number seven, I'm way too busy

[00:06:49] for family and friends right now.

[00:06:51] The people you take for granted today

[00:06:53] may be the only ones you need tomorrow.

[00:06:56] Never be too busy to make time for those who matter most

[00:06:59] because sooner or later, you just want to be around

[00:07:02] those special people who make you smile.

[00:07:04] So today, make time for those who help you love yourself more.

[00:07:08] Schedule them into your busy day.

[00:07:10] They're worth it.

[00:07:12] Number eight, it's okay to stretch the truth sometimes.

[00:07:16] No, it really isn't.

[00:07:18] In fact, it's disheartening to think

[00:07:20] how many people are shocked by honesty

[00:07:22] and how few by deceit.

[00:07:24] Don't be one of them.

[00:07:26] Uphold the truth always.

[00:07:28] Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often

[00:07:31] and you should be the one shocking them

[00:07:33] with honest words and deeds every day.

[00:07:35] The bottom line here is that an honest, loving heart

[00:07:39] is the beginning of everything that is right with this world.

[00:07:42] It's what brings us together

[00:07:44] and keeps us together through thick and thin.

[00:07:46] And number nine, my mistakes today

[00:07:49] prove that I am a failure.

[00:07:51] This mindset will drive you

[00:07:53] and everyone around you crazy.

[00:07:55] Finish each day and be done with it.

[00:07:58] You've done the best you could.

[00:08:00] Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt, crept in.

[00:08:03] Forgive and forget them as soon as you can.

[00:08:06] Remember, your failure does not define you.

[00:08:10] Your determination does.

[00:08:12] Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again,

[00:08:15] smarter than before.

[00:08:17] Tomorrow is a new day.

[00:08:19] You shall begin it peacefully and with too high a spirit

[00:08:22] to be encumbered with old nonsense.

[00:08:25] Your turn.

[00:08:26] If you can relate to any of these negative thoughts,

[00:08:29] remember, you are not alone.

[00:08:31] We all have negativity buried deep within us

[00:08:34] that has the potential to sneak up on us sometimes.

[00:08:37] The key, of course, is awareness.

[00:08:40] Recognizing these negative thoughts when they arise

[00:08:43] and stopping them in their tracks.

[00:08:45] So what negative thoughts sometimes sneak up on you?

[00:08:48] How has your negativity pushed people away from you?

[00:08:51] How have you coped?

[00:08:57] You just listened to the post titled

[00:08:59] 9 Negative Thoughts That Push People Away From You

[00:09:02] by Mark Schurnoff of markandangel.com

[00:09:05] and be sure to stick around for my comments in just a minute.

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[00:10:51] However, I think we could pair number five.

[00:10:54] It's all their fault with its opposite statement.

[00:10:57] It's all my fault.

[00:10:59] And I think we could do that with a lot of his points,

[00:11:01] but I'll focus on this one.

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[00:11:08] He's a great company.

[00:11:10] I know he has a lot of his points,

[00:11:12] but I'll focus on this one.

[00:11:14] Just as placing blame on others

[00:11:16] prevents you from feeling as though

[00:11:18] you have to do something,

[00:11:20] placing all the blame on oneself,

[00:11:22] which is only slightly less common

[00:11:24] but can be just as destructive,

[00:11:26] can paralyze you all the same.

[00:11:28] When we do this,

[00:11:30] it's not always easy

[00:11:32] to take accountability and make amends.

[00:11:34] Rather, we can fall into patterns of self-hatred,

[00:11:36] which often make us withdraw

[00:11:38] to acknowledge that there is always a gray area to be found, and to forcibly place blame all on

[00:11:44] one side most certainly shows a lack of compassion or awareness somewhere in the equation.

[00:11:51] Look for the gray area. Look for how one party who seems more to blame might not have had the

[00:11:58] resources or support they needed somewhere along the lines. Reflect on that and then act.

[00:12:04] But that'll do it for today everybody. Thank you so much for showing up on a Saturday when I know

[00:12:09] there are a lot of fun things you could be getting up to. Enjoy the rest of your day,

[00:12:12] and I hope you'll join us again tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.