2151: Why Are There No Attractive Men in Your Area? by Evan Marc Katz on Dating Market Value & Attraction

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[00:00:59] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2151.

[00:01:03] Why Are There No Attractive Men In Your Area?

[00:01:06] By Evan Mark Katz of evanmarkkats.com.

[00:01:10] Hello everybody and welcome back to ORD.

[00:01:13] I'm Greg Audino, really thankful that you've decided to join this weekend.

[00:01:17] And what do you say we keep this intro nice and short and get right to the post from

[00:01:20] Evan today as we optimize your life?

[00:01:27] Why Are There No Attractive Men In Your Area?

[00:01:30] By Evan Mark Katz of evanmarkkats.com.

[00:01:35] We've spent some time talking about dating market value.

[00:01:38] The conversation tends to ruffle feathers for a number of reasons, but mostly because we

[00:01:43] don't like what the data reveals, even though the data reveals something that any honest

[00:01:48] observer would be able to point out without any data.

[00:01:52] Men find 20-year-old women most attractive.

[00:01:55] Women think 80% of men are unattractive.

[00:01:59] That brings us to a particular article in Quillette, one of my recent go-to reads entitled,

[00:02:05] Attraction Inequality and the Dating Economy.

[00:02:09] The piece is too long by half and devolves into some Evo-psych stuff by the very end.

[00:02:15] But the first part verifies what I see every day.

[00:02:18] Men complain that most women find them unattractive, and women complain that

[00:02:23] no men are attractive.

[00:02:25] Yet somehow, many women want to deny this.

[00:02:29] It's a bad look to reject 80% of men out of hand.

[00:02:32] So there's always a lot of rationalization and what-aboutism.

[00:02:36] I've been rejected by men, too.

[00:02:39] You haven't seen all the guys I've gone out with.

[00:02:41] I give a chance to all sorts of men.

[00:02:44] But most men are unattractive.

[00:02:46] I can't force myself to like a guy.

[00:02:48] No, you can't.

[00:02:50] But if you want to know why you hear a lot of angry men, this is why.

[00:02:56] Men think 80% of them are physically repulsive, and another 80% of them aren't smart enough

[00:03:01] and don't make enough money, which leaves a small dating pool for women.

[00:03:06] Maybe we can agree on this.

[00:03:09] Women in general are objectively more attractive than men.

[00:03:13] Either way, the article introduces the Gini Coefficient.

[00:03:17] Quote, The Gini Coefficient is a number between zero and one that represents the

[00:03:22] degree of income inequality in any given nation or group.

[00:03:26] In a Gallitarian group, in which each individual has the same income, would have a Gini Coefficient

[00:03:31] of zero.

[00:03:33] While an unequal group, in which one individual had all the income and the rest had none,

[00:03:38] would have a Gini Coefficient close to one.

[00:03:42] Some enterprising data nerds have taken on the challenge of estimating Gini Coefficients

[00:03:46] for the dating economy.

[00:03:48] Among straight people, this actually means calculating two Gini Coefficients, one for men and one for

[00:03:54] women.

[00:03:56] If women all find every man equally attractive, the male dating economy will have a Gini

[00:04:01] Coefficient of zero.

[00:04:03] If men all find the same one woman attractive and consider all other women unattractive,

[00:04:08] the female dating economy will have a Gini Coefficient close to one.

[00:04:13] But while the situation for women is something like an economy with some poor, some middle

[00:04:18] class and some millionaires, the situation for men is closer to a world with a small

[00:04:23] number of super-billionaires surrounded by huge masses who possess almost nothing.

[00:04:29] According to a hinge analyst, on a list of 149 countries' Gini Indices provided by

[00:04:36] the CIA World Factbook, this would place the female dating economy as 75th most unequal

[00:04:42] – average think Western Europe.

[00:04:46] And the male dating economy as the eighth most unequal – Peptocracy, Apartheid, Perpetual

[00:04:52] Civil War, think South Africa.

[00:04:55] Courts reported on this finding and also cited another article about an experiment with

[00:05:00] Tinder that claimed that the bottom 80% of men, in terms of attractiveness, are competing

[00:05:06] for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top

[00:05:12] 20% of men.

[00:05:14] These studies examined likes and swipes on hinge and Tinder, respectively, which are required

[00:05:19] if there is to be any contact via messages between prospective matches.

[00:05:25] Tinder's Gini Coefficient is 0.58, meaning it has higher inequality than 95% of the world's

[00:05:32] national economies.

[00:05:34] And quote,

[00:05:35] That sounds about right to me.

[00:05:37] Men swipe right on everyone remotely attractive just to see who replies.

[00:05:42] Men are far more selective, swiping back on less than 30% of men and wondering where all

[00:05:47] the men are.

[00:05:48] I don't blame them.

[00:05:50] And neither does the author.

[00:05:52] Quote,

[00:05:53] There are no villains in this story.

[00:05:55] Nobody can or should be blamed for his or her honest preferences.

[00:05:59] And if women collectively believe that most men are unattractive, what grounds does

[00:06:04] anyone – male or female – have to argue with them.

[00:06:07] We may pity the large majority of men who are regarded as unattractive and

[00:06:11] who have few or no romantic experiences, while a small percentage of attractive men have many.

[00:06:18] Just as much, consider that we live in a monogamous culture and so the 20% of men who are regarded

[00:06:24] as attractive can only be in committed relationships with at most 20% of women.

[00:06:30] End quote.

[00:06:31] And that, my friends, is how I've had a job for 16 years.

[00:06:36] My clients want to date the top 20%, and it's my job to help them find him,

[00:06:41] and maybe even expand her search into, say, the top 30%.

[00:06:49] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:51] Why Are There No Attractive Men In Your Area?

[00:06:54] By Evan Mark Katz of evanmarkkatz.com

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[00:07:52] Okay, and thanks to Evan for sharing this post,

[00:07:55] one that could indeed be pretty divisive as he suggests.

[00:07:58] And whether or not you buy into what he said or what the article he featured has said,

[00:08:03] remember that there are always exceptions.

[00:08:06] And oftentimes it's when we forget this that we are most apt to falling victim to negative thinking.

[00:08:12] If you're a man who thinks you're hopeless if you're not in the top 20% of attractiveness,

[00:08:16] or a woman who thinks you're hopeless as soon as you age out of your 20s,

[00:08:20] giving way to these generalizations is not going to help you at all for a myriad of reasons.

[00:08:27] Your frustrations can pile up, leading to issues with self-confidence,

[00:08:31] preconceived notions about what people in the dating pool are about or are looking for,

[00:08:36] perhaps even deciding to play by the same rules if you will

[00:08:41] and leaving your values behind as if this would somehow help you get revenge

[00:08:45] or like level the playing field in a healthy way.

[00:08:49] We often go to generalizations because we feel as though they're realistic,

[00:08:53] but relying too heavily on them only limits our open-mindedness and therefore our potential.

[00:08:59] This is the case in dating or anywhere in life really.

[00:09:03] So it's something to keep in mind folks as we come to the end of another episode of ORD.

[00:09:08] Thank you as always for tuning in and making it possible.

[00:09:11] Thank you for listening all the way through to the end,

[00:09:13] and I hope to see you again tomorrow for more content.

[00:09:16] That's where your optimal life awaits.