2156: How to Know If He’s Marriage Material, or It’s Time to Cut Your Losses by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Love in 90 Days

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like

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[00:00:17] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2156. How to know if he's marriage material

[00:00:24] or it's time to cut your losses by Dr. Diana Kirschner of LoveIn90Days.com.

[00:00:31] Hello everybody and welcome back for another installment of ORD brought to you by me,

[00:00:36] your host and narrator Greg Audino. Today we have a post from Dr. Diana Kirschner on deck

[00:00:42] offering some research that has been found on what attributes might determine whether or not a man is

[00:00:48] quote-unquote marriage material. I think there's a lot of interesting discussion

[00:00:52] that could be bred from this one which I'll expand upon in my comments at the end.

[00:00:56] But first let's hear the article and optimize your life. How to know if he's marriage material

[00:01:06] or it's time to cut your losses by Dr. Diana Kirschner of LoveIn90Days.com.

[00:01:13] Is he marriage material or is it time to move on? If marriage or committed lasting love is

[00:01:19] your future vision for yourself, the question of marriage material is of key importance

[00:01:25] whether you are between matches or suffering in limbo with someone who seems to be waffling

[00:01:30] about commitment. Listen on, because I want to share the most important tips that are critical

[00:01:35] to know for your future happiness. You don't want to choose or waste loads of time with a guy

[00:01:40] who talks a great game initially but gets frightened, uptight, tense, withdrawn or even

[00:01:48] disappears when it comes time for a loving commitment. There are excellent research

[00:01:53] studies that show which guys will step up and be your forever love. And we have seen that this is

[00:01:58] the case in our work with thousands of women all over the globe. There are three strong signs

[00:02:03] based on research by Rutgers University and the National Marriage Project. Marriage material guys

[00:02:10] were more likely to, 1. Have grown up with both biological parents. They did not live through

[00:02:16] the ravages of a family torn apart by divorce. 2. Go to church or synagogue regularly. They have

[00:02:24] a strong spiritual or religious side and tend to operate with this as a basis for their lives.

[00:02:29] And 3. Agree with the statement, you'd be ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along.

[00:02:36] They feel ready to commit to the right woman now. There are no vague statements about needing

[00:02:41] to wait for this, that and the other thing to happen before you can commit. In other words,

[00:02:46] in this study, the marriage material guys had traditional backgrounds with good role models.

[00:02:52] Also they tended to be more religious and more ready for marriage.

[00:02:56] Here are four more signs that a guy is marriage material. If age appropriate, your guy wants

[00:03:02] children. This is a strong factor that leads a guy into settling down. Your potential guy

[00:03:07] believes that married people have better intimate lives than singles, which is true according to

[00:03:12] research by the way. He believes in the value of marriage and he worries less about the risks

[00:03:18] of divorce or separation than guys who are not marriage material. Mind you, we are focusing

[00:03:24] in on marriage in these tips. But the same kind of themes apply to guys who want committed

[00:03:28] lasting love without marriage. Perhaps you are a bit older and simply want a live-in love.

[00:03:34] That's also included in how I use the term marriage material.

[00:03:38] The case of Jenny. We've helped so many women in our coaching program to find marriage

[00:03:43] material guys. Wonderful men who wanted the kind of lasting passionate love that makes your heart

[00:03:48] sore. Here's one example. Jenny was a gorgeous 39 year old marketing consultant who really

[00:03:55] wanted children. She was in an on again off again relationship with Terry, a super great

[00:04:01] looking lanky lawyer for three years. Terry was not marriage material. He was very clever and

[00:04:08] alluring to Jenny, but put her off with his career needs whenever she mentioned marriage or children.

[00:04:14] It was always when I get to the right firm, when I make partner, when I make more money,

[00:04:19] we can think about it. You get the picture. Jenny would then break up with Terry and in

[00:04:25] their dance he would promise to do better and win her back only to disappoint her once more.

[00:04:31] So Jenny decided to enter coaching, but in a depressed and hopeless state. Her coach asked

[00:04:37] her how committed she was to a future with children and a happy family life.

[00:04:41] Jenny practiced some powerful envisioning exercises. Soon she realized that this vision

[00:04:47] was central to her future happiness. With her coaches daily support via email and text,

[00:04:53] Jenny took the plunge of truly breaking up with Terry. She started dating other guys.

[00:04:58] Almost immediately, she met a great one on Tinder who really wanted marriage and kids.

[00:05:03] Turns out his parents had never divorced. In fact, he was a churchgoer and he was ready.

[00:05:09] The rest is history. In fact, they had a glorious wedding at the beach and she is now pregnant

[00:05:14] with twins. Just like Jenny, you deserve lasting committed passionate love. Marriage material

[00:05:21] or not marriage material. According to research studies, men who are not marriage material

[00:05:27] were more likely to distrust women who tell the truth about prior relationships,

[00:05:33] worry more about the risks of divorce. Say they did not want children,

[00:05:38] believed that singles have better intimate lives than marids, agree to there are so many

[00:05:44] bad marriages today it makes one question the value of marriage. Say that at this stage

[00:05:50] of life they just wanted to have fun and express the concern that if you marry your biggest

[00:05:55] concern would be losing your personal freedom. In some, look for a guy who admires his friends

[00:06:02] and family members who are married or in a committed lasting love relationship. And maybe he even

[00:06:07] expresses a little jealousy about their relationships. Someone who is more religious or spiritual,

[00:06:13] who looks at marriage and lasting love as a good thing. This is a guy who is marriage

[00:06:17] material or ready for lasting live in love. Of course there are guys who don't fit this

[00:06:23] profile who still make great spouses or committed partners. But if marriage or committed lasting

[00:06:29] love is your goal, these clues can help you be discerning and not waste a lot of time on the

[00:06:34] wrong guys. You just listened to the post titled, How to know if he's marriage material

[00:06:44] or it's time to cut your losses by Dr. Diana Kirschner of lovein90days.com

[00:06:50] and I'll be back with my comments in just a sec. And a big thanks to Diana for this post.

[00:06:56] It's a really interesting one and to be honest, I'm not normally very on board with posts like this

[00:07:02] that seem to have lists of these sort of black and white qualifications for relationships.

[00:07:09] So I am really glad that she ended the article reminding us of exceptions to what she talked

[00:07:13] about prior. But one interesting thing I noticed and is worth paying attention to,

[00:07:18] none of the bullet points she put forth today had anything to do with

[00:07:22] action as opposed to just talking. I mean, I guess the difference would be the idea that men who have

[00:07:27] some sort of spiritual practice or more marriage material, even that one seemed a bit odd to me,

[00:07:32] but still it doesn't reference action that these men take within the relationship and

[00:07:37] that's what I'm getting at. And I think one of the best recurring themes we hear in a lot

[00:07:41] of our articles on this show is the importance of what work we put in with our partners.

[00:07:48] So take what you will from this article, but in addition to what men might say that could

[00:07:54] indicate whether or not they'd be good partners as has been documented today,

[00:07:58] look also to their actions. Do they follow through? Do they offer compassion and support?

[00:08:05] Do they listen? Do they communicate? Do they try to split duties around the house?

[00:08:10] Do they encourage you to have a good relationships with your family and friends?

[00:08:15] Do they champion your individuality? Right, so to me these questions and more really seem worth

[00:08:20] emphasizing. But that's it for me in my two cents. It's time to get out of here for today everyone.

[00:08:26] I thank you so much for being here and for doing right by your relationships today.

[00:08:30] And be sure to stop in again tomorrow for more ORD where your optimal life awaits.