2160: You Will Always Regret Sacrificing Love For Money by Sam of Financial Samurai on Personal Finances & Marriage

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2160. You Will Always Regret Sacrificing Love For Money by Sam of FinancialSamurai.com. Hello everybody and thanks a lot for joining another Sunday bonus episode here on ORD, hosted by me, Greg Audino. However, I am not the narrator

[00:00:20] in these ones like usual. No, in these episodes we actually share previously aired audio from other shows in our network, so you can see all that we have to offer. And ideally it's nice when

[00:00:30] relationships are still a big part of these other episodes and that is the case today as this edition of Optimal Finance Daily covers why we shouldn't sacrifice love for money. So let's hear

[00:00:40] Diana, our OFD host with the post as we optimize your life. You Will Always Regret Sacrificing Love For Money by Sam of FinancialSamurai.com. Money is great, money provides freedom, but you will always regret sacrificing love for money. When you get older, you'll realize how

[00:01:06] true this statement really is if you haven't found someone. Here's a story from my friend about her regrets sacrificing love for money and career. You will always regret sacrificing love for money. My old boss, let's call her Lena, who is now my friend, invited me to her house

[00:01:24] party. It wasn't her house, but her new boyfriend's house. I was thrilled for her because at 54 she had gone most of her post-college life without a steady boyfriend. She graduated with honors from Columbia University and then received her MBA from Dartmouth. For the next 30 years, she

[00:01:44] worked 60 hours a week to climb the ranks at Goldman Sachs, Deutsche Bank, and then Morgan Stanley. In 2002, at age 37, she made managing director and continues to be a big wig on Wall Street today. I wouldn't be surprised if she regularly clears at least $1.5 million a year.

[00:02:05] When I first met Lena, she was the most focused and intense woman I had ever met. Even after going through 50-plus interviews with various people on the floor and interviewing with her twice, she still wanted to interview me one last time over coffee. She was meticulous.

[00:02:24] She also correctly suspected I was a misfit who might not fit the firm's culture. Although she grilled me like a Wagyu burger, we became friends. I think our Chinese heritage helped us connect.

[00:02:37] She would tell me about her ski trips to Whistler or to the Swiss Alps where she randomly met some guy. She always beamed with joy when she'd talk about her encounters. She'd shed her image of a hard-charging vice president and seemed like a schoolgirl falling

[00:02:54] in love for the first time. After one trip, I remember her telling me she met a Tunisian gentleman who I immediately started referring to as the Tasmanian, an ode to the Tasmanian devil who had swept her off her feet. Unfortunately, that relationship lasted only six months because

[00:03:12] it was too hard to maintain a long-distance relationship. Finally found someone to love. When I caught up with Lena at her new boyfriend's house party, she told me she was finally incredibly

[00:03:23] happy. I asked her if she could rewind time back to when we first met in 1999, what would she do differently? She responded, I would have absolutely focused as hard on my love life as I

[00:03:36] did on my career. I was so focused on making managing director as a female person of color that I overly sacrificed my personal life. Once I made managing director, I felt like I had to work

[00:03:49] even harder to prove my worth. As you know, the higher you go in finance, the more at risk you are of being cut. Lena went on, I have all the money I'll ever need, but for about 20 years,

[00:04:01] I didn't have anybody to share it with. It felt pointless working so much. Yes, I was able to spoil my mother by taking her out to the nicest restaurants and bring her on amazing vacations,

[00:04:13] but it's different, you know? I would be willing to give up all of my wealth just to have found someone like my current boyfriend 20 years ago. I told Lena that I empathize with her situation. I too was overly focused on my career in my twenties and early thirties.

[00:04:30] I was so focused on getting promoted that I sacrificed my happiness and health. At least with Lena, she made managing director. Because of my focus on career, I didn't propose to my girlfriend until 10 years after I met her. I couldn't propose without feeling like I was on

[00:04:47] the right career path. And because I proposed so late, we only had our first child in 2017, 19 years after our first meeting. I went from one extreme of working intense hours for 13 years to another extreme of leaving work behind so young. Having a more balanced work and love life

[00:05:06] probably would have been better. The different types of love. Love is complicated because there's so many different types of love. The first type of love is the love you feel for your parents and

[00:05:18] siblings. This is a default love because you guys are forced together. Some of us develop incredibly tight relationships with our parents and siblings. Some of us, unfortunately, do not. The second type

[00:05:31] of love is the love you feel for your friends. You love hanging out with them. You sometimes tease them because you care. You wish them all the success in the world because you love them.

[00:05:41] The third type of love is the love you feel for your first boyfriend or girlfriend. Some might call it lust. This type of love is thrilling and sometimes addicting. We all know

[00:05:51] people who have fallen in love with falling in love. The fourth type of love is an extremely deep love once you found your soulmate. This is the person you share all your secrets with at

[00:06:01] pillow time. You not only trust this person with your life, but you're also willing to sacrifice yourself for him or her. The fifth type of love is the joyous love you have for your children.

[00:06:12] Your children give you more pride than anything else in the world. Your children motivate you to become a better person. Children bring about a love you never knew existed. The final type of love is spiritual love. It's an undefined love in something more powerful that provides hope,

[00:06:28] purpose and comfort. With at least six different types of love, it makes absolute sense to focus an equal amount of time on love as we do on our careers and our pursuit of wealth. Yes,

[00:06:41] there is also a love for money and status. But if we focus too much on career and money, we become unbalanced. We start feeling empty because we start wondering what is the point of working so much. I realize this, yet I'm finding it difficult to stop building more

[00:06:58] wealth to provide for my family. We have enough, but I desire more for greater security. I wonder if wanting to provide is just an inherent part of every parent's DNA. Sometimes you'll waste your time. Everlasting love is not guaranteed. It takes constant work

[00:07:16] because we tend to take the people we love for granted. We'll also sometimes make a mistake and end up in a terrible relationship, but the search is worth it. Just because you're alone now doesn't mean you'll be alone forever. Like anything worth doing, you've got to put in

[00:07:32] the effort. You can't just expect love to serendipitously find you. It's worth guarding against a lonely existence. As I come to the end of this post, I realize I need to spend more time improving my relationships with my mother, my sister, a couple of friends, and with myself.

[00:07:49] Over the past 10 years, I've spent way too much time focusing on building wealth for my family and my readers. It's time to make an adjustment. My biggest struggle today is being satisfied

[00:08:00] with enough. I need to find a way to better appreciate the life I currently live, but I do know one thing. I would absolutely trade all of my wealth to have my family. You just listened to

[00:08:15] the post titled, You Will Always Regret Sacrificing Love for Money by Sam of FinancialSamurai.com. This article made me think of a great Facebook group called Singles in the Pursuit of Financial Independence. While I'm not single, I joined this group because I included a speed dating

[00:08:33] session as part of the economy conference earlier this month. This activity was getting some discussion in the group, so I joined to answer questions and encourage people to participate. But I have to tell you, I'm really enjoying the thoughtfulness and great discussions I'm

[00:08:48] seeing in this Facebook group. So I've been chiming in with additional thoughts around love and money. One group member mentioned they had met someone they really connected with. It felt like a once in a lifetime connection, and he was totally infatuated with this woman.

[00:09:04] But she didn't care much about personal finance, and he was hesitant to allow himself to continue to fall for her because he worried she wouldn't make a good life partner. This seemed a bit silly

[00:09:16] to me for a few reasons. Firstly, it's a rare thing to experience fireworks with another person. So when it comes along, I think it's a good idea to savor it. Many people are in our lives for a

[00:09:30] season and ultimately will not stand the test of time. So I think it's best to remember that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Infatuation with another human

[00:09:42] is an incredible life experience, something no amount of money can buy. You can still enjoy it without it having to lead to marriage or a lifelong partnership. And secondly, he was definitely

[00:09:54] putting the cart before the horse and trying to solve for a problem that didn't exist. This was a new relationship. They weren't making plans at this point for a serious commitment. So to cut it short

[00:10:06] over a mismatch on financial goals felt premature to me. Money is an incredible tool that we can use to build a rich life experience. But if we don't have our priorities straight, we might unintentionally

[00:10:20] use it to build a wall around our heart. And that should do it for today. Have a happy rest of your day and I'll see you on the Thursday show tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.