2163: [Part 1] The Single Most Important Factor in Leading a Happy, Fulfilling Life–According to Science by Jay Harrington with Becoming Minimalist

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[00:00:59] This is optimal relationships daily episode 21 63

[00:01:03] The single most important factor in leading a happy fulfilling life according to science part 1

[00:01:10] By Jay Harrington with becoming minimalist comm

[00:01:14] Hello everybody, I'm Greg Audino and welcome back to a wordy this time for a longer post that we will begin today

[00:01:21] And finish tomorrow it comes from Jay Harrington whose name you might recognize from his site life and whim

[00:01:27] But this is a guest post for another wonderful site that we read from a lot called becoming minimalist

[00:01:32] Both are worth checking out, but for now let's hear the beginning of this article as we optimize your life

[00:01:38] The single most important factor in leading a happy fulfilling life according to science part 1

[00:01:49] By Jay Harrington with becoming minimalist comm

[00:01:52] Working out at the gym got a lot easier the day. I realized the sweat served a higher purpose

[00:01:59] I'm 43 and have three kids under eight years old

[00:02:03] So if I want to be around healthy and active for my grandkids, I better put the work in now or face regret later

[00:02:11] Activities that aren't inherently joyful like clocking time on a treadmill get better when done in service of something bigger

[00:02:19] The same can be said of cleaning out one's closet

[00:02:22] Satisfying yes, but the buzz is too fleeting to be self-sustaining

[00:02:27] It's only when decluttering is reframed as a piece of a larger more significant puzzle that it sticks

[00:02:34] Without a bigger picture in mind our actions are often dictated by what's more pleasurable in the moment

[00:02:41] Rather than what's better in the long term

[00:02:44] In the moment the consequences of most choices are insignificant

[00:02:48] It makes little difference on a particular day if you opt to stay on the couch rather than hitting the gym

[00:02:54] But over the course of a year the negative results from this repeated decision will compound an

[00:03:01] Intentional life is one marked by long-term thinking that leads to beneficial short-term decision-making

[00:03:07] First decide what you want

[00:03:09] Then decide every day in ways big and small how to get there

[00:03:14] Have the ends in mind and the means will become clear

[00:03:18] Determining the ends however is not always easy

[00:03:22] What makes Netflix so appealing the quantity of programming also makes it hard to decide what show to watch

[00:03:29] The same quandary applies to life, but the stakes are obviously far greater

[00:03:34] There are countless ways to live

[00:03:36] values to prioritize and

[00:03:39] Experiences to optimize for

[00:03:41] However, because there's no clear path to follow despite the abundance of options

[00:03:46] It's easy to bounce aimlessly through life like a tumbleweed

[00:03:50] One of the best ways to live a fulfilling intentional life and direct one's actions toward a beneficial end is to adopt an ism operating system

[00:03:59] Some isms such as materialism and consumerism have proven to be harmful and should be avoided

[00:04:06] Others such as minimalism lead to smart decision-making

[00:04:10] contentment and happiness

[00:04:12] Years ago when I first stumbled across the notion of minimalism

[00:04:16] I bought into the idea that a life with less could lead to more

[00:04:20] Like many I began my journey by eliminating the low-hanging fruit of plentiful and obvious excesses from my life

[00:04:27] Over time despite how satisfying purging could be I came to realize that minimalism is not an end in itself

[00:04:36] The process of decluttering detaching and deemphasizing materialism is simply a step on the road towards something more significant

[00:04:46] Minimalism is a mechanism to create space and time for what really matters

[00:04:51] the real secret to happiness for

[00:04:54] Thousands of years people have grappled with the big question of what really matters

[00:04:59] What among the many alternative ways we can choose to spend our finite time will bring us happiness?

[00:05:07] Recently another batch of smart people have attempted to answer these eternal questions and their conclusion

[00:05:13] reinforces something that most of us into it

[00:05:16] According to Harvard's grant and glook study which tracked more than 700 participants over the course of 75 years

[00:05:23] The key to long-term happiness and fulfillment comes down to a single factor the quality of our relationships

[00:05:30] The root of happiness is not money fame or good looks

[00:05:35] It's the people we choose to surround ourselves with and how well we nurture our relationships with them

[00:05:42] Robert Waldinger director of the Harvard study of adult development

[00:05:46] explained that quote the clearest message that we get from this 75 year study is this

[00:05:52] good relationships keep us happier and healthier period and

[00:05:57] quote as

[00:05:59] With most things in life when it comes to building good relationships quality is more important than quantity

[00:06:06] Indeed practicing minimalism is as important in curating relationships as it is in decluttering a closet in

[00:06:14] the 1990s British anthropologist and researcher Robin Dunbar

[00:06:19] Determined that we are only capable of having a finite number of people in our social sphere

[00:06:24] 150 at most due to the size of our brains

[00:06:28] Anymore and it becomes impossible to manage one social network. This theory is known as Dunbar's number

[00:06:36] Dunbar went on to conclude that while we can form at most

[00:06:40] 150 loose relationships

[00:06:41] We only have the capacity to form close meaningful relationships with approximately five individuals

[00:06:48] The takeaways from the Grant and Gluck study and Robin Dunbar's research are both hopeful and daunting

[00:06:55] Hopeful in the sense that our capacity to lead a happy life

[00:06:59] rests on our capacity to forge close bonds with merely five individuals

[00:07:04] Daunting in that most can appreciate the challenge posed by nurturing just one close relationship over a lifetime

[00:07:11] Nonetheless despite how hard it may be the reward is worth it as Booker T. Washington once said

[00:07:19] quote

[00:07:20] Nothing ever comes to one that is worth having

[00:07:23] except as a result of hard work and

[00:07:26] quote

[00:07:27] The payoff from positive relationships

[00:07:30] Hear that in tomorrow's episode

[00:07:36] You just listened to part one of the post titled

[00:07:39] The single most important factor in leading a happy fulfilling life according to science by Jay Harrington

[00:07:46] With becoming minimalist calm and be sure to stick around for my comments right after this

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[00:09:22] Okay, and thanks to Jay for a great start to this article

[00:09:26] Someone who likes to prioritize long-term thinking myself

[00:09:29] I found myself having some thoughts about his note that creating a meaningful life depends on constantly making decisions that support long-term goals

[00:09:37] Obviously my first thought was oh good reinforcement

[00:09:41] But then I also remembered how it can sometimes be difficult to maintain these constant good decisions

[00:09:47] as we all know and

[00:09:49] The self criticism that we can be receptive to when that happens

[00:09:54] So I do think that part of creating a life based on steady decisions in favor of long-term happiness

[00:10:02] Is the ability to slip up and forgive oneself?

[00:10:05] Obviously, we don't want to make a habit of doing this especially when it comes to core values

[00:10:10] But I do think that in those times that we loosen our leashes

[00:10:14] As long as we jump right back on the train and make good decisions shortly thereafter

[00:10:19] The easier it becomes over time to feel as though our good habits are easy to maintain and that

[00:10:25] We have more control over them than they do over us

[00:10:29] But should we constantly find ourselves wanting to take those little breaks if you will?

[00:10:35] Well, then the goals we say we're pursuing probably don't mean as much to us as we thought they did

[00:10:40] Something to think about everyone. I will leave you to it as it is time to get going for now

[00:10:45] Thank you so much for showing up today and listening through to the end

[00:10:48] I hope you're enjoying the article so far and of course, I hope you come back to hear the rest of it tomorrow

[00:10:53] That's where your optimal life awaits