2164: [Part 2] The Single Most Important Factor in Leading a Happy, Fulfilling Life–According to Science by Jay Harrington with Becoming Minimalist

[00:00:00] Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal

[00:00:04] development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So to optimize your

[00:00:10] life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now onto the show.

[00:00:17] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2164,

[00:00:22] The Single Most Important Factor in Leading a Happy, Fulfilling Life, According to Science,

[00:00:28] Part 2, by Jay Harrington with BecomingMinimalist.com

[00:00:33] Hello everybody and welcome back to ORD with me your host and narrator Greg Audino.

[00:00:39] And today we'll be finishing up a longer post we began yesterday, courtesy of Jay Harrington.

[00:00:44] I love the start it got off to and the Harvard study that it's inspired by.

[00:00:48] So without further ado, let's get right into part 2 and continue optimizing your life.

[00:00:57] The Single Most Important Factor in Leading a Happy, Fulfilling Life, According to Science,

[00:01:03] Part 2, by Jay Harrington with BecomingMinimalist.com

[00:01:08] The payoff from positive relationships

[00:01:12] The benefits of having close, healthy relationships with members of one's immediate

[00:01:16] family are self-evident. A safe, secure and loving family results in happy independent

[00:01:22] children and parents who derive the satisfaction of having completed a job well done.

[00:01:28] The payoff from social and professional relationships may be less obvious,

[00:01:32] but are no less important. Consider the following historical examples

[00:01:37] of people leveraging close relationships into meaningful success.

[00:01:42] In the 1920s, Ernest Hemingway moved to Paris to join a group of expatriate,

[00:01:47] lost generation writers, including Gertrude Stein and F. Scott Fitzgerald,

[00:01:52] who had taken up residence in the Left Bank. They hung out at cafes, argued about politics,

[00:01:58] carused late into the nights on the streets of Paris, and produced some of the greatest

[00:02:03] works of literature in the 20th century. In the 1970s, young and brash directors

[00:02:09] Francis Coupola, Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Brian De Palma,

[00:02:16] known as the Movie Brats, took Hollywood by storm. They completed, collaborated, shared resources,

[00:02:24] worked on each other's films, gave critical feedback, and formed friendships. They

[00:02:30] transformed an industry because of, not despite one another. A tribe of inspiring

[00:02:36] and supportive people can lift you up, hold you accountable, and inspire you to live to

[00:02:42] your greatest potential. As motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously observed,

[00:02:47] we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so choose wisely.

[00:02:53] Implicit in this principle, of course, is the fact that it works both ways.

[00:02:58] If you fail to choose wisely and surround yourself with people who exhibit behaviors

[00:03:02] and habits that are inconsistent with your own desires, you'll have a hard time bucking the

[00:03:06] group's standards, as unappealing as they may be. For example, if you desire to lead a healthy and

[00:03:13] active lifestyle, you'll be hard-pressed to do so if your inner circle consists of couch potato

[00:03:18] friends who spend their days playing video games and eating junk food. On the other hand, if

[00:03:24] your friends are physically fit, you stand a much greater chance of being fit yourself,

[00:03:29] because the cultural norms of your group will influence your own behavior.

[00:03:33] Who you spend the most time with is who you are.

[00:03:39] Our instincts to fit in have ancient roots. For thousands of years, humans have lived in tribes

[00:03:45] in which it was essential to conform. To buck the tribe was to be shunned or cast out

[00:03:50] altogether, leading to great hardship. Modern culture is different, but from fraternities

[00:03:56] and sororities to sports teams and social groups, tribes still exist and still enforce

[00:04:02] social norms. Just ask a young college student who is pledging a fraternity whether participating

[00:04:07] in hazing rituals is optional if you doubt the existence of modern tribes and their codes of

[00:04:12] social conduct. In this environment, faced with the expectations of a tribe, you have a few

[00:04:19] options. One, conform to the rules of the tribe. Two, resist. Or three, find a new one.

[00:04:27] There's nothing inherently wrong with conforming to a tribe's social norms

[00:04:32] as long as those norms align with your own desires. If you are living out of alignment

[00:04:37] with your desired values and those around you are exemplifying the lifestyle you want to live,

[00:04:42] then the quickest way to get what you want is to surrender to the group's standards.

[00:04:47] But often the opposite is true. You want something different than what the group demands.

[00:04:52] In this scenario, surrendering to the group is sacrificing the life you desire.

[00:04:57] Another option is to resist the group, but this path is perilous. It's hard enough to change

[00:05:03] one's own thoughts and behaviors. Why take on the nearly impossible task of trying to change

[00:05:08] someone else's? The third way is to practice relationship minimalism, which is not always the

[00:05:14] path of least resistance, but is certainly the path of greatest benefit. Most people enter into

[00:05:19] relationships too haphazardly or maintain existing ones by default. They rely on proximity or

[00:05:26] convenience to guide relationship decision-making, or are gripped by the inertia of the status quo.

[00:05:33] Finding the tribe that's right for you is not always easy. It requires careful consideration.

[00:05:39] Often it means making difficult decisions to part ways with those who don't align

[00:05:43] with your values. But isn't the payoff of lifelong happiness and fulfillment worth it?

[00:05:48] There are people out there who can bring real joy to your life, who you can share

[00:05:53] meaningful experiences with, and who will be there to lift you up when you need it.

[00:05:58] Cultivate a tribe in which your desired behavior is the normal behavior.

[00:06:02] Surround yourself with people who are leading lives you want to live.

[00:06:06] Here's how. First, use minimalism to shed the extraneous excesses that clutter your home

[00:06:12] and your mind. Cast aside harmful isms that are detracting, not adding value to your life

[00:06:18] and the lives of those around you. This will create the space and time necessary

[00:06:23] to tackle life's more important issues. Second, leverage your newfound mental bandwidth

[00:06:29] to think deeply about how you want to live your life. How do you want to spend your time?

[00:06:34] What makes you happy? What kind of person do you want to be?

[00:06:38] Third, make the hard decisions necessary to part ways with toxic people in your life

[00:06:44] and scale back ambivalent relationships to make room for new, better aligned ones.

[00:06:51] Find people who exemplify the values and lifestyles you aspire to. Clusters of such

[00:06:56] people may already have found each other in formed groups, from book clubs to biking groups,

[00:07:01] centered around the activities and experiences that are consistent with your desires.

[00:07:06] Begin to engage.

[00:07:08] And fifth, take frequent, consistent steps to strengthen budding relationships with members

[00:07:14] of your newfound tribe. Show up, give back, express gratitude, let your guard down, be

[00:07:21] generous. Find your people, then never take them for granted. You will become a transformed and

[00:07:27] better person when you surround yourself with people who push, prod, and encourage you to

[00:07:32] reach new heights. Give of yourself to others who inspire you, and a delightful thing will happen.

[00:07:39] You'll get so much more than you could ever imagine in return.

[00:07:46] You just listened to part 2 of the post titled,

[00:07:50] The Single Most Important Factor in Leading a Happy, Fulfilling Life, According to Science,

[00:07:56] by Jay Harrington with becomingminimalist.com. And be sure to stick around for my comments

[00:08:01] right after this. Okay, and a great one from Jay. It's nice to have heard it in its entirety now.

[00:08:08] I really hope that this post stays with you everyone. It is this very Harvard study he's

[00:08:13] talking about that has been so motivating to me to keep relationships at the center of my life,

[00:08:18] which of course includes hosting the show each and every day.

[00:08:22] I know that relationships are with us every day, and it's easy to take them for granted.

[00:08:27] You know, they can't be constant highlights, and their benefits aren't always as easy to see

[00:08:32] as the benefits we get from our jobs for example, monetary benefits. But they really

[00:08:38] are the engines that keep us going, and I thoroughly believe that if we don't emphasize them

[00:08:43] all throughout life, that we are likely to arrive at old age with the realization that

[00:08:48] we might never have prioritized the most important thing. So I implore you,

[00:08:54] believe in your relationships, tend to them, and keep them at the forefront of your decisions.

[00:09:00] They will guide you where you need to go. But that's going to do it for today everyone.

[00:09:04] Thank you so much for coming. Thanks again to Jay and Becoming Minimalist for sharing this

[00:09:08] content. Have a terrific Wednesday, and be sure to come back tomorrow for a parenting post.

[00:09:13] That's where your optimal life awaits.