2165: 6 Ways to Manage Your Child's Tantrums by Adina Soclof of Parenting Simply on Parenthood & Family Relationships

[00:00:00] Families have a lot going on. Let Oli help manage the mental load with new cognitive

[00:00:06] health supplements for everyone foreign up, like delicious lollifocus pops or

[00:00:10] lollimellow pops for kids. And for parents, try three new brain-y chews to

[00:00:14] help you focus, chill out, or get energized. Find these cognitive health

[00:00:18] buddies for the whole fam at oli.com. That's O-L-L-Y dot com. These

[00:00:22] statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This

[00:00:25] product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

[00:00:30] Look, Bumble knows you're exhausted by dating. All the

[00:00:33] must not take yourself too seriously and six one since that matters. And what do I even say other

[00:00:41] than hey? Well, that's why they're introducing an all new Bumble with exciting features to make

[00:00:48] compatibility easier, starting the chat better and dating safer. They've changed, so you

[00:00:54] don't have to. Download the new Bumble now. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2165.

[00:01:02] Six Ways To Manage Your Child's Tantrums by Adina Sokloff of parentingsimply.com.

[00:01:09] Hello everybody and happy Thursday. I'm so glad you're here with me today to ring in our

[00:01:13] Parenting Leg of the Week. I'm your host and narrator Greg Audino. And while I offer

[00:01:18] content to help with all kinds of relationships here on the show,

[00:01:21] Thursdays and Fridays are reserved for parenting material specifically.

[00:01:25] So with that being said, let's hear what today's contributor, Parenting Specialist,

[00:01:29] Adina Sokloff has to say about managing your child's many tantrums as we optimize your life.

[00:01:39] Six Ways To Manage Your Child's Tantrums by Adina Sokloff of parentingsimply.com.

[00:01:46] Question. My four year old daughter seems to fly off the handle and get angry for no reason.

[00:01:52] For example, this morning she woke up cheerfully, gut dressed, brushed her teeth,

[00:01:57] and washed up without a problem. At breakfast out of nowhere, she starts yelling at her brother to

[00:02:02] stop looking at her. My son told her she should just close her eyes and not look at him. This made

[00:02:08] her even more mad and she sat under the table crying and whining for about five minutes. She

[00:02:14] then came out from under the table and ate her breakfast like nothing happened. This happens

[00:02:19] all the time. She's sweet, cuddly and warm and then boom, she blows up without warning and then

[00:02:24] she is calm again. What is going on and how can I stop her from behaving in this way?

[00:02:31] Thank you for your question. Here are some ways to help manage your child's many tantrums.

[00:02:37] Number 1. Be A Detective Some kids are temperamentally sensitive and we

[00:02:42] don't know what sets them off. I would still try to find a pattern for her behavior.

[00:02:47] Does she behave in this way more when waking up, when she's leaving for school,

[00:02:52] when she's rushed during the evening or when you are tending to other children?

[00:02:57] Finding the source can help you manage or eliminate the cause of her many tantrums.

[00:03:01] You'll be less likely to get caught off guard and better equipped to deal with them.

[00:03:06] For example, if you know breakfast is a difficult time for her,

[00:03:10] you can have her eat before all her siblings or move the seats around so that they are

[00:03:14] sitting far away from each other. Learning to work around her most difficult times

[00:03:19] will help relieve some of the tension you are both experiencing.

[00:03:23] Number 2. Have The Right Parenting Attitude It is helpful to remember that it's normal for

[00:03:29] all children to whine, cry and tantrum and get mad at their siblings. We cannot fully stop

[00:03:35] this type of behavior. Getting along with others within the family is a lifelong pursuit.

[00:03:40] Everyone, adults included, whine, cry, sulk and behave badly. It's just a part of life.

[00:03:46] Managing our family's bad moods, including our own, is just part of the job description

[00:03:52] under the heading of mom. Don't fight it. How you react lays the groundwork for how your child

[00:03:57] will manage her moods and conflicts later on in life. In other words, focus more on how

[00:04:03] you respond to her so that you are modeling appropriate behavior instead of trying to

[00:04:07] change her behavior. Instead of saying to yourself, I gotta get her to stop acting in this way,

[00:04:13] she's always misbehaving, say, she needs help managing her rough feelings. If I can find a

[00:04:19] way to manage this annoying behavior in a kind way, she will learn to be kind to others

[00:04:24] and learn how to control herself better in the future. A wise person once said to me,

[00:04:29] you can't change people's behaviors, but you do have control over how you react to them.

[00:04:34] That's the secret to great parenting.

[00:04:36] Number three, find her in out of ear shot safe place to carry out her mini tantrum.

[00:04:42] If she is driving you crazy, you are well within your rights to say,

[00:04:47] if you need to whine, cry or complain, please find another place to do it.

[00:04:51] Or do you want me to take you to your room to finish crying? Or do you want to go yourself?

[00:04:57] Or which private place do you want to go to finish your whining,

[00:05:01] your bedroom or the bathroom? Number four, always empathize.

[00:05:06] When children hear empathy, it soothes them and helps them manage their difficult feelings.

[00:05:12] You can say, something is making you so sad and whiny, I wish I knew what it was.

[00:05:17] It doesn't seem like you are able to tell me right now. Or sometimes just having someone

[00:05:23] look at you can bother you. It can make you want to sit under the table until you pull

[00:05:27] yourself together. It can make you upset even if the person looking at you might not have meant

[00:05:31] to hurt your feelings or bother you. Number five, problem solve.

[00:05:37] When you are calm and she is calm, talk to her about her behavior. Here are some suggestions.

[00:05:43] You know this morning you were very upset about Johnny looking at you and you complained and

[00:05:47] whined about it. Can you think of another way you could have reacted? Is there something

[00:05:51] that I can do next time to help you deal with a situation like that?

[00:05:55] When you feel all yucky inside, is there a way you can get all your bad feelings out

[00:05:59] without whining and complaining? Sometimes all that noise you make when you're sad or angry

[00:06:04] can hurt my ears and make me whiny. She might not answer or be able to come up with any solutions.

[00:06:10] The point of the problem solving at such a young age is to plant the seeds in her head

[00:06:14] that she is responsible for her behavior. And she can control her behavior and you are

[00:06:19] willing to help her. Number six, focus on her positive behavior.

[00:06:25] Remember, it's good that she does not hold a grudge or hold onto her negative behavior for a

[00:06:30] long period of time. You can praise her for this. You know what? Sometimes you get annoyed and mad.

[00:06:36] You may yell and complain but you know ways to calm yourself down. After you calm yourself

[00:06:42] down you are happy again. That's a very good way to be. You can also notice and praise

[00:06:46] her for the times her siblings bother her and she does not get upset.

[00:06:50] Johnny wanted the toy you were playing with. You gave it to him and found another toy to play with.

[00:06:55] That's called being kind. I hope this helped. Good luck.

[00:06:59] Adina, you just listened to the post titled Six Ways to Manage Your Child's Tantrums

[00:07:09] by Adina Sockloff of parentingsimply.com and I'll be back with my comments in just a sec.

[00:07:15] Kaylee Cuoco for PriceLine. Ready to go to your happy place for a happy price?

[00:07:20] Well, why didn't you say so? Just download the PriceLine app right now and save up to 60%

[00:07:24] on hotels. So whether it's cousin Kevin's Cazoo concert in Kansas City, go Kevin!

[00:07:29] Or Becky's Bachelorette Bash in Bermuda. You never have to miss a trip ever again.

[00:07:33] So download the PriceLine app today. Your savings are waiting.

[00:07:37] Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price, PriceLine.

[00:07:46] This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little

[00:07:50] or a lot, Shopify helps you do your thing however you chitching. From the launch

[00:07:56] your online shop stage all the way to the we just hit a million orders stage.

[00:08:01] No matter what stage you're in, Shopify's there to help you grow.

[00:08:04] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com

[00:08:09] special offer all lowercase. That's Shopify.com slash special offer.

[00:08:15] And many thanks to Adina for this super mindful roadmap to helping children with their tantrums.

[00:08:20] It's funny though, I will be darned if each of these suggestions can't also be applied to

[00:08:26] our own tantrums or fellow adult tantrums. We tend to forget why we parent the way we do

[00:08:33] and how responsive we are to these kinds of techniques even as we age into adulthood.

[00:08:38] I mean think about it. Does it not make sense to seek the recurring themes like location or time

[00:08:43] of day when it comes to your tantrums or someone else's? Do we not look to separate outlets for our

[00:08:49] aggression like yelling into a pillow or taking a boxing class? Is it not helpful to be kind with

[00:08:55] ourselves and non-judgmental as we seek to improve our own behavior? Is it not important to

[00:09:01] remember all of the things we do right so as to not shame ourselves for the things

[00:09:06] that we don't like about ourselves? Food for thought everyone. Great article by Adina.

[00:09:12] That is it for now though team. Thank you as always for being here and listening until the end.

[00:09:16] You know I'll be back here again tomorrow with another parenting post,

[00:09:19] so if you liked this one then be sure to come on back for that where your optimal life awaits.