2166: 5 Strategies for Finding Joy in Motherhood - Even When You’re Stressed Out by Amber Mae with EricaLayne.co

[00:00:00] Families have a lot going on. Let OLLI help manage the mental load with new cognitive health supplements for everyone 4 and up, like delicious lollifocus pops or lollimellopops for kids.

[00:00:12] And for parents, try three new brainy chews to help you focus, chill out, or get energized.

[00:00:17] Find these cognitive health buddies for the whole fam at OLLI.com. That's O-L-L-Y.com.

[00:00:22] These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

[00:00:30] Look, Bumble knows you're exhausted by dating. Alda must not take yourself too seriously and 6-1 since that matters.

[00:00:39] And what do I even say other than hey?

[00:00:44] Well, that's why they're introducing an all new Bumble with exciting features to make compatibility easier, starting the chat better, and dating safer.

[00:00:53] They've changed so you don't have to. Download the new Bumble now.

[00:00:57] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2166. Five Strategies for Finding Joy in Motherhood, Even When You're Stressed Out

[00:01:07] by Amber May with ericallane.co

[00:01:10] Hello everybody, happy Friday and thank you so much for being here today.

[00:01:15] My name is Greg Audino and I am with you every single day of the week, including weekends and holidays, to share articles with you that talk about relationship building.

[00:01:23] These articles talk about the different types of value we can find in relationships, tips to approach them, and of course the different types of relationships that we have.

[00:01:32] So we do cover it all, and today we're going to be focusing on parenting. So let's get to it as we optimize your life.

[00:01:39] Five Strategies for Finding Joy in Motherhood, Even When You're Stressed Out

[00:01:47] by Amber May with ericallane.co

[00:01:51] Have you ever noticed that when you have kids, everything is an emergency?

[00:01:56] But I wanted the cup filled to the top. You gave her a bigger piece.

[00:02:01] My project is due tomorrow and I forgot about it. You have to help.

[00:02:05] And it's not like as moms we don't have emergencies of our own. We are, after all, alive.

[00:02:12] Some of us are wondering where the next paycheck will come from. Others are fighting to keep our marriages strong.

[00:02:18] We face depression, illness, and the overwhelming feeling that we are not enough.

[00:02:23] Even when we simplify our lives, even if we've said no to overscheduling our kids and donated the extra clutter in our homes, life happens.

[00:02:33] It's stressful. It's hard. There are days when we just want to hide in the bathroom with the door locked.

[00:02:39] Then someone mentions joy. Oh yeah, this motherhood thing is supposed to be about joy, isn't it?

[00:02:47] How can we find joy when everything is falling apart?

[00:02:51] How can we find joy when a chorus of high voices are crying for us, we've got big problems weighing on our minds,

[00:02:58] and the mom guilt is creeping in because walking across the floor of the living room is akin to walking through a minefield with Legos, blocks, and Barbie dolls.

[00:03:06] Sometimes the joy doesn't come. And that's okay.

[00:03:10] The downs make the ups that much more sweet.

[00:03:13] But if you feel like you only experience the downs, then maybe take a step back and try one of these methods for finding joy in motherhood, even when you're stressed out.

[00:03:23] Five strategies for finding joy in motherhood, even when you're stressed out.

[00:03:28] Number one, connect.

[00:03:31] The other day I noticed I had hardly made eye contact with my son all morning.

[00:03:36] So I did what any sane woman would do. I got down on all fours and started barking.

[00:03:42] My boy has a thing about dogs.

[00:03:44] Within moments, he was in my lap asking for a bone, and any stressors that had kept me from noticing him that morning melted away.

[00:03:53] Between refereeing, cooking dinner, and managing the chaos, when was the last time you connected with your kids?

[00:04:00] It's so hard to feel like we're doing a good job when we aren't spending any quality time with our loved ones.

[00:04:07] If you don't enjoy playing on the ground, try finding something that you do enjoy.

[00:04:12] Read to them, tickle them, sing songs or turn on the radio and dance. Connect.

[00:04:19] Number two, get outside.

[00:04:22] Sometimes a change of scenery is all it takes to release the tension and get back to loving your life.

[00:04:28] If you can't get outside, try going to a friend's house or your mom's, or even the playground at the mall.

[00:04:34] Number three, reframe.

[00:04:37] Reframing is a cognitive therapy that has been around since the 1960s.

[00:04:42] Basically, it's changing the way you look at a situation.

[00:04:46] Earlier this week, my daughter decided it would be fun to stop the sink, turn the water on and go outside.

[00:04:54] I learned about her strange experiment when I went downstairs to trade out laundry and found it was raining.

[00:05:01] The water had spilled out of the upstairs sink, dribbled its way out of the bathroom, around the corner, into the vent and down to the basement.

[00:05:10] My first reaction was to scream, but I figured it's better to laugh than cry.

[00:05:16] So I reframed it and I kept repeating to myself, this is funny.

[00:05:21] This is funny.

[00:05:23] This is definitely funny.

[00:05:25] I avoided a meltdown, and eventually my mind followed suit and I was able to see the humor in the situation.

[00:05:32] Number four, practice gratitude.

[00:05:35] Focusing on what you do have rather than all of the things that are not working can help you shift your mindset.

[00:05:42] But this isn't something to only work on in the moment.

[00:05:45] Taking the time every day to see the positive in your life is an important aspect of creating a good life.

[00:05:52] One way we practice gratitude at our house is by answering gratitude questions every morning at the kitchen table.

[00:05:59] I ask the kids to answer questions like these.

[00:06:02] What are two things that make you happy?

[00:06:04] Name a person that you love.

[00:06:06] Name two things that you are grateful for.

[00:06:09] I've seen improvement in my kid's attitude since we started, and I'm a calmer mom too.

[00:06:14] And number five, let it go.

[00:06:18] Take a couple of deep breaths.

[00:06:20] In and out.

[00:06:23] Now let it go.

[00:06:24] The guilt.

[00:06:26] The crazy high expectations.

[00:06:29] The repetitive thoughts that race through your mind, reminding you about all of your worries.

[00:06:34] Let them go.

[00:06:36] I believe words are powerful.

[00:06:38] We become our words and our thoughts.

[00:06:41] Sometimes when my positive thought generator is broken, I'll try a mantra.

[00:06:46] One of my favorites is I accept.

[00:06:50] I accept where I am.

[00:06:52] I accept my children the way they are.

[00:06:55] I accept my husband the way he is.

[00:06:58] I accept me.

[00:07:00] Motherhood is stressful, but at its core, motherhood is joy.

[00:07:05] It's the joy of watching your kid learn to read.

[00:07:08] It's the butterflies that dance in your stomach when little hands grasp your face and pull you close for a big wet kiss on the forehead.

[00:07:15] It's the pride of seeing your child own up to a mistake.

[00:07:19] Sadness and stress are there, but it's the joy we'll remember most when our kids are grown and gone.

[00:07:26] So let's savor it while it's more than a memory.

[00:07:29] You just listened to the post titled

[00:07:36] Five Strategies for Finding Joy in Motherhood Even When You're Stressed Out

[00:07:41] by Amber May with ericallane.co

[00:07:44] And be sure to stick around for my comments in just a sec.

[00:07:49] Discover why critics are calling

[00:07:51] Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, the best film of the franchise.

[00:07:54] What a wonderful day!

[00:07:57] It's a jaw-dropping spectacle that demands to be seen on the biggest screen possible.

[00:08:02] I need to go.

[00:08:03] Hang on.

[00:08:04] It is our time.

[00:08:07] Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, now playing only in theaters.

[00:08:11] Rated PG-13.

[00:08:12] Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13.

[00:08:19] Welcome to Quoco for Priceline.

[00:08:20] Ready to go to your happy place for a happy price?

[00:08:22] Well, why didn't you say so?

[00:08:23] Just download the Priceline app right now and save up to 60% on hotels.

[00:08:27] So whether it's Cousin Kevin's Kazoo concert in Kansas City,

[00:08:30] Go Kevin!

[00:08:31] Or Becky's Bachelorette Bash in Bermuda,

[00:08:33] you never have to miss a trip ever again.

[00:08:35] So download the Priceline app today.

[00:08:37] Your savings are waiting.

[00:08:39] Go to your happy place for a happy price.

[00:08:44] Go to your happy price, Priceline.

[00:08:47] This episode is brought to you by Shopify.

[00:08:50] Whether you're selling a little or a lot,

[00:08:53] Shopify helps you do your thing however you cha-ching.

[00:08:57] From the Launch Your Online Shop stage all the way to the

[00:09:00] We Just Hit A Million Orders stage.

[00:09:03] No matter what stage you're in,

[00:09:04] Shopify's there to help you grow.

[00:09:06] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at

[00:09:09] Shopify.com slash special offer, all lowercase.

[00:09:12] That's Shopify.com slash special offer.

[00:09:17] Okay, and a big thank you to Amber for this post.

[00:09:20] To me her bullet point about gratitude goes hand in hand

[00:09:23] with the note she ended on about the joy we'll remember

[00:09:26] when our kids are grown and gone.

[00:09:28] I don't know about you,

[00:09:30] but the easiest way for me to extract gratitude out of

[00:09:33] tough situations has always been this kind of perspective.

[00:09:37] Knowing that the fun parts of this time of life are finite

[00:09:41] and thinking about how I'll appreciate them down the road

[00:09:44] when I won't have them anymore.

[00:09:46] I also tend to look upon my past as always being simpler.

[00:09:49] So knowing that the challenges I faced weren't there to stay

[00:09:53] and sort of laughing at how I let them get to me in those times

[00:09:57] that I was too focused on them and lost that perspective

[00:10:00] again of them being fleeting times of life.

[00:10:03] And I think parents can take these same approaches.

[00:10:06] Finding gratitude now,

[00:10:08] knowing that the joyous parts of raising children won't always be there.

[00:10:12] And also maybe envisioning ourselves laughing at all the stresses

[00:10:15] of raising children once they are grown up and we're reflecting.

[00:10:19] So think about that parents as you look to focus on the joys of parenthood.

[00:10:23] It's time to wrap things up for now,

[00:10:25] but I thank you for coming and staying until the end.

[00:10:28] Enjoy your night and be sure to join us this weekend

[00:10:30] for more content where your optimal life awaits.