2175: Minimalism and Relationships by Jennifer Tritt with No Sidebar on Simple Living & Marriage

[00:00:00] Now

[00:00:27] before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal

[00:00:32] development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more.

[00:00:37] So to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast

[00:00:42] app.

[00:00:43] Now onto the show.

[00:00:45] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2175, Minimalism & Relationships, by Jennifer

[00:00:52] Tritt with NoSideBar.com.

[00:00:56] Hello everybody and welcome back to ORD, the podcast that's all about improving the

[00:01:01] relationships in your life each and every day in about 10 minutes.

[00:01:04] I'm your host and narrator Greg Audino.

[00:01:07] Thank you so much for being here and doing right by your relationships today.

[00:01:11] Now let's get right to today's article as we optimize your life.

[00:01:19] Minimalism & Relationships, by Jennifer Tritt with NoSideBar.com.

[00:01:25] Good times with great people are a gift.

[00:01:28] When I reflect over the past year or so, my two favorite memories are of a Paul McCartney

[00:01:33] concert I attended with my son and running the Bay to Breakers race in San Francisco

[00:01:39] with my love.

[00:01:40] True bliss, living and loving in the present moment.

[00:01:44] I felt free, strong, and hopeful.

[00:01:47] I treasure those feelings and connections more than any physical possession.

[00:01:52] Perhaps I feel young at 50 because I am a late bloomer.

[00:01:55] I did not learn to love and truly respect myself until I was in my 40s.

[00:02:00] This journey took place as I was adjusting to life alone after divorce.

[00:02:04] I was also beginning to learn about and embrace minimalism, and had created a peaceful, soothing

[00:02:09] living space.

[00:02:11] I was engaged in a process of self-discovery, identifying what I value and what I enjoy.

[00:02:18] I began to meet and reconnect with friends who shared my interests.

[00:02:22] I began to long for a healthy romantic relationship.

[00:02:26] I met the love of my life at a time when I was whole and happy.

[00:02:29] I was comfortable being alone, and was reaching out for a relationship as a way to enhance

[00:02:34] my life.

[00:02:35] Our first meeting was at Starbucks.

[00:02:38] He ordered an iced mocha, I ordered a strawberry smoothie.

[00:02:42] We chatted for the hour we were able to arrange to be away from our respective children.

[00:02:47] We were mutually attracted to one another, and experiencing that jittery start of a new

[00:02:51] romance.

[00:02:53] Shortly after, literally a few minutes, he invited me on a date.

[00:02:58] Our first date was the best first date of all time.

[00:03:02] We had originally planned on dinner, and then he wrote and asked if I would like to go biking

[00:03:07] instead.

[00:03:08] Of course I would rather go biking.

[00:03:10] It was awesome.

[00:03:12] We did a 40-mile rail trail, which gave us an opportunity to get to know each other in

[00:03:16] a beautiful setting while being real, out of breath, sweating, struggling, etc.

[00:03:23] After the ride we went for drinks, in our sweaty clothes, then to dinner.

[00:03:28] It was a 12-hour first date.

[00:03:31] Things have been magical ever since.

[00:03:34] Minimalism and Relationships

[00:03:37] Minimalism has helped me to release painful memories, and replace that space with openness

[00:03:41] to new relationships and experiences.

[00:03:44] Here are a few minimalist lessons I have learned about relationships.

[00:03:49] 1.

[00:03:50] Let Go

[00:03:51] Societal expectations about marriage and family can be overwhelming.

[00:03:56] Having struggled and failed in these endeavors, I have experienced feelings of heartbreak,

[00:04:01] loneliness, worthlessness, and shame.

[00:04:04] The path to self-acceptance was challenging.

[00:04:07] I had to learn to let go of the past.

[00:04:10] I acknowledged my poor choices and decisions.

[00:04:13] I moved forward with the insight those experiences had given me.

[00:04:17] I forgave.

[00:04:18] I recognized worry and do my best to release it.

[00:04:22] This is an ongoing process and requires awareness and effort.

[00:04:26] Decluttering my belongings and releasing the attached memories helped me to declutter my

[00:04:31] mind and heal my heart.

[00:04:33] 2.

[00:04:35] Less is More

[00:04:36] I learned to stop surrounding myself with empty or superficial relationships in an effort

[00:04:41] to avoid loneliness.

[00:04:43] Those of us who have been divorced hold on to even fewer friends over the years due to

[00:04:48] awkwardness and social pressures.

[00:04:51] True friends, who were patient and loving, along with a good therapist, were invaluable

[00:04:56] to me.

[00:04:57] I treasure the few friendships that have endured over time.

[00:05:00] I eventually became more concerned about how I felt than how I appeared to others.

[00:05:06] Minimalism helped me to shed the layers, both physically in clothing and belongings,

[00:05:11] and emotionally in being stuck in the past and wrestling with guilt and painful memories.

[00:05:16] 3.

[00:05:18] Be Real

[00:05:20] Minimalism means authenticity over image.

[00:05:23] I am happy to have reached a point in my life where I am being true to myself.

[00:05:27] I believe I have become a more genuine, confident, and attractive person.

[00:05:32] I do not project an image, I show up.

[00:05:35] My love and I share experiences of divorce and its aftermath.

[00:05:39] We began our relationship with our cards on the table.

[00:05:43] Having both been judged harshly, we refrained from judging one another.

[00:05:47] We accepted one another, including past behaviors and choices, and dealt with residual pain.

[00:05:54] This unconditional love and understanding is what provides our strength as a couple.

[00:05:59] We had common ground and empathy for one another from day one.

[00:06:03] We help each other with parenting challenges and negotiations with exes.

[00:06:07] We do our best to avoid drama and games.

[00:06:11] 4.

[00:06:12] Live in the Present

[00:06:14] Our relationship has deepened over time, and we recently moved in together and experienced

[00:06:19] the process of merging our belongings.

[00:06:22] We gave away or tossed items that do not serve a purpose in our life together.

[00:06:27] On more than one occasion, we encountered what seemed an innocuous item, such as a mug

[00:06:32] or a book or a piece of art, and realized the memories attached from previous relationships

[00:06:37] can be damaging.

[00:06:39] We are now making new memories with our everyday items, like the fancy toaster we purchase

[00:06:43] together and use every weekend.

[00:06:46] It was healing and cleansing to let go of items linked to past relationships in order

[00:06:51] to start fresh.

[00:06:52] We both work at releasing the past and focusing on the present.

[00:06:56] Connecting in meaningful ways is much easier when we have less belongings to weigh us down.

[00:07:02] We continue to make choices based on relationships and experiences over things.

[00:07:07] We set goals around traveling to destinations we want to explore and athletic accomplishments

[00:07:12] we aim to achieve.

[00:07:14] We spend little time making purchases or organizing belongings because we have what we need.

[00:07:19] We enjoy our life together, day by day.

[00:07:27] You just listened to the post titled, Minimalism and Relationships by Jennifer Tritt with nosidebar.com.

[00:07:35] And be sure to stick around for my comments in just a minute.

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[00:07:59] Go to your happy place for a happy price.

[00:08:04] Go to your happy price, Priceline.

[00:08:08] And a great post from Jennifer, which we thank her for.

[00:08:11] I really love this article because it is such a truthful reminder for those who maybe do

[00:08:17] feel as though it's too late to make a change in life.

[00:08:20] Once we reach a certain age, so many of us fall into the trap of thinking that our lives

[00:08:25] now are destined to look the way they do for the rest of our days.

[00:08:29] But transformation in some way is always possible, and that's not blind optimism, it's the

[00:08:34] objective truth.

[00:08:36] We have to believe in that truth.

[00:08:38] And articles like this with examples like Jennifer's help us to do so.

[00:08:43] But if this is something you still struggle with even after hearing this article today,

[00:08:48] it's definitely worth contemplating the minimalism part of it too.

[00:08:52] What we don't realize about keeping a lot of stuff around is that psychologically, we

[00:08:56] do so in an effort to maintain a connection to certain phases of life, times we don't

[00:09:02] want to or can't let go of.

[00:09:04] Our memories really get saturated in these items, and the items go on to hold much more

[00:09:09] significance than we ever intended them to, or probably realize that they do.

[00:09:14] So consider doing some decluttering, and see if doing so gives you more of a jolt into the

[00:09:21] present, more of a feeling of having a blank slate in front of you.

[00:09:25] You might be surprised.

[00:09:27] But okay, that's going to wrap things up for today everyone.

[00:09:30] Thank you as always for tuning in and doing something good for your relationships by doing

[00:09:33] so.

[00:09:34] Have a great rest of your Saturday, and I'll see you again tomorrow for more, where your

[00:09:38] optimal life awaits.