2188: How We're Using Social Media The Wrong Way by Anthony Ongaro of Break The Twitch

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[00:00:29] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2188 – How We're Using Social Media the

[00:00:36] Wrong Way, by Anthony Ungaro of BreakTheTwitch.com.

[00:00:41] Hello everybody and welcome welcome to ORD.

[00:00:44] I'm your host and narrator Greg Audino, happy to be here with you once again to share

[00:00:48] content that's all about building better relationships in your life.

[00:00:52] And today's post focuses on the pitfalls of social media, how using it too much can

[00:00:57] damage our relationships, and a suggestion for a remedy which I'll expand upon in

[00:01:01] my commentary after the reading.

[00:01:04] So let's get right to the article as we start optimizing your life.

[00:01:11] How We're Using Social Media the Wrong Way, by Anthony Ungaro of BreakTheTwitch.com.

[00:01:19] There is no doubt that social media has become a major part of modern life, and I can't

[00:01:24] see that changing much in the near future.

[00:01:27] Facebook usage continues to climb, with the average user now spending upwards of 50 – that's

[00:01:32] five zero – minutes per day on the site.

[00:01:35] Yet more studies show that the more time we spend on Facebook, the less happy we are.

[00:01:40] So what exactly is going on here?

[00:01:43] Are we just using social media wrong, or is it something that we should actively avoid?

[00:01:49] Social media can have an immensely negative effect.

[00:01:53] Social media definitely has had a negative impact on my own life.

[00:01:57] We all know the impulsive addiction to check social media feeds when you really have no

[00:02:01] reason to.

[00:02:02] That's the twitch, and a large part of where Break the Twitch came from.

[00:02:07] The days that I had the least energy and felt the worst overall were the ones that I spent

[00:02:12] scrolling through social media feeds.

[00:02:14] Facebook provided a constant distraction from what I should be focusing on instead.

[00:02:20] Social media can be just like a digital form of sugar.

[00:02:23] Sure, it may feel good and it's fun to eat, but you can't live on it.

[00:02:28] Just like sugar, social media is made up of empty calories and is not intended to keep

[00:02:33] us healthy and well in the long run.

[00:02:36] But it isn't all bad, is it?

[00:02:39] Even so, I'd find it difficult to argue that these online social tools are inherently

[00:02:44] a bad thing.

[00:02:46] A few years ago, I intended my friend Patrick's wedding.

[00:02:50] Before we met in person, we had exchanged some tweets back and forth and started following

[00:02:54] each other because of our shared love of biking.

[00:02:57] While we'd been friends for quite a while at that point, there wasn't a ton of social

[00:03:02] overlap in our circles.

[00:03:04] When Amy and I arrived at the event, we only found one other person we'd ever met before

[00:03:09] in person.

[00:03:10] While I do believe in the power of a friendly introduction and simply getting to know new

[00:03:15] people from scratch, something incredible happened.

[00:03:19] It turned out that I knew about 30% of the people in attendance from our conversations

[00:03:24] and exchanged quips on Twitter.

[00:03:26] Sure, we didn't know each other yet, but it was seriously magical to have already connected

[00:03:31] with a few of the people sitting around our banquet table.

[00:03:35] Our online exchanges had created a powerful catalyst to deepen our connection and kick

[00:03:40] off our conversation once we met in person.

[00:03:44] Another case in point, you may be listening to this article right now because you found

[00:03:48] it on Facebook or Pinterest or perhaps Twitter.

[00:03:52] You and I are connected right now in a way that we might not be otherwise.

[00:03:57] If you leave a comment, send me an email, or connect on social media, perhaps we'll

[00:04:02] one day be at the same event together and we'll get to talk about intentional living

[00:04:06] and how your life changed after decluttering your home.

[00:04:09] For me, that's the entire point of social media, creating real connections through digital

[00:04:15] ones.

[00:04:16] Social media isn't good or bad, it's just a tool.

[00:04:21] It turns out, social media really is a powerful tool to create meaningful connections.

[00:04:26] We just have to use it properly.

[00:04:29] Just like a hammer, you can use it to build something beautiful or whack someone over

[00:04:33] the head with it.

[00:04:35] It isn't inherently good or evil, it just is.

[00:04:39] I'd consider social media to be something like a protein supplement.

[00:04:43] Sure, it feels good to take and might help you recover from your workout faster.

[00:04:48] But it was never designed to replace working out in the first place.

[00:04:52] One without the other is wasting money and time on what I'd consider a false first

[00:04:56] step, looking for a solution without doing the actual work.

[00:05:00] So that means that it is up to us to determine how we want to use that tool in our lives

[00:05:05] to make them better and not worse.

[00:05:08] Here's what you can do to make a change.

[00:05:11] The best part about this is that you have the power to decide how you want this to

[00:05:15] be a part of your life.

[00:05:17] But no one is going to make that decision for you.

[00:05:20] You get to choose whether it's personally a good thing or a bad thing for you.

[00:05:26] Break the twitch by taking a literal break.

[00:05:29] The most effective way to unaddict yourself is to take at least a 7-day sabbatical from

[00:05:35] social media.

[00:05:36] It may feel uncomfortable at first, but if you push through the first few days, you'll

[00:05:41] see how incredibly freeing it is.

[00:05:43] Sure, things will be happening online, but do you wake up every morning to make sure

[00:05:47] the sun comes up?

[00:05:49] Would it not if you weren't there to ensure it?

[00:05:52] No, it would still do its thing and you can still do yours.

[00:05:57] There's a study from the Happiness Research Institute that found that after one week without

[00:06:01] Facebook, the participants reported a significantly higher level of life satisfaction.

[00:06:07] At that point, you will have less addiction and more clarity in how you want social media

[00:06:11] to be a part of your life going forward.

[00:06:13] Prioritize one-on-one, two-way communication.

[00:06:18] If the extent of your dialogue is double tapping a photo to leave a like on it, it's a nice

[00:06:23] thing to do, but it simply does not build or strengthen relationships on its own.

[00:06:29] Pick up the phone and call, meet up with a friend for coffee, or reach out to someone

[00:06:34] online and engage in dialogue.

[00:06:36] Even if it's over FaceTime, it still means so much more than a quick thumbs up alone.

[00:06:42] While it can feel validating to be on the receiving end of likes, it simply does not

[00:06:46] provide the dialogue we need in our lives.

[00:06:50] It's still just a quick sugary dopamine burst when we need some hearty steamed veggies.

[00:06:56] When you're actually with people, put away your phone.

[00:07:00] I don't mean set it on the table either.

[00:07:02] I mean visibly, audibly away.

[00:07:06] If you're spending your time on social media at home and then still obsessed with

[00:07:10] your phone when you're with a group of good friends, you're undercutting the real relationship

[00:07:14] building that's happening there.

[00:07:17] Life is short, and you never know when you're going to see these people again.

[00:07:21] One of the most meaningful things you can give someone is your full attention.

[00:07:25] It's such a rarity in today's culture.

[00:07:28] Imagine what it might be like to have the same from the people that you care about as

[00:07:31] well.

[00:07:36] You just listened to the post titled, How We're Using Social Media the Wrong Way by

[00:07:42] Anthony Angaro of BreakTheTwitch.com.

[00:07:45] And be sure to stick around for my commentary in just a sec.

[00:07:49] All right, and thanks to Anthony for yet another cautionary warning about social media overuse.

[00:07:54] I like this post a lot.

[00:07:56] I like the idea of taking a break a lot too.

[00:07:58] It's something I've done a few times and have never regretted even a little bit.

[00:08:02] So definitely try that out.

[00:08:04] But if you find yourself being resistant to this idea, as though a break itself is not

[00:08:09] enough or doesn't seem like enough to actually help you in the long run, I recommend turning

[00:08:14] it into more of a replacement than a break.

[00:08:18] So think not just about how much time you'll spend away from social media, but rather how

[00:08:23] you'll spend that time.

[00:08:25] Set goals for yourself and map it out if you can.

[00:08:28] Try to hit daily targets for things that you want to do more of, or things that you want

[00:08:32] to start.

[00:08:33] Maybe you'll take a week off of social media, and in that week you will exercise for an

[00:08:38] hour each day, read for an hour each day, and draw for an hour each day.

[00:08:43] You know, if you feel these are meaningful ways of spending your time.

[00:08:48] All in all, it's a lot easier to give something up when we take a proactive approach and replace

[00:08:54] its presence in our life with something good for us.

[00:08:58] It's by doing this that we witness at a deeper level how much that which we are giving up

[00:09:03] actually takes from us.

[00:09:06] So think about that everyone.

[00:09:08] Think about how you might replace rather than just get back the time you would otherwise

[00:09:11] spend on social media.

[00:09:13] It's time to get going for now though.

[00:09:15] Thank you so much for being here.

[00:09:16] Thank you for taking your relationship seriously, and do be sure to come back tomorrow for more

[00:09:21] content.

[00:09:22] That's where your optimal life awaits.