2205: As a Single Parent, I Didn’t Have the Luxury of Dealing with Depression by Leah Campbell with Healthline on Parenting

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[00:00:50] These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2205. As a single parent, I didn't have the luxury of dealing with depression. By Leah Campbell with Healthline.com

[00:01:09] Hello everybody, I'm Greg Audino. Welcome to ORD, which is a podcast focused on sharing some of the best relationship-based research and literature around so that you can learn from the best and feel more inspired in your own relationships.

[00:01:24] And now let's get to today's post as we optimize your life. As a single parent, I didn't have the luxury of dealing with depression. By Leah Campbell with Healthline.com It came over me most often at night, after my little girl was in bed.

[00:01:43] It came after my computer was shut down, after my work was put away, and the lights were turned out. That's when the suffocating waves of grief and loneliness hit hardest, coming at me again and again, threatening to pull me under and drown me in my own tears.

[00:01:59] I'd dealt with depression before, but in my adult life, this was surely the most relentless bout I had experienced. Of course, I knew why I was depressed. Life had gotten hard, confusing, and scary. A friend had taken his life, and everything else spiraled downward from there.

[00:02:17] My relationships all seemed to be breaking apart. Old wounds with my family were coming to the surface. Someone I believed would never leave me just disappeared. And all of it piled on top of me like this weight I couldn't bear to carry anymore.

[00:02:33] If it hadn't been for my daughter, standing on land before me as the waves kept threatening to pull me down, I'm honestly not sure I would have survived it. Not surviving wasn't an option though. As a single mother, I did not have the luxury of falling apart.

[00:02:49] I didn't have the option of breaking. I pushed through depression for my daughter. I know that's why depression hit me most at night. During the day, I had someone relying on me completely.

[00:03:02] There was no other parent waiting in the wings to take over as I worked through my grief. There was no one else to tag in if I was having a bad day.

[00:03:10] There was just this little girl, whom I love more than anything or anyone else in this world, counting on me to keep it together. So I did my best. Every day was a battle. I had limited energy for anyone else.

[00:03:25] But for her, I pushed every ounce of strength I had to the surface. I don't believe I was the best mom in those months. I was certainly not the mom she deserved. But I forced myself out of bed day after day.

[00:03:38] I got on the floor and played with her. I took us out on mommy-daughter adventures. I fought through the fog to show up again and again. I did all of that for her. In some ways, I think being a single mom might have saved me from the darkness.

[00:03:53] Her little light was shining brighter and brighter every day, reminding me of why it was so important to fight through the hurt I was feeling. Each day it was a fight. Let there be no doubt, there was a fight. There was forcing myself back into regular therapy,

[00:04:08] even when finding the hours to do so felt impossible. There was a daily battle with myself to get on the treadmill. The one thing forever capable of clearing my mind, even when all I wanted to do was hide beneath my sheets.

[00:04:22] There was the grueling task of reaching out to friends, admitting how far I'd fallen, and slowly rebuilding the support system I had inadvertently demolished in my haze. This is strength. There were baby steps, and it was hard.

[00:04:38] In so many ways, it was harder because I was a mom. Time for my self-care seemed even more limited than it had been before, but there was also that voice whispering in my head,

[00:04:48] reminding me that this little girl I am so blessed to call my own was counting on me. That voice wasn't always kind. There were moments when my face was soaked in tears, and I looked in the mirror only to hear that voice say, This isn't strength.

[00:05:03] This isn't the woman you want your daughter to see. Logically, I knew that voice was wrong. I knew that even the best mothers fall apart sometimes, and that it's okay for our kids to see us struggle. In my heart, however, I just wanted to be better.

[00:05:18] I wanted to be better for my daughter, because single moms don't have the luxury of breaking. That voice in my head was always quick to remind me how deeply I was falling in my role each time I allowed those tears to fall.

[00:05:31] To be clear, I did spend a fair amount of time in therapy, talking just about that voice. Bottom line Life is hard. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you I had it all figured out.

[00:05:44] I would have told you that the pieces of my life had come together like the pieces of a puzzle, and that everything was as idyllic as I could have possibly imagined. But I'm not perfect. I never will be. I've experienced anxiety and depression.

[00:05:58] I fall apart when things get hard. Luckily, I also have the ability to pull myself out of those traps. I've done it before. I know that if I'm dragged under again, I'll do it again too. I'll pull myself up for my daughter. For both of us.

[00:06:14] I'll do it for our family. Bottom line I'm a single mom, and I don't have the luxury of breaking. You just listened to the post titled As a Single Parent, I Didn't Have the Luxury of Dealing with Depression by Leah Campbell with Healthline.com

[00:06:36] And I'll be right back with my commentary. That's plushcare.com slash weight loss. Hey, it's Kaylee Cuoco for Priceline. Ready to go to your happy place for a happy price? Well, why didn't you say so? Just download the Priceline app right now and save up to 60% on hotels.

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[00:08:07] Slows. Full terms at MintMobile.com. Okay, and thanks to Leah for sharing this post and for being so open in it. Whether or not she's done so on purpose, she's touched upon a well-researched way of managing feelings of depression. And that is channeling our energy towards helping others,

[00:08:23] helping causes greater than ourselves. Now make no mistake, this should not come at the cost of taking up our own space and ignoring our feelings. But the idea is that a lot of our negative feelings are the result of focusing so much on what's wrong

[00:08:38] in our own lives and how to climb out of our own respective holes. So when we look outside ourselves, whilst not completely neglecting ourselves, it can help us to detach from our own struggles just enough and find fulfillment in helping others

[00:08:55] as opposed to seeking fulfillment just by helping ourselves. This might mean donating to a good cause, or volunteer work, helping a friend with something they're struggling with, or even showing up for your daughter's well-being day after day, as is the case for Leah.

[00:09:11] Something to think about as we wrap up another episode of ORD. Thanks a lot for tuning in everyone, not just today but every day. And I'll be back again tomorrow with another parenting post. That's where your optimal life awaits.