2214: [Part 2] Look On The Bright Side: 7 Secrets To Raising Optimistic Kids by Jen of This Time of Mine on Motherhood

[00:00:00] Now, before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal development and minimalism, money, health, relationships, and more. So, to optimize your life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app.

[00:00:15] Now, onto the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2214. Look on the bright side. Seven Secrets to Raising Optimistic Kids, part two, by Jen of thistimeofmine.com. Hello, everybody. Happy Friday and welcome back to ORD. My name is Greg Audino, your host and

[00:00:36] narrator of the show. And today I'll be jumping right back into a great post we began yesterday. Be sure to check out yesterday's episode if you haven't yet so that you can get caught up.

[00:00:46] But if you have already done so, then let's look ahead to part two as we continue optimizing your life. Look on the bright side. Seven Secrets to Raising Optimistic Kids, part two, by Jen of thistimeofmine.com. 3. Optimists Know How to Look for the Good

[00:01:09] Mr. Rogers once said that when he was a boy and would see scary things on the news, his mother would say to him, look for the helpers. You'll always find people who are helping.

[00:01:21] In other words, there is always good to be found. We just have to look for it. Like many, my kids were disappointed with the way the school year was going in 2020 when they couldn't be in school full time with their friends. So as a family, we'd actively

[00:01:35] looked for good things in the world around us, as well as things we'd been able to do together that we normally wouldn't be able to. Optimism is a muscle and it requires repetitive effort to stay

[00:01:46] strong. We can help our kids by pointing out things like nature's beauty, the kindness we see in people, alternatives when plans don't work, and other things that might normally be hard to see when they're feeling down. After a while, they'll get better at noticing the good on their

[00:02:03] own. 4. Optimists are Helpers Service is a reliable mood booster and is one of the best ways to get our minds off of ourselves. But it's not always easy for kids to initiate, especially when they're feeling down. We can help

[00:02:19] our kids become natural helpers by providing a good example for them to follow. We can also teach them to notice others and to look for everyday opportunities to help. Here are a few ideas. Doing chores, working on projects as a family, serving in the community, performing random acts

[00:02:38] of kindness, and practicing gratitude. 5. Optimists Know What They're Capable Of A few years ago, I read Mindset, a book by Dr. Carol Dweck, and it completely changed my outlook on growth and potential. In the book, she explores the differences between growth mindset and fixed

[00:02:58] mindset, and how the way we think directly determines our ability to improve. Growth mindset is now something I actively teach my children, because I know how it affects their ability to remain optimistic. Rebecca Lewick from Big Life Journal explains it this way.

[00:03:16] A willingness to confront challenges, a passion for learning, and viewing failure as a springboard for growth are all characteristics associated with a growth mindset. Not surprisingly, this type of mindset is strongly linked to greater happiness and achievement in life.

[00:03:35] In other words, if we want our kids to be more optimistic, they need to know they are capable of raising the bar of what they can achieve. It's within their control. And if they do fail at something, it'll be okay, because they'll know they can bounce back.

[00:03:50] 6. Optimists Have Their Needs Met Fact. It's easier for kids to be optimistic when they feel good. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we all have needs that drive our behavior. And in order to fulfill the higher, more meaningful needs, such as security

[00:04:08] and inner potential, we must first meet our lower-level needs. So to help our kids in their journey toward being more optimistic, we can't overlook their most basic needs – eating, sleeping, and moving their bodies. The second thing we can do is fill their emotional cups

[00:04:25] through meaningful interactions. This type of connection, no matter how brief, helps our kids grow in confidence and resilience. It also builds their sense of security. Tina Bryson and Dan Segal, authors of The Power of Showing Up, teach this using the four S's. Dr. Bryson says,

[00:04:45] quote, When children feel safe, seen – being known and understood – and soothed – being helped to feel calm and good again, most of the time, not perfectly, they develop security, where their brain wires to expect that people will see their needs and show up for them. End quote.

[00:05:06] Dr. Segal goes on to say, quote, Happiness is a skill you can develop, not just a function of your temperament or circumstance. End quote. I love using this approach as a parent because it helps

[00:05:19] me know that I don't have to be perfect to be a positive influence for my children's inner happiness. It also helps me understand that happiness and optimism can grow in anyone. 7. Optimistic kids have optimistic parents. Kids are naturally pretty optimistic,

[00:05:38] but they need continued guidance from us to stay on that path. When we complain constantly, over-dramatize stories, dwell on the negative, and give in to our own failures, we're sending the wrong message to our kids. But when we actively try to remain positive in a healthy way

[00:05:56] and set a clear example of kindness in our lives, our impact can be profound. Our kids are always watching, whether we realize it or not. But like Dr. Bryson says, it's about being reliable, not perfect. The more we aim to see the bright side,

[00:06:12] the easier and more natural it will become. And it doesn't take much for our positive behavior to start rubbing off on our kids, raising their ability to be optimistic too. Raising Optimistic Kids in a Pessimistic World

[00:06:26] Now more than ever, our kids need to learn how to bounce back from setbacks. And as parents, one of the greatest things we can teach our kids is to find happiness in any situation. That's not to say they won't experience disappointment, stress, and other big emotions.

[00:06:42] Of course they will. But they will have the required skills to find a way past difficulty. And that's much more powerful than being able to avoid difficulty altogether. So to recap, here are the 7 secrets to raising optimistic kids.

[00:06:58] Optimists understand they don't always have to find a silver lining, develop a positive vocabulary, know how to look for the good, are helpers, know what they're capable of, have their needs met, and have optimistic parents. You just listened to part 2 of the post titled,

[00:07:22] Look on the Bright Side – 7 Secrets to Raising Optimistic Kids by Jen of thistimeofmine.com. And be sure to stay tuned for my commentary in just a minute. And thank you so much to Jen for a great finish.

[00:07:36] One thought on her last bullet point about the need for optimistic parents. Don't forget that it's no better for you to put an act on for yourself than it is to put an act on for your kids.

[00:07:47] As this article touched upon, sometimes you will be feeling down or negative, and that's okay. These moments should not necessarily be hidden entirely from your children. So much of what Jen has taught us in this post is about resilience,

[00:08:02] and kids will learn resilience best from watching you overcome your own setbacks. So what I'm saying is, you must allow yourself to showcase different feelings, difficult feelings, pessimism, when they come up. But also showcase your ability to allow that and overcome it as best you can,

[00:08:21] maybe explaining the process to your kids along the way. This is likely to teach them that they don't need to be afraid of negative feelings, even more than just telling them that will. But with that, we have reached the end for now everybody.

[00:08:34] Thanks a lot for tuning in both today and yesterday to listen to this article in its entirety. I hope you enjoyed it and took something from it. Enjoy your Friday and be sure to come back and join us over the weekend for more content.

[00:08:46] That's where your optimal life awaits.