2219: Why Being Honest Is Better than Being Nice by Allison Fallon of No Sidebar on How to Be More Authentic

[00:00:00] Zeit, deine Stadt in vollen Zügen zu genießen. Heute geht's mit deinen Freunden in deine Lieblingsbar. Lass dein Auto zu Hause stehen. Ganz einfach Fahrt buchen und unterwegs die anderen einsammeln. Über die Funktion Zwischenstops. So spart ihr Zeit und Geld.

[00:00:14] Klick aufs Banner und buche deine Fahrt. Bequem durch deine Stadt. Mit der Uber App. Uber vermittelt Fahrten und ist kein Beförderer. Why Being Honest is Better Than Being Nice. By Alison Fallon of Nosidebar.com

[00:01:03] Consider how being too nice might kill your spirit, your career, your life and your relationships. Few things in life are more trapping than the feeling of having things you want, no, need, to say to your boss, your friend, your significant other, your co-worker, your roommate, your neighbor.

[00:01:22] And yet, the words just won't come out. You've said it to yourself, under your breath as you're walking away, written in an angry email, vented to your mom, who couldn't care less about what your roommate did to you anyway.

[00:01:34] It's that when it comes time to say it to their face, you just can't bring yourself to do it. After all, if you can't think of anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all, right? Well, not necessarily.

[00:01:49] We glorify niceness as if it is the highest virtue someone could possibly hold in society. But is niceness always best? Or does nice sometimes lead to passive aggression, unspoken bitterness and just downright lying? Research seems to show the latter.

[00:02:06] Have you ever had a situation with a friend or co-worker where they suddenly change how they're treating you and you have no idea why? Don't you run over the options in your mind? Like, maybe you said something that offended them.

[00:02:18] Or maybe they're jealous about the raise you just got that they wanted. Or maybe you accidentally sent them a text message that was meant for someone else. Suddenly you're making up scenarios that didn't even happen, just to explain their sudden strange change of behavior.

[00:02:33] Wouldn't it help if they just said what they were thinking? But too often this is not what happens. Too often we talk around the subject, trying to quietly coerce or manipulate, so that we can get exactly what we want without having to hurt anyone's feelings.

[00:02:48] Trust me, I am the worst at this. That's how I know. We get away with this by labeling it as nice. But is it really nice? Or would it be nicer to simply clear up the confusion by saying what we actually think?

[00:03:03] Several studies show that there is such a thing as being too nice. In the workplace, in our relationships, in our lives. I can affirm this research, personally, seeing as how I've spent way too much of my life being way too nice at the expense of speaking my mind.

[00:03:19] The result is toxic. It includes a general sense of helplessness over your circumstances and feelings of confusion and distress. It even steals opportunities of growth. So the solution? Well, the solution is not to be mean.

[00:03:34] Being rude just for the sake of being rude is not only arrogant and narcissistic, it's also no more productive than being nice just for the sake of being nice. But the solution is to learn to speak objectively and honestly about the realities we experience,

[00:03:49] regardless of how uncomfortable this might make people, including us. If being too nice has been a struggle for you, consider what it might look like to speak your mind, even in small ways. Consider the peace and freedom you might be missing,

[00:04:05] and the opportunities you might be stealing from the people around you by trying to be so nice all of the time that you don't say what you think. No sidebar at work. One of the most tangible dangers of being too nice in the workplace

[00:04:19] is you can stunt your growth and development and lose the respect of the people around you. Being nice is a nice quality for a while, but over the long haul, it isn't what gets results. And as much as we could make a case for being nice online,

[00:04:32] a simple scan of popular online content shows that being nice doesn't always pay. In fact, sometimes being nice comes off as boring or lukewarm. Copy that sings is usually copy that tells the truth, whether that truth is nice or not. No sidebar at home.

[00:04:51] Although honesty might not be the easy route to take in the present, in the future you'll be glad you did. Honesty builds trust with your kids, with your significant other, with your friends. Trust is the foundation of every healthy relationship.

[00:05:05] You should know if you've set a pattern of being dishonest to protect the peace in your relationships, honesty often breeds anger. Just because someone doesn't respond well to your truthfulness at first doesn't mean it's not the right thing. No sidebar in your soul.

[00:05:21] One area where it seems to pay to be more kind is to yourself, and this at times comes at the expense of other people. You should know though, there's a distinct difference between being nice and being kind. It might pay not only to learn the difference,

[00:05:35] but also to practice being more kind to others and to ourselves. Maybe the answer is to practice something altogether different from nice and mean. Being assertive, which includes demonstrating a healthy level of confidence, being direct and honest,

[00:05:50] and staying in control of your emotions so you can negotiate and compromise. You just listened to the post titled Why being honest is better than being nice by Alison Fallon of nosidebar.com And such a great post from Alison, definitely one that's important for me to be reading

[00:06:11] as I am definitely in a phase in which I'm making a concerted effort to not be such a people pleaser and instead trust in that, well number one, it's crucial for me to be more upfront about what I want sometimes and number two,

[00:06:26] that others will adapt to this and I don't need to take responsibility for their feelings by mistakenly thinking that they will suffer a lot if my desires go against their desires. Again, very critical for me personally right now. I don't know about you,

[00:06:40] but do consider that each time you choose to be nice instead of honest or assertive, you're hiding a little part of yourself. Each time we opt to not express ourselves truly, a small part of us gets put away, often with a dose of shame and until it's released

[00:06:58] and while other instances of dishonesty pile up too, we build more and more resentment towards our true selves because the part of ourselves that we're silencing gets bigger and bigger. That's more stress to carry. That's getting into a rhythm of quickly assessing how to silence ourselves

[00:07:15] and it distances us from not only our true selves, but therefore the truest relationships we could be having with people because we're holding back. So, you know, it may feel like a small insignificant and even a good thing to just shut up and be nice sometimes

[00:07:30] and perhaps it does have its time and place, but make no mistake that we keep records of these even subconsciously and they add up and they take us away from who we really are.

[00:07:42] So be very careful and very mindful each time you find yourself not speaking your truth because again, it can pile up for the worse very quietly. Okay, enough from me folks. Sorry if I scared you there, but this article is really important.

[00:07:56] It certainly feels that way to me especially again because it's catching me at the right moment in time. I hope you liked it though and that you gained something from it. It's time for me to get out of here,

[00:08:05] but be sure to come back tomorrow where I will have another post for you and where your optimal life awaits.