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Episode 2222:
Adina Soclof's insights on managing a child's so-called manipulative behavior emphasize understanding their perspective and setting empathetic limits. By recognizing children's developmental stages and staying firm yet compassionate, parents can create a more harmonious home environment.
Read along with the original article(s) here: https://parentingsimply.com/the-manipulative-child-how-to-regain-control/ & https://parentingsimply.com/summertime-madness-how-to-manage-misbehavior/
Quotes to ponder:
"My child really wants that toy. He is using everything in his power to try to get that toy. He is really working hard at that!"
"You really want that toy. It looks like so much fun. We won’t be buying any toys today."
"Once you’ve acknowledged your child’s very real desire for whatever it is he wants, give yourself permission to say 'NO' to them."
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[00:00:00] Das ist Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2222. Das ist Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2222. Das ist Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2222. Some kids are quite creative in finding ways to wear their parents down. Children will often argue with their parents to get that new toy, extra time playing video
[00:01:17] games or to get a chance to watch an inappropriate movie. They will use every tactic in the book to get what they want. Manipulation is the word we often use to describe this behavior. However, I'm sure you are not surprised if you've been following my blog for a
[00:01:33] while that I hesitate to use the word manipulated or to label a child as manipulative. Children are just trying to get their needs met. They're fighting for what they want. Developmentally, children are egocentric and impulsive.
[00:01:47] It's hard to hear no, and for a child who is not acquired in adult's wisdom, it's also hard to understand why a parent is saying no. Therefore, they will use any means in their power to pursue their desires.
[00:02:01] We can refer to this behavior as manipulation, but that just gives a negative spin to very normal behavior. Put yourself in your child's shoes. It's best to just say to yourself, my child really wants that toy. He's using everything in his power to try to get that toy.
[00:02:19] He's really working hard at that. Wow, he's really hooked on that video game. It's so hard for him to have to put it away. I know when I'm playing solitaire on my phone, I like to finish the game before I have to do anything else.
[00:02:33] He really wants to go to that movie. He's using every logical argument to get me to agree. All his friends must be going. He probably feels left out. You can say no. Once you've acknowledged your child's very real desire for whatever it is he wants,
[00:02:50] give yourself permission to say no to them. It's not fun, but it's part of your job as a parent. It's important to set limits and maintain your rules. That means that you need to withstand all their attempts to sway you.
[00:03:04] When we understand that this is what is best for our kids, we will be strong enough to stand up to their manipulative behavior. The best way to set limits As always, my formula for setting limits is stating the rule with empathy. You really want that toy.
[00:03:20] It looks like so much fun. We won't be buying any toys today. You really want to continue playing your video game. It's hard to stop. Video time is over. It sounds like it's important for you to go to this movie.
[00:03:34] It can be tough if all your friends are going. The answer is still no. Feel free to keep on repeating all of this. You'll probably have to. Children don't usually go down without a fight, especially if their arguments have worked in the past.
[00:03:49] These phrases will keep you focused, help you avoid power struggles and finally achieve peace in your home. It's the summertime and with it comes lots of downtime. The best thing about summer is that we loosen up our schedules.
[00:04:15] The worst thing about summer is that we loosen up our schedules. As you can see, I have a love-hate relationship with routine. One of the toughest things about being helter-skelter about our days is kids love it and hate it too.
[00:04:29] It's easier for kids to follow directions and cooperate when they know what to expect. In the summer, when things are all over the place and our schedule is not set, kids have a harder time complying.
[00:04:41] When shower time is at 7pm one day and 9pm the next day, it can get confusing for everyone. So what can we do to help our kids behave this summer? Here are three things that might help. Number 1. Lose your expectations.
[00:04:57] We all know that it's harder for kids to comply and cooperate during the summer, but it still makes us mad. If we're more realistic and change our expectations of our kids, we will all be a lot happier.
[00:05:09] That might mean kids going to bed without showering, having cereal for dinner and overlooking the fact that you have told your child to get into bed and he is still playing in the family room. Number 2. Have a plan.
[00:05:23] It's helpful to sit down with your kids and say, I know it's the summer and we all want to enjoy our vacation, but there are still things that need to get done every day.
[00:05:32] We can then make a very loose schedule of the jobs kids are required to do, discuss new bedtimes and set limits for electronic time. Will the rules get enforced? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but it's a good idea to outline them anyway. And number 3. Be kind about the crankiness.
[00:05:52] When kids have been going the whole day and they're tired and hot, they get pretty cranky. I know I do. Whining, crying and squabbling sets in. We can say, summer days and fun in the sun can be tiring for everyone.
[00:06:07] Let's get a drink, cool off and take a break. Maybe that will help. I can't wait for the summer to begin, and I know that I hate for the summer to end, but deep down in September I am sort of relieved to get back on a regular schedule.
[00:06:26] You just listened to the posts titled, The Manipulative Child – How to Regain Control and Summertime Madness – How to Manage Misbehavior, both by Adina Sokolov of ParentingSimply.com and I'll be back in a second with my commentary.
[00:06:43] All right and thanks a lot to Adina for these very timely and well-paired articles. This episode certainly reminded me of how I'd act up as a kid in the summertime, all the excitement.
[00:06:55] But I will say that all these years later, summer vacations make for some of the best memories of my childhood, both for me and my parents. And that's one other bullet point I might add to her article about summertime madness.
[00:07:10] Some of the beauty of it is how chaotic it can be. Chaos that is likely to scale over time and how appreciated it is. So if it's hard for you to drop your plan or your expectations or be kind about crankiness,
[00:07:24] consider the summer from this perspective and see what that does for you. But that'll do it for today, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in and making another episode possible. Enjoy your Friday if you're listening in real time.
[00:07:35] And I'll see you again tomorrow for more ORD, where your optimal life awaits.