2228: Treating Strangers Like Friends by Tynan

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[00:01:30] life. Treating Strangers Like Friends by Tynan of Tynan.com When you travel with someone for a year or two, you pick up their habits. One of my friend Todd's habits that I most admire and am thankful to have picked up is the practice of treating

[00:01:51] strangers like friends. When he goes to a restaurant and the waiter asks him how he is, he tells him what's going on in his life and returns the question in such a way that it

[00:02:01] obligates a genuine response. When we leave a restaurant, everyone we know gets a hug. I get nostalgic, mostly for times I wasn't alive for, like the middle ages, and more relevantly like the days before computers and cell phones when neighbors actually

[00:02:17] recognized each other and maybe even talked to each other. Shopkeepers were called shopkeepers and they knew their customers by name. Their conversations extended beyond a scripted sales pitch for a rip-off extended warranty. I miss these times, because I've seen them in movies

[00:02:34] and I've read about them in books, not because I've really experienced them. Simple habits can be profound. One such habit that is more important than ever is to treat strangers like friends. Facebook, cell phones and other quote-unquote social technologies have done to friendship

[00:02:53] what laminate floor did for hardwood floors. It made things easier and more accessible, but did so at the cost of substance. In fact, this is happening in pretty much every area of life. Something I've realized more fully now as I'm trying to live with substance. It's almost

[00:03:09] impossible. So I try to treat everyone as though they're a real person, just in case they actually are. Unfortunately, I can't answer all of my emails anymore, but when I do, I try to write

[00:03:21] to the person as if they are my friend, rather than use stock replies, which I could do since a lot of the things people write about are similar. Once in a while, I even fill someone

[00:03:32] in on secret future plans or send them a draft of something. When interacting with random people in everyday life, I make an effort to actually listen to them and to talk about things that they

[00:03:43] may not have talked about with every person they've interacted with that day. There are benefits to doing this, by the way. I'm hesitant to bring this up because I think some people, especially those with a cursory but existent awareness of pickup, might assume that this is

[00:03:57] a ploy for self-gain. And it sort of is. It feels good to make other people feel good. If I got punched in the face every time I did it, or really even occasionally, I would probably stop.

[00:04:10] That's the main reason I do it. Treat someone like a real person and they feel good. Treat you a real person in return and you feel good just like them. Beyond that, I'm willing to go farther

[00:04:22] out of my way for a friend than I am for a stranger. So are other people. A few weeks ago, a friend and I were driving to Fern Canyon in Northern California. It was late and our plan

[00:04:33] was to camp there in the RV overnight and hike in the morning. When we finally arrived, a park ranger pulled us over and told us that the campsites were all full. We'd have to drive 20

[00:04:44] miles back to the nearest town and find somewhere to stay. We didn't argue or storm off, but instead we chatted with him for a minute about the hike, what our plans were,

[00:04:53] and how psyched we were to be there. He said, tell you what, go back to the stop sign and take a right. There's a parking lot there. It says no overnight parking. But I'll cut you a break and

[00:05:07] let you stay there tonight. Without any sort of request or deception, we got a perfect place to camp and didn't have to pay the $35 fee. We treated him like a friend, and in return he did

[00:05:20] us a favor like he would a friend. I have about a million other stories like this too. In the Dominican Republic, I chatted with a family in the airport and they ended up driving me to the

[00:05:30] city and inviting me to come to their beach house. When my RV broke down, a waitress at Samovar invited me to stay at her place. My Japanese tutor is now my friend and is planning

[00:05:40] a trip to Japan with my friends and I. The shop my RV gets repaired at voluntarily lowers their rates and cuts hours off the job. The formula to happiness is not a simple one, but a component

[00:05:53] of it is certainly being treated like a human being and not a robot. Give that to other people and you'll receive it back. You just listened to the post titled, Treating Strangers Like Friends by Tynan of tynan.com and I'll be back in just a sec with my

[00:06:13] comments. And a big thank you to Tynan for this post, one that I am in full support of as a tool for both interpersonal growth as well as intrapersonal growth. And why intrapersonal? How can this approach to interactions with strangers help us grow as individuals with

[00:06:30] our self-awareness? Well, for several reasons really, but perhaps the strongest one is the fact that it promotes mindfulness. What Tynan has described is a form of meditation. We're being intentional with people, listening intently and very present in the moment. This

[00:06:47] is how we slow our lives down, because the more we flex this muscle, the stronger it becomes. Presence and intentionality with strangers helps us develop presence and intentionality with people we're familiar with and even when we're alone. It's ultimately a form

[00:07:04] of slowing life down and limiting distractions and embracing that which comes to us. So maybe stereotypical meditation is not for you. Maybe you don't like silence. Maybe you don't like

[00:07:17] going for long walks alone in the woods. But you do like the idea of what these practices can bring. Well, if that's you and having conversations like these feels more manageable or more encouraging,

[00:07:29] try it out and see how wonderful the ripple effects are. Okay, and with that we have reached the end for today everybody. Thank you so much for joining and making another episode possible. I hope you're having a great day and that you'll choose to tune in again tomorrow,

[00:07:42] where I will have another post for you and where your optimal life awaits.