2236: 7 Keys for Moving on After Divorce or a Break Up by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Love in 90 Days on Marriage Advice

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2236. 7 Keys for Moving on After Divorce or a Break Up by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Lovein90days.com. Hello everybody and thanks a lot for joining me for another episode of ORD.

[00:00:18] I'm your host Greg Audino and this is where I read to you daily from different blogs that address relationships and their many facets. Today's read comes courtesy of Dr. Diana Kirschner who will be sharing some of her tips for how

[00:00:29] to move on from a difficult breakup or divorce. So listen closely as we start the article now and optimize your life. 7 Keys for Moving on After Divorce or a Break Up by Dr. Diana Kirschner of Lovein90days.com.

[00:00:49] Have you tried to move on after a divorce or breakup? Moving on after a divorce or breakup is not easy. Just ask Kate. Kate is a wonderful, blue-eyed marketing professional just shy of 40. Five years ago, her then-husband announced he wanted a divorce.

[00:01:08] Then she discovered he had been cheating with one particular woman, sending her whole life into a topsy-turvy. All the plans they made to have kids and get a vacation home in Hawaii dissipated, disappeared, just like that. And Kate was left to move back to her hometown.

[00:01:25] As I'm sure you can imagine, Kate was devastated. But she pulled herself together bit by bit and has now created an amazing life. She did some therapy to help heal the divorce, made new friends, reached a new level in her career, even bought an amazing house.

[00:01:43] The only thing missing was love. Kate truly wants to find someone and is frustrated. She's the first to admit that most of the guys she meets aren't good enough, and the ones she really likes, well, they aren't exactly single.

[00:01:57] After years of therapy and working on herself, she wonders what's blocking her from love. Can you relate? Does it feel like you've tried everything to get over that divorce or breakup, but your ex is quietly haunting you? Kate tries a relationship coach.

[00:02:13] On the recommendation of a friend, Kate recently started working with one of my expertly trained love mentor dating coaches. It's been just a few sessions now, but things are already starting to shift in Kate's dating life.

[00:02:25] For the first time in years, she's beginning to feel optimistic about men and marriage. That's why I was inspired to write this post for you. 7 Key Steps for Moving On After Divorce or Heartbreak 1. Get Support Kate did the right thing by doing some therapy around her divorce.

[00:02:45] Just be sure to choose a therapist who is more action-oriented. Don't spend countless sessions just analyzing your breakup. You're not going to make a lot of progress that way. If that's happening, it may be time to find a new therapist or coach. 2.

[00:03:00] Surround Yourself with Positive People As it's often said, we are the product of the five people we spend the most time with. So don't spend a lot of time around women who are always complaining about men and divorce. Simply put, you will absorb some of that negative energy.

[00:03:17] Don't you have enough of that blackness already? I highly recommend that you find fun friends. Women who are happily dating or have been through a divorce and are now happily remarried. 3. Focus on Becoming Your Best Self After heartbreak, you may start to define

[00:03:34] yourself as rejected or damaged goods. This is so not true. Remember, you get to determine how you perceive things. What if this was a whole new opportunity to create an incredible, refreshing life? Also remember that you are not alone in having lost someone close. All of us have.

[00:03:53] Besides, divorce is incredibly common. There's nothing wrong with you. So right now I want you to make a list of what you want most for yourself. What would make you beam with happiness? A makeover? Some new clothes? Who do you want to be? More generous? More fun?

[00:04:12] How can you live into that? 4. Try Something Totally, Completely New Always wanted to go blonde? Dreamed about a trip to Africa? Has a marathon been on your bucket list for ages? Wish you could get a dog? Now is the time to take some action. Make a list.

[00:04:31] Commit to doing something new every month. 5. Date for fun and against type Give up seeing every potential date as a future husband who could break your heart. This only leads you to start analyzing him and the relationship. Right now, accept any offer that seems fun.

[00:04:51] Commit to dating around this way for a few months. Tell each guy on the second date that you like them but just want to let them know you've made a promise to yourself to date around for a while.

[00:05:02] Not only will this help you relax, it will inspire the right guy to step up and pursue. 6. Give up comparisons Every time you find yourself comparing a guy to your ex, stop. Remember, you cannot know someone in just a handful of dates. 7.

[00:05:21] Create a love intention What do you want when it comes to a relationship? For example, I meet a loyal, fun-loving, supportive man and we are in a true partnership with extraordinary love. Practice a daily love affirmation like that and see where it takes you.

[00:05:43] You just listened to the post titled, 7 Keys for Moving On After Divorce or a Breakup by Dr. Diana Kirshner of Lovein90days.com and be sure to stick around for my commentary coming up in just a minute. And thanks a lot to Dr. Diana for this post.

[00:06:01] Needless to say, there is a lot that we can take away from this one. But one part I'd like to add to was her note about how important it is to surround yourself with positive people given this idea about how we're a blend of the five people we

[00:06:13] spend the most time around, which is an idea that's always really interested me. But bear in mind that positivity is not the only attribute you want to look for in people, nor is it necessarily the first attribute you want to look for, depending on what you're

[00:06:27] going through and if you're trying to leverage the people around you to accomplish a certain something. For example, if you're trying to overcome a breakup or divorce and are also reloading your social contacts, you might want to emphasize looking for people who have been through or

[00:06:44] are going through something similar. People who are particularly independent, people who like to try new things, etc. While a lot of these attributes and similar ones are sort of positivity adjacent, there's much more to them than that, and you're less likely to be around people who just promote

[00:07:02] positivity but don't actually live it. So some things to think about today, but we have reached the end so we're going to sign off here. Thank you as always for tuning in folks, I hope you enjoyed this one and have taken something from it.

[00:07:15] Enjoy the rest of your day and be sure to stop in again tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.