2250: How Respect Makes Us Better Humans by Dr. Jenny Brockis on Interpersonal Relationships

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2250, How Respect Makes Us Better Humans by Dr. Jenny Brockis of Dr. JennyBrockis.com

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello everybody and welcome to a new week of ORD. I'm your host and narrator Greg Audino.

[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_00]: With you today to share and comment on an article that addresses respect, how it makes us better,

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_00]: how to build it, and how to interpret it. So with that let's get right to today's post as we optimize your life.

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_00]: How Respect Makes Us Better Humans by Dr. Jenny Brockis of Dr. JennyBrockis.com

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Quote, Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love. That's by Miguel Angel Ruiz.

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_00]: The word respect is derived from the Latin word respectus, meaning attention, consideration,

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_00]: or regard. When someone dies we pay our respects. We celebrate their life and share our thoughts

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00]: and memories about what we admired about that person, their qualities, and strengths.

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_00]: We seek respect for ourselves and our own lives too, because it shows we've been acknowledged as a

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_00]: fellow human being, that we're valued, and it makes us feel accepted for who we are.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00]: But too often showing respect for others goes missing in action. Overlooked because we were too

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: busy to notice or hear the cheery good morning from our colleague, to disengage to really sense

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00]: the intensity of the pain of a friend who shared how they'd been racially abused on the bus on the

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: way to work. Too tired to care how our snappy and dismissive response to the effort of the most junior

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: member of the team seeking to add to their contribution to an important project was hurtful

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00]: and unwarranted. Respect enables us to shine as individuals because it provokes strong,

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00]: positive emotions. How does feeling respected make you feel? Happy? Energized? Honored? Important?

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_00]: How does that impact how you show up every day and how you interact with others?

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Respect elevates our sense of significance, and that self-image, how we are perceived by others,

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_00]: matters to us a great deal, even though we often try to pretend it doesn't.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00]: In his book, The Social Cognitive Neuroscience of Leading Organizational Change,

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_00]: don't let the title put you off, it's a very good read, Neuroscientist Robert A. Cinder shares

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_00]: his belief that our self-image is the lens through which we perceive all of our social needs

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: and determines our behavior. I'm often reminded of Eleanor Roosevelt's quote,

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: what other people think of you is none of your business, which I think can be helpful in the

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: short term if we feel slighted, have heard others speaking unkindly about us, or have

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00]: received an unpleasant text or tweet. But while distancing ourselves from the source of our pain

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: can be helpful initially, it doesn't lead to changing the behavior of the person or persons that

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: caused it. By choosing to stay quiet and ignoring disrespectful behavior, this type of social abuse

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: while aboard ends up being tolerated. When this happens at a societal level,

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: where difference is deliberately treated as justification to inflict social pain,

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: it creates a social divide and a sense of injustice. Simmering tensions bubble up to the

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_00]: surface from time to time, but unless it's addressed, we're stoking the fire of discontent.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: If you've ever gotten really angry with someone, you may recall how what started as a mild

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: disagreement rapidly disintegrated into a very loud and unpleasant slanging match,

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00]: spittle and unkind words stinging our face and our psyche. It's unpleasant and exhausting

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: on both sides. Add in the extras of fear, uncertainty and stress, and the intensity of

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: that outburst now raises to the next level. Showing respect builds social cohesion.

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Dr. Ellen Weber, director of the MITA Brain-Based Center, works in the area of raising motivation

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and innovation using a brain-based approach to learning and leading. She talks about how

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00]: social fairness and respect encourages trust, a growth-oriented mindset, and strengthens our

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00]: desire to connect, contribute and collaborate. This is because when you receive praise,

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_00]: feel supported or encouraged, this boosts levels of serotonin and oxytocin in your brain.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: The difference this makes on a daily basis is when you enjoy the respect of your

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00]: colleagues and boss at work, you're more likely to arrive with the positive

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00]: anticipation of having a good day. If you're good at your job and enjoy what you do,

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: the thing that will keep you at this job will be less about the money, though that does help of

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00]: course, and more about the relationships you have with those around you. The 2015 Society of

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Human Resource Management Survey found respectful treatment to be the most important factor

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: in job satisfaction. This is social intelligence at work, the ability to know and understand

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00]: ourselves well enough to also understand how we influence and impact others.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: The benefits of respect. Showing respect to others is contagious, moreover it has a

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: number of other benefits. Respect builds engagement. Working for a respected leader

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: has been linked to an increase of 15% in engagement according to a white paper by Jossel,

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_00]: and respect comes from consistently demonstrating your competence, integrity,

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00]: humility, and transparency. While feeling respected by your manager or leader is one of

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00]: the four basic needs to feel good and perform better as revealed by Tony Schwartz and Kristen

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Porath in their 2014 survey. It promotes psychological safety. Respect provides us with

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00]: security. It feels safe to speak up, share ideas, and knowledge. It also enhances a sense of

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: fairness. A respectful working environment does not tolerate harassment or bullying.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And it provides the freedom to be you. When you have respect, you can be true to yourself and

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: your own identity. There's no need to try to fit in or be someone you're not.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Building respect looks like sharing all your toys, taking responsibility for your own mistakes,

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: saying hello with a genuine smile and eye contact, saying sorry and meaning it, asking for help,

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: playing fair, being inclusive, listening more than you speak, and being empathetic.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Building respect for ourselves, for our friends, family, and colleagues demonstrates our humanity.

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: It makes us better human beings. That's good for us. It's good for business,

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00]: and it's good for our communities. It contributes to building a thriving mind.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled, How Respect Makes Us Better Humans.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00]: by drjennybrockus of drjennybrockus.com

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'll be back in just a sec with my commentary. A big thank you to Dr. Jenny for this one.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And to me, one interesting thing about the relationship that many of us have with respect

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00]: is that we often tend to think of it as all or nothing. We might rely too much on a first

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: impression. We might not see beyond a particular attribute of any given person.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00]: We might latch on to one seemingly irreconcilable act that we feel they've committed

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: and forever lose respect for them. Or sometimes the opposite. These small sample sizes can bring

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00]: us great respect for someone, and we might fail to see parts of them that we'd otherwise

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_00]: not have respect for. But either way, it can often save us to consider the layers people

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00]: have when we are assigning a certain level of respect to them, if you will.

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Our relationships can become threaded more intricately when we do this,

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: because we remember the truths of our own imperfections and how there are so many things

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_00]: that make us us. Maybe your boss, for example, is not a good leader, but she is a great mother.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Just because there isn't professional chemistry doesn't mean you have to let

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_00]: the frustration of that cloud your impression of who she is at her core.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: When you remember that she is caring, she is responsible, she is knowledgeable,

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_00]: she is attentive in another area of life, you can better retain respect for her.

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_00]: You can see her differently and get to know her at a different level,

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_00]: and thereby better positioning yourself to sort out your differences in the workplace.

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_00]: So lots to think about today, and I will leave you two at folks as we wrap things up for now.

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for stopping in as always.

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for doing right by your loved ones by tuning into this show and being willing to learn.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Have a great day, and I hope to see you again tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.