2252: Questioning Loyalty by Shana Olmstead on Relationship Advice

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[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_01]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2252, Questioning Loyalty by Shana Olmstead

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_01]: of ShanaOlmstead.com.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Hello everybody and welcome back to Optimal Relationships Daily or ORD.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host Greg Audino and I am here with you every day reading from blogs that are

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_01]: all written to help you improve your relationships.

[00:01:06] [SPEAKER_01]: In today's post, I really enjoy as it encourages us to think critically about our loyalties

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_01]: and if our commitments to people and things still make sense for us.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_01]: This type of check-in is always highly important if you ask me.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_01]: So let's hear what author Shana Olmstead has to say about it as we optimize your life.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Questioning Loyalty by ShanaOlmstead of ShanaOlmstead.com.

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_01]: We are taught that loyalty means sticking with something or someone, no matter what.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_01]: That we should stick with our tribe and defend our beliefs to the death.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_01]: That to shift or change the loyalties that we've had means that we are giving up

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_01]: or quitting.

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_01]: This can often lead to sticking with things or people in our lives that are no longer good for us.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_01]: It can mean sacrificing ourselves and our energy systems to this idea of loyalty

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_01]: that isn't really relevant or helpful anymore.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying that loyalty is a negative thing.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_01]: It is beautiful to be committed and compassionately involved in people and structures in your life.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying that following the idea of loyalty, without questioning it, is just living unconsciously.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_01]: It's just giving your power away to an old belief that was passed down from a time in which we no longer inhabit.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_01]: This idea was helpful in terms of survival in a tribal way of life.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_01]: If we were disloyal to our tribes thousands of years ago, we would probably die.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_01]: The time and place that we live in now is very different from this.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Although our bodies still have the remembrance of a time when disloyalty may have resulted in real bad consequences, like death.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_01]: In reality, now those things don't really happen.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_01]: In North America, in our current time, there are generally no life or death consequences to questioning the idea of loyalty in many aspects of your life.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_01]: It may feel uncomfortable.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: It may result in a change in your life circumstances or support group.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_01]: It may create a difference in the way you think that you are perceived in the world.

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_01]: It is also the only path to freedom and enlightenment.

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_01]: It is the way to truly know yourself and live authentically.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_01]: It is a necessary part of the yellow brick road of spiritual evolution in your life.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_01]: This loyalty has shown up most often in my experience with clients in terms of family, relationships, and work.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_01]: It is common to have unexamined beliefs of loyalty unconsciously keeping people stuck in old systems and patterns that are no longer conducive to their inner growth.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_01]: This is very common when it comes to family systems.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_01]: We have the idea that we need to have a certain kind of relationship with our family members that sometimes is just not possible.

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_01]: We feel we must do things a certain way or have a holiday in the same place even if our internal guidance really wants us to do something else sometimes.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_01]: In reality, while sometimes family relationships are very fulfilling and mutually energizing, sometimes they're not.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying to completely disengage in these relationships, but I am saying to start paying attention to your energy more

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_01]: and to use it to help guide you on what is good and healthy in these relationships and where and when to set some boundaries.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Some questions to consider when reevaluating your family relationships are,

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: am I interacting with this person out of obligation or do I really want to?

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Am I staying living in my hometown out of guilt instead of moving where I really want to go?

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_01]: How frequently feels good to me to interact with or see my family members?

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_01]: In love relationships as well, loyalty can be a beautiful thing.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_01]: It is inspirational to see couples who have been growing together and beautifully connected for decades.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_01]: When unexamined, however, the idea of staying together forever no matter what can sometimes be detrimental.

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_01]: In extreme examples, when abuse is present, cultivating loyalty for yourself and getting the heck out of that relationship

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_01]: is much more healthy than staying in a dysfunctional marriage.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_01]: It can be harder to know what to do when things are more subtle, however.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Should you stay or go if things aren't abusive but also aren't healthy for you or your partner?

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Starting to ask yourself some questions to open up other possibilities

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_01]: is the place to begin expanding your consciousness about love relationships?

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Questions like, am I in this marriage right now because I am in love and I am growing with this person

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_01]: or only out of this idea of loyalty?

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Am I not expressing my truth in my relationship because I'm worried about being disloyal?

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Am I listening more to my rational brain telling me I need to stay than my own emotional guidance system?

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01]: In work as well as relationships, the idea of loyalty can be both a positive when approached mindfully and examined

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_01]: and a negative when it is unconsciously running your life.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Although as a society we are evolving out of the old system where we were tied to one job or career for our whole working lives,

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_01]: there are still many people who are staying in jobs or careers that no longer serve them out of this idea of loyalty.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01]: This is great for the corporations and systems that employ these super loyal people.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01]: They benefit from this system and they know that their employees will keep putting in 110% no matter how hard it gets.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, this unexamined loyalty is not always healthy for the employee.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Staying in a job and putting in the majority of your waking hours doing anything out of obligation rather than inspiration

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_01]: leads to unhappiness, stress, disharmony and disease in the body.

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Some questions to start with when questioning your job or career loyalties are

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Am I staying in this job because I don't want to let people down

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_01]: or are worried what they might think about me leaving?

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Am I in the career I'm in right now because I really love it

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_01]: or because I'm good at it or have education or training in it?

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Do I feel obligated to do what I do because of other people?

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_01]: It's lovely to commit.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01]: It shows character and maturity to be able to stick with something no matter what.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_01]: It's beautiful to commit to things and people that serve your growth and evolution on a soul level.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It only becomes a problem when that commitment becomes unconscious, blind loyalty.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_01]: We just need to make this loyalty a consciously examined thing.

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Rather than saying to ourselves I have to stay committed,

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_01]: a more evolved way of being is curious.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: What is in my best and highest good in this situation?

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Is this still helping me grow?

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Is this creating happiness and aligned with my frequency?

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_01]: With this conscious questioning we allow the deeper truth of our being

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_01]: to guide us into more alignment with our soul.

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_01]: We must always be loyal and committed to our own energy system.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Our highest and best commitment is always to ourselves and our spiritual evolution.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_01]: In this way we benefit ourselves as well as the collective.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I invite you to commit to find ways every day to express this commitment in loyalty

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_01]: to your own conscious evolution in service of helping all of us evolve.

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_01]: You just listened to the post titled

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Questioning Loyalty by Shayna Olmstead of ShaynaOmstead.com

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'll be back with my comments in just a sec.

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and a big thank you to Shayna for this post.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I really like this one loyalty to people, places, social engagements,

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_01]: rituals, activities, work, etc.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_01]: It's always worth questioning because we absolutely can waste a lot of time on these dedications

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Far past the point that we're involved with them because we're engaged

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_01]: or we know what they're about and we fully believe in our participation.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_01]: But if we've really perfected the questioning of loyalty

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_01]: then we'll also be able to fully grasp the highs and lows of any commitment.

[00:09:16] [SPEAKER_01]: During any lengthy commitment there will be times at which your presence

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_01]: maybe feels obligatory or that there's no growth to be found

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_01]: or what have you.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes these stretches can last quite a while

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_01]: and sometimes we can fall into them and question loyalty

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_01]: and decide to leave before actually working through these issues.

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_01]: So, all this to say for as much as we must question loyalty

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_01]: we must also ask ourselves if we're willing to put in the work

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_01]: to make the loyalty feel good again

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and we must be patient with ourselves

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_01]: and not panic just because abandoning our commitment

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_01]: might feel right for a short period of time or even just in an instant.

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_01]: But that will bring us to the end for today everybody.

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I thank you as always for being here and making this episode possible today.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Have a great Wednesday if you're listening in real time

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'll talk to you again tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.