2253: 3 Ways to Slow Down and Soak it All In by Jay Harrington of Life And Whim on Intentional Living & Parenting

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Now before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like personal

[00:00:04] [SPEAKER_01]: development and minimalism, money, health, relationships and more. So to optimize your

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_01]: life in other areas, just search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app. Now on to the show.

[00:00:17] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily, episode 2253, Three Ways to Slow Down and Soak it All In

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_00]: by Jay Harrington of LifeAndWim.com. Hello everybody and thank you so much for joining us once again on

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00]: O.R.D. I'm your host and narrator Greg Audino and this is where I read to you each day about different

[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_00]: parts of relationship building, adding some of my own commentary as well. On Thursdays and Fridays,

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_00]: we cover parenting content and we will be doing the same today. But I think you'll find that

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00]: this post can be applied to different relationships too, not just parent-child. So listen closely

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_00]: as we dive in now and optimize your life. Three Ways to Slow Down and Soak it All In by Jay Harrington

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_00]: of LifeAndWim.com. I walked into my house on Sunday, grocery bags hanging from my arms,

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_00]: earbuds dangling from my head. I was busy and distracted as I glanced out the back window and

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_00]: saw my wife Heather sitting on the back deck. Except it wasn't Heather, it was my seven

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_00]: year old daughter. And from the view I had, with her light brown hair pulled back in a ponytail,

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I mistook her for Heather. This stuck with me because it's the first time it's happened.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I guess I knew it was coming, but maybe not so soon. That moment where your child reminds you

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00]: more of a teenager than she does a toddler. And it came at a time when I've been struggling

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: a bit with the fact that I haven't felt as dialed in as I should be as a father.

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not that I haven't been spending a lot of time with my kids. I have. We work from home and

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: while our kids are in camp during a good deal of the summer, there's often only a short window

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: of time where Heather and I have time for focused, undistracted work during the day.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not complaining about this setup. It's one of our choosing and it allows us to be more

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: free and flexible with our time. But for me at least, it also creates a circumstance where

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm often straddling the line between work and family. Never fully engaged and never fully withdrawn.

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Busy working and parenting, but not feeling like I'm doing either very well. Time and attention

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: are not the same thing. It's easy for me to dismiss these feelings. I rationalize that my

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: busyness is just a phase and that there is a light field gateway over the horizon

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00]: that will lead to a more balanced existence. It's a tough age with the kids and work is just really

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: busy right now are things I tell myself. I just need to get through this period. I delude myself.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And then moments happen, like mistaking my daughter for my wife, that make me realize

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: that the passage of time is not what cures the problem. It's what exacerbates it.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of recognizing that busyness is a numbing behavior used to suppress an

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: underlying problem, I elevate it to a badge of honor and hide behind my to-do list.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Enough. Time goes too fast. Life marches on whether you're living reactively or intentionally.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Too often I find myself busy without a particular cause. Only two weeks left before

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: school starts up here in Michigan. It's time to hit pause. Pause for self-care.

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Having been through this before, I've come to learn that giving more of myself to my family

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00]: starts with taking better care of myself. If I'm not in a good place, then I can't be there for them

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_00]: either. I have a tendency to fall victim to superhero syndrome, a belief that I can do

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: everything and just power through. But of course I can't and cracks begin to form.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: It's at these moments when it feels like the answer lies in doing more

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: that it's most important to pause, reflect, and take care of yourself first.

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: It may sound paradoxical that the key to being a better parent, spouse, sibling, or friend

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: is to focus more on yourself. Remember though that the objective is not merely spending more time with

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_00]: those we care about but more quality time. We all have different ways to recharge,

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00]: refuel, and reboot. For some it's climbing a mountain. For others it's sitting quietly

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00]: and meditating. For still others it's a ruckus weekend away with friends.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Here are three things that help me hit pause and get a better grip on things when busyness takes

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: over. Number one, making sure my buckets are full. Jonathan Fields wrote a great book called

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: How to Live a Good Life in which he encourages readers to keep their good life buckets full.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00]: The buckets include vitality, focus on the mind and body,

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_00]: connection, focus on relationships, and contribution, how you contribute to the world.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: As Fields explains, quote,

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: The goal with the good life buckets is simple. Do something every day to fill each one.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Keep all three as close to full as possible. The nearer any one bucket gets to empty,

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_00]: the more pain you feel. All three run dry, you die. Figuratively and literally.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: This model, simple as it sounds, is fiercely effective, practical, and powerful.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00]: End quote. The point is that every decision we make or fail to make has consequences.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Too much focus on one thing means not enough on something else.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Understanding that my ability to develop relationships and make a positive contribution

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00]: is dependent on my ability to stay vital and healthy seems obvious, but it is a reminder I

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: need to keep top of mind. Number two, finding new adventures outside.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: When I'm sitting at home with my phone and computer nearby, it's very easy for me to focus

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: on what's happened in the past or is going to happen in the future. But when I'm outside,

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: walking a trail or watching a sunset, it's nearly impossible to be anywhere but in the moment.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: For me, it's the chance to take a breath, decompress, and get back to taking care

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00]: of my family with the knowledge that I've taken a few moments to take care of myself too.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And number three, journaling. Despite its many benefits, I've struggled to make journaling a

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: consistent habit. It's something I typically come back to when I'm trying to sort things out in

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_00]: my head. Journaling helps me to do a brain dump. I write down everything on my mind until there's

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: nothing left. When I'm busy, my mind races with things I have to do, people I have to

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: talk to, and places I have to be, leaving little room for much else. Journaling helps to free and

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: quiet my mind so I can relax, let go, and enjoy the moment. There's no silver bullet for busyness.

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_00]: It often creeps back into our lives slowly and insidiously. The key is to recognize it

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: and not become numb to it. Grab back your time and attention and plan some great end of summer

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: adventures with your family. You'll never get a second chance to live this one moment.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled, Three Ways to Slow Down and Soak It All In, by Jay Harrington

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_00]: of LifeandWim.com, and I'll be back in a minute with my commentary. And thank you so much to Jay

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00]: for this post today, one that I'm sure got many of you feeling a little teary-eyed or maybe feeling

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00]: a sense of regret or urgency to spend as much time as possible with your kids

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: or whatever relationship this article might have reminded you of.

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00]: It's important to remember that sometimes all you can have is your efforts,

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00]: especially if your kids are a bit older. Independence and time spent with their peers

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_00]: is of vital importance for them. So not every attempt you make to find time together will

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_00]: be successful, and that's okay. It's really important to allow this and to accommodate

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: and recognize that honoring your kids' desires can sometimes, oftentimes, do more for your

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_00]: relationship with them than doing things together. When the lessons from an article like this fail us

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00]: is when the urgency gets so bad that we try to force the quality time and get frustrated if

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_00]: our kids or whomever aren't always willing to cooperate. So that's something to watch out for.

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_00]: All right, so some things to keep in mind. I will leave you to it now as we wrap up

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00]: another episode. Thank you so much for being here and contemplating this content with me.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you for another Parenting Article tomorrow,

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_00]: where your optimal life awaits.