2262: 5 Strategies for Handling NOISE in Motherhood by Erica Layne on Parenting & Mom Life

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, Episode 2262. 5 Strategies for Handling NOISE in Motherhood by Erica Layne of EricaLayne.co. Hello everybody and happy Friday! I'm Greg Audino and this is ORD, the show that's all about helping you improve your relationships each day.

[00:00:19] And I've got another parenting post for you today, this time courtesy of Erica Layne. So let's get right to it as we optimize your life. 5 Strategies for Handling NOISE in Motherhood by Erica Layne of EricaLayne.co.

[00:00:37] I live for the peaceful moments when we're out exploring, watching a seagull take flight above us or watching waves lap at our feet below. It's then that I could almost be convinced that the soundtrack of my life consists of

[00:00:50] the soft roar of the Pacific punctuated by the happy squeal of a child who just got touched by the freezing water. Unfortunately, that's the only soundtrack of the occasional weekend excursion, at least in my world. The rest of my life probably sounds a lot like yours.

[00:01:07] Mom, watch this! Mom, did you see that? Mom, did you know that your heart is only as big as your fist? Or maybe that was your brain? Sometimes facts get a little turned around by the time they get home from school, right? Children are loud.

[00:01:21] They're fighting, often over the smallest things ever conceived. It feels like nails on a chalkboard to a mom who has heard it all day. I find that even their happy play often sounds like fighting.

[00:01:34] Earlier this year, I was describing this to my therapist, knowing there wasn't a lot I could do about it, but just needing to get it off my chest. She said it seemed like my alarm center was getting triggered a lot.

[00:01:46] I was struck in that moment by how perfect her description was. The noise of my children often triggers an alarm I can hear in my head and feel in my heart. I feel my agitation rising, almost as literally as I feel the bath water rising when I fill

[00:02:00] the tub for one of my kids. I know I need to find shelter from the den or lose my marbles once and for all. Does the noise get to you? Maybe a lucky few of you are listening to this thinking, what is she talking about?

[00:02:16] My kids and the dog are jumping off furniture right now while screaming battle cries in a British accent and it's all good. That's off to you my friend, because I would be hiding under the sofa right about then.

[00:02:29] For introverts and highly sensitive people, a need for quiet is hardwired and I think this makes the chaos of motherhood a little more challenging for us. Thankfully, this need is something we can work around, something we can work to accommodate.

[00:02:44] Here are five strategies to help you handle the noise of motherhood with a little more calm. Five Strategies for Handling Noise in Motherhood 1. Carve out recurring blocks of time for yourself. More goes into this than the simple desire to have more alone time.

[00:03:03] Finances and your stage of motherhood in particular are big players. That said, I highly recommend juggling your budget around to accommodate some blocks of babysitting that will give you regular stretches of quiet. Also stretches of quiet are easier to come by once your children are in preschool or

[00:03:19] school. In terms of babies and toddlers, we love you and it does get better. Another option is asking for help from family and friends. If you explain your nature and what a difference the occasional afternoon off makes for you,

[00:03:34] I bet your loved ones will be more than happy to help out. As a bonus, asking for help and returning it is one of the best ways I know of to build a modern village. 2. Use technology as the sanity-saving tool that it is.

[00:03:50] I don't even want to think about where I'd be without PBS Kids. I know and believe in all the arguments to get kids off devices and into real life, but I also know I wouldn't have survived my early motherhood years without the help of kids' programming and apps.

[00:04:06] Even now, with my children being 8, 6, and 3, I still use technology to break up our days and give me more time for quiet and low engagement. 3. Structure your days with blocks of noise and engagement, followed by quiet and independence. I bet many of you do this naturally.

[00:04:25] I know I do. If I spend an hour making crafts with the kids at the table, I send them outside to play independently for the following hour. After I listen to their after-school chatter and survive homework time with three kids,

[00:04:38] I have them watch a couple of shows while I prep dinner in peace. Noise and engagement, followed by quiet and independence. It's a constant give and take that keeps me sane. 4. Look for regular tripping points and see if you can fix them.

[00:04:54] Are your kids exceptionally chatty and prone to fighting right after school? Try handing them a kid's protein bar the moment you see them. Are they bouncing off the walls when you're trying to make dinner?

[00:05:06] Refer to point 2, or maybe try instituting some playtime in their rooms every day at that time. Look for times when the noise level always gets to you and think about how you could resolve it. 5. Talk yourself down.

[00:05:20] I am continually exploring the idea that what we tell ourselves is our reality. Sometimes when I'm in the middle of the noise and I know there's nothing I can do about it, I repeat words in my head like these, Your kids are happy. You are happy.

[00:05:36] Everything is fine. Practice this. Talk yourself down from the point of alarm. Breathe yourself through the noise. You just listened to the post titled, 5 Strategies for Handling Noise in Motherhood by Erica Lane of EricaLane.co and I'll be right back after this with my comments.

[00:06:00] And thank you so much to Erica for this post, one that I'm sure all parents can relate to. And I think that seasoned parents will agree with my idea for a sixth strategy, and that

[00:06:10] is to think about how you'll feel about the noise of parenthood in the future. What I mean by this is that the struggle or alarm, as Erica's therapist put it, that colors how you experience this noise today will not always be the first feeling you associate

[00:06:26] with these types of moments. Down the road, you're likely to miss the squealing and shrieking of when your kids were young because you associate it more with their innocence and youth at that stage. Something most parents wish they could revisit.

[00:06:42] You might also think about how much this phase strengthened you as a mother. And while it might not have been easy, that someday you'll find yourself grateful for it because of how resilient it made you.

[00:06:53] So see if you can shift your thinking into how you'll probably have a more positive interpretation of this phase of life down the road when it's long gone. Maybe a little sad but important nonetheless. I wish you luck my friends as you try out this reframe.

[00:07:09] Thank you so much for being here today and every day. We couldn't make this show happen without you. I wish you a great rest of your day and of course I hope to see you again tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.