2266: 10 Ways to Stop Feeling like a Victim Once and for All by Cylon George of Spiritual Living for Busy People

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Relationships Daily, 10 Ways to Stop Feeling like a Victim Once and for All by Cylon George of Spiritual Living for BusyPeople.com

[00:00:10] Hello everybody and welcome to O-R-D where I, Greg Audino, read from and offer commentary on different articles that are written to help you build better relationships in your life.

[00:00:21] And many times that means the relationships we have with ourselves too, which is the case in today's post as it focuses on how to go from a victim mentality to a more empowered mentality. So listen closely as we start the post now and optimize your life.

[00:00:36] 10 Ways to Stop Feeling like a Victim Once and for All by Cylon George of Spiritual Living for BusyPeople.com Ever felt like the whole universe is working against you?

[00:00:52] Your car won't start, you spilled coffee on your favorite shirt, your kids don't respect you, your boss doesn't appreciate you, your friends don't return your calls. You feel used, abused, rejected.

[00:01:06] You feel like you deserve to suffer and you feel like you'll never enjoy the success, joy or peace you desire. You feel like a perpetual victim and you've accepted victimhood as an inescapable reality. But what if you could stop feeling like a victim once and for all?

[00:01:23] What if you could stop suffering this very instant? How might giving up victimhood improve your relationships, your career, your health? You don't need to wait for someone else to release you from your prison. You can release yourself from the chains of victimhood using these 10 steps.

[00:01:41] 1. Stop Blaming Others Blaming others may provide temporary relief from our pain, but in the long run it will lead to feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness. Here's a quick tip to help you counteract the tendency to blame others.

[00:01:57] Looking at yourself in the mirror, ask yourself regardless of how you feel, what is my role in this situation? In most cases you will see that you have the power to choose your response. Will you let go or hold a grudge? Will you be hopeful or helpless?

[00:02:14] 2. Be Compassionate to Yourself The Biblical commandment to love your neighbor as yourself is well known, but we often focus on the first part of the commandment, presumably because we take the second part for granted. However, there is a quiet epidemic of self-loathing that betrays this assumption.

[00:02:33] Do you struggle with self-love because of a past moral failure or some other perceived shortcoming? Know that you're not alone. You can challenge the voices, your own or others, that tell you that you are unworthy of your own love. Begin the journey of self-love with self-compassion.

[00:02:51] Karen Armstrong in her book 12 Steps to a Compassionate Life says, quote, begin by drawing on the warmth of friendship that you know exists potentially in your mind and direct it to yourself, end quote. 3. Practice Gratitude Rumi once said, quote,

[00:03:10] wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life, end quote. It's practically impossible to feel like a victim when you're feeling grateful. The spiritual sages of every tradition teach us that, even in the most difficult of circumstances,

[00:03:26] we can find things to be grateful for. Indeed, the difficulty itself can be the source of our gratitude for the invaluable lessons we can learn. Here's a good way to consciously tap into the power of gratitude during difficult times. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this experience?

[00:03:44] The lessons when truly taken to heart can be life-changing. Be grateful of the lessons that life teaches us, even the hard ones. 4. Resist Self-Sabotage What is at the root of our self-sabotaging behavior? Control. When we're trapped in the world of victimhood,

[00:04:03] we tend to be more aware of how vulnerable we truly are. We experience a sense of what Brene Brown calls deep forebonding. It's the sense that disaster is always lurking around the corner, and the sensation is most intense when things are going well.

[00:04:18] If disaster is going to come, the victim wants to control when that disaster will strike so he will not be disappointed. Therefore, he undermines his own joy and success with self-destructive behavior. The inner saboteur is a powerful enemy, but you have the power to resist its seductive

[00:04:36] and ultimately faulty reasoning. Panash Desai, in his book Discovering Your Soul Signature, says, quote, In order for the inner saboteur to bring you down, it requires your participation, end quote. Don't participate. Resist the feeling that you don't deserve joy and success. Give up the need for control

[00:04:57] and enjoy all the blessings that are before you. Accept them fully and graciously. Number five, perform acts of kindness to others. Doing kind acts for others, even simple acts, helps us get outside our own head. When you're feeling like a victim, you're likely hyper-focused on yourself,

[00:05:17] your feelings, your concerns, and your powerlessness. When you help another person or do a random act of kindness, you're empowering yourself but not in a manipulative or controlling way. Your power to positively impact someone will help you realize that you can also positively influence your own life.

[00:05:36] Number six, forgive and let go. Victims often hold on to feelings of bitterness and anger from past hurts. It colors their experiences in everyday life and cause them to negatively misinterpret even well-meaning gestures from others. We resist forgiving others because we think it means being weak,

[00:05:55] excusing the wrong, or being reconciled with the person who hurt us. It is none of these things. It doesn't require an apology or justice to be served because forgiveness is not about the perpetrator. Forgiveness is all about you. It's about your response to the pain inflicted on you.

[00:06:14] It's about what you do with that pain to transform it into compassion, empathy and understanding for the other. It's about finding the inner strength to move beyond the pain in order to find inner peace and freedom. Number seven, build self-confidence. If you're feeling like a victim,

[00:06:31] you may struggle with low self-confidence. You may think that self-confident people are born, not made. Yes, some people are naturally more self-confident than others, but self-confidence can be taught and improved upon in any person. The best way to do it is to emulate confident people.

[00:06:48] Dress well, hold an upright posture, speak clearly, make eye contact and exercise. Act confident. Your internal state will begin to match your external actions. Number eight, find the source of your learned helplessness. Chronic long-term victim mentality often finds its source in learned helplessness that was likely experienced

[00:07:10] in childhood or early adulthood. Perhaps you were raised in an environment that fostered dependence rather than giving you the confidence to fend for yourself. Perhaps an older sibling or spouse consistently discounted your opinions and feelings, or perhaps you were bullied in school. The process is painful,

[00:07:28] but taking the time to find the underlying source of your negativity will empower you with knowledge. This knowledge in turn will give you an opportunity to address the source of the pain. If you're struggling to get through this step, a good therapist can help.

[00:07:43] Number nine, shift your mentality from that of a victim to survivor. There's no doubt that bad things happen to good people, but the key to not succumbing to victim mentality is to adopt the mentality of a survivor. In her book, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger,

[00:08:00] Maxine Schnall compares the two mentalities this way. A victim asks how long it will take to feel good. A survivor decides to feel good even if things are not so great. The victim grinds to a halt. The survivor keeps putting one foot in front of the other.

[00:08:15] A victim wallows in self-pity, a survivor comforts others. A victim is jealous of someone else's success. A survivor is inspired by it. A victim focuses on the pain of loss. A survivor cherishes remembered joy. A victim seeks retribution. A survivor seeks redemption.

[00:08:35] And most of all, a victim argues with life. A survivor embraces it. And number ten, challenge your perceptions of reality. Ever heard of Occam's razor? It's a powerful principle of reasoning credited to the English philosopher and theologian William of Occam. In short, it says, quote,

[00:08:55] the simplest answer or explanation is often correct. End quote. Remember the car that won't start? The last time that happened to me, all these thoughts were swirling around in my head. I must have done something to deserve this. The neighborhood kid messed with my car overnight.

[00:09:12] I'll lose my job and I won't be able to pay the bills. Then it occurred to me, what if the car really did just suffer a mechanical failure? It sounds crazy, but we get caught up in these thought patterns more often than we care to admit.

[00:09:26] We frequently engage in worst-case scenario thinking. The next time worst-case scenario thinking threatens to distort your perception of reality, use Occam's razor to bring you back from the brink of victimhood. Let go of victimhood so you can be free. What if you could successfully

[00:09:43] weather the storms of life instead of constantly feeling like a ship about to run aground? What if you could positively influence your negative circumstances instead of passively accepting defeat? What if you could experience gratitude or even joy in the midst of pain and sorrow?

[00:10:01] You can't achieve all this because you have more power than you realize. Claim your power by committing to practice these steps every day. Don't underestimate your power. Don't undermine it. Forever free yourself from your mental prison. You just listened to the post titled

[00:10:22] Ten Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Victim Once and for All by Cylon George of Spiritual Living for BusyPeople.com and I'll be back in just a minute with my comments. Okay, thank you to Cylon for this really extensive and well-thought-out list. Definitely a helpful post

[00:10:38] for anyone who has gotten caught up in this cycle. And one thing I'd like to add to it, especially if you are one who tackles problems better when you feel you're not alone in them or like others have been through similarly trying times,

[00:10:52] is to reflect on the people who have been victimized in the same ways yet managed to overcome. Now sometimes we might look to these people and think that they found luck or that their journey back to empowerment was just so overwhelmingly long

[00:11:06] and that we don't have the power to undertake that ourselves but how can we mimic them? Kind of like Cylon was talking about you know, showing physical signs of confidence and waiting for the feeling to show up internally. Can we take similar steps or maybe say similar things?

[00:11:24] Oftentimes drawing just little bits of actionable inspiration from those who have been through that which we're trying to get through can cascade and put us on the right path forward. So think about that today everyone. It's time to get going for a little bit of a break

[00:11:38] and that's it for today everyone. It's time to get going for now but I thank you as always for tuning in and doing right by your relationships by doing so. Have a terrific day and be sure to join us again tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.