2275: According to Science, Alone Time Is Really Good for You by Andre Solo of Introvert Dear on Empathy

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily.

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00]: According to Science, Alone Time Is Really Good for You by Andre Solo of IntrovertDear.com

[00:00:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello everybody!

[00:00:11] [SPEAKER_00]: This is ORD, the show that's all about helping you improve your relationships, and I'm

[00:00:15] [SPEAKER_00]: your host and narrator Greg Audino here with you each and every day including holidays.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Now today I'm going to share a post from Andre Solo, founder of Introvert Dear,

[00:00:24] [SPEAKER_00]: which is widely recognized as the largest base of content centered around the introvert

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00]: experience specifically and we do love to share from them.

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00]: In this article Andre is going to talk about the benefits of Alone Time and how we can

[00:00:36] [SPEAKER_00]: make the most of it, and then I'll have some commentary at the end as always.

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_00]: So let's hear what he has to say and start optimizing your life.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00]: According to Science, Alone Time Is Really Good for You by Andre Solo of IntrovertDear.com

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_00]: We hear it all the time.

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Introverts get their energy from being alone.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Extroverts get it from being with people.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_00]: But it turns out Alone Time does more than just help you recharge.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00]: It actually makes you better at certain things and that's just as true for extroverts as

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_00]: it is for us introverts.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_00]: That's the moral of an impressive body of research on Alone Time.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00]: The research suggests that simply being around another person sucks up a certain

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: amount of the brain's attention, making some tasks harder.

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And Alone Time helps you out in at least three ways.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: You form more accurate memories when you're alone and those memories last longer.

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I assume this means you learn better as any introvert who suffered through a study group

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_00]: could tell you.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: If you have regular Alone Time, you develop more empathy, especially for people outside

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00]: your social group.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: This is probably because you spend more time on inner reflection, so solitude makes

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00]: you more connected to others.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And Alone Time is a key ingredient for metacognition, one of the most powerful

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: abilities the human brain has.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_00]: When people are good at metacognition, we call them things like visionary, innovator,

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_00]: and genius.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's not even counting the special benefits Alone Time has for teenagers.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Things like improved mood, less self-consciousness, and a stronger sense of identity.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Other people steal your brain power.

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Why does Alone Time do so much?

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_00]: One of the researchers, Bethany Borum, sums it up nicely.

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Quote,

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: We're multitasking when we're with other people in a way that we're not when

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00]: we just have an experience by ourselves.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00]: End quote.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I love this comparison because actual multitasking is bad for you.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Or rather it's bad for whatever you're working on.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Your brain literally cannot focus on two tasks at once, so

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00]: it has to hop back and forth.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: That makes you worse at both activities, plus pretty much everything else.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: This is true even if you feel like you're a great multitasker by the way.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00]: According to Borum, other people automatically occupy part of your attention.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: That's why it's harder to do a job with someone looking over your shoulder.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: You have less brain power to spend on it.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Even extroverts who may not get as self-conscious still have to divide

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: their attention to be around other people.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: So you don't really function better alone.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Rather, you function normally when alone and worse when around others.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: At least if you're doing anything besides chatting.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00]: This gives introverts a huge advantage.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone suffers from this brain drain effect, but introverts are keenly aware of it.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00]: We know we work better alone.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Extroverts take so much emotional satisfaction from being around others

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: that they don't always feel the drain or notice that their work suffers.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_00]: They'll tell you they work better in a group and they honestly mean it.

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_00]: But for many tasks, they're wrong.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_00]: The Metacognition Switch

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: The most powerful benefit of solitude for my money is metacognition.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00]: This is your brain's ability to step back and examine its own thoughts.

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It's linked to creativity, self-reflection and critical thinking.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00]: And the research suggests it's easiest alone.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: This hits close to home because introverts can develop

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00]: metacognition to a high degree.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_00]: According to personality type theory, there are 16 personality types,

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: each favoring a different mental process.

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Only two of the 16 lead with metacognition and both are introverts.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Technically they lead with a process called introverted intuition,

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: sometimes nicknamed perspectives.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00]: It's the ability to step back, change perspectives

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00]: and see hidden connections between ideas.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd say that's metacognition by a different name.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I am an INTJ personality type.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: One of those two types, the other is INFJ.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone can use perspectives, but for us it's the first tool in our toolkit.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: That makes us kind of weird.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: For example, I find ideas more interesting than people

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00]: and I get so lost in thought that I could easily walk off a cliff.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: But that weirdness is worth it.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Because perspectives let me build vast plans and visions in my head

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: and then move my life toward them the way others follow GPS.

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00]: It's something I can't turn off, but most of the time I don't really want to.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the rub.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: One distraction and the whole thing will crash.

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Just as the research suggests, to do metacognition I need to be left alone.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Using perspectives is like building a mental spider web

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: and each interruption is a puppy running through the web.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00]: The spider cannot just pick up where it left off.

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_00]: It has to start all over.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_00]: So INTJs and INFJs demand huge amounts of alone time, especially while we work.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_00]: The solitude gives us the mental space to do our metacognition,

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: to build our inner webs.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I believe INFJs have it even tougher

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: because they constantly think about the feelings of those around them.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Alone time gives them a better buffer against the feels.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: But I think this research offers a little hope.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_00]: For one thing, it says we're normal.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: We're not weirdos programmed to reject humanity.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00]: We're just specialists in a mental process that everyone,

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: no matter what their personality type, does better alone.

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00]: For another thing, it suggests that people can improve their ability

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00]: to do perspectives slash metacognition.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Taking alone time to reflect on your thoughts

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: is a startlingly simple way to build up such a powerful ability.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_00]: The benefit?

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Better self-knowledge, more empathy and more big ideas.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: According to Science, Alone Time is Really Good for You,

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: by Andres Solo of introvertdeer.com.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And I loved this post from Andres today.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks a lot to him for sharing and offering insight

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_00]: on something we probably haven't thought much about.

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I do think there's one caveat though.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And that is that while we may have more or normal

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00]: amounts of cognitive potential when we're alone,

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00]: it's rendered almost useless if we don't choose to activate it.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_00]: So, when we're alone, we still have to make the effort

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: to create an environment that's free of distractions

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00]: that are not people.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00]: We still have to make the effort to question our thoughts

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00]: and develop new perspectives, and so on.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Having alone time is a great gift,

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: but when it's not utilized the right way,

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00]: it really goes to waste.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's all too easy to not utilize it the right way

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00]: because many of us can be unfamiliar with having it

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00]: or tempted to mute it in some ways when we do.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_00]: We might find ourselves needing the TV or music on in the background,

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: simply to stir some energy around and give ourselves

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_00]: other things to latch onto.

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm definitely guilty of this myself.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And while it seems harmless, I do have a hard time

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_00]: thinking that it's not at least to some degree

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00]: a form of avoidance.

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_00]: So, just stay aware of all the factors

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: that could really keep you from extracting

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_00]: the most out of your alone time

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and do what you can to limit them.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_00]: That's going to do it for today though, everyone.

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for coming and spending some of your day here.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Enjoy the rest of it, and be sure to stop in again tomorrow

[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_00]: where we will have another relationship building post

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: and where your optimal life awaits.