2278: [Part 2] If the World is Scary, How Can Our Children Not Be Scared? By Allison Carmen on Resiliency & Adaptability

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily. If the world is scary, how can our children not be scared?

[00:00:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Part 2 By Allison Carmen of allicincarmon.com

[00:00:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello everybody and welcome back to ORD with me your host and narrator Greg Audino.

[00:00:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Today we will have the pleasure of listening to the rest of this longer article that we began

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_00]: yesterday courtesy of Allison Carmen. And if you didn't catch part one I highly recommend

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00]: pausing here and going back to listen to that one first. But if you are all caught up then

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00]: let's hear the rest now as we optimize your life. If the world is scary, how can our children not

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_00]: be scared? Part 2 By Allison Carmen of allicincarmon.com

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I realized that I could keep trying to teach my older daughter a life perspective

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_00]: of positive thinking. But if she could lose this perspective over not getting a part in a

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_00]: play, how would she stay positive when she saw truly bad things happening all around her?

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_00]: To harness the power of positive thinking my daughter would need to sustain relentless optimism

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00]: in the face of very real obstacles that obscured the road ahead. A positive perspective

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_00]: can be very challenging when someone loses hope during difficult times

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00]: or is afraid of uncertainty. Just like myself and many other adults,

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00]: children too can get stuck on the idea if today doesn't work out,

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_00]: nothing will ever change in the future. So what could I teach my children to sustain them through

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: the uncertainty of the future? After much trial and error in my adult life,

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I decided to teach my daughter is the same perspective that has finally helped me

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00]: face the unknown with more strength and vigor. I taught them a way of thinking

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00]: that I refer to as the maybe mindset. When I feel worried or uncertain,

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I tell my children the same thing I have learned to tell myself. As bad as things may look or feel

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_00]: in any given moment, there is always the possibility that maybe, just maybe,

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: what is happening will turn out good. Maybe it will get better,

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: or maybe we can accept what we are experiencing and still be okay.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Beyond statistics or positivity, maybe is a much broader view of all that is possible,

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00]: even when a given moment is difficult. The thing I love most about the maybe mindset

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_00]: is that it's real. The maybe mindset doesn't promise my children that things will go back

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: to the way they were before something bad happened, nor does it deny that bad things

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00]: are happening in the world. Maybe merely allows my children to stand in the present

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00]: and see what else is possible for this moment and the future.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe does not force my children to feel differently about a situation than they already do.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00]: This is important. If I try to suppress my children's negative thoughts and replace them

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_00]: with positive thoughts, their stress and worry has nowhere to go but to fester.

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_00]: With the idea of maybe, my children can recognize that they are scared or worried

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00]: about what is happening in the world, and at the same time recognize that there

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00]: is an opening they can take whenever they are ready. Is the maybe mindset hard to sustain?

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it takes practice. It is put to the test every day, especially after a horrific event like

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: the school shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida. Maybe doesn't mean my

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: children are not unbelievably sad about this tragedy. It doesn't mean they didn't feel

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: scared as they walked into their respective schools the day after the shooting. But

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: they both immediately recognized, as did I, that as awful as this event was, maybe was still at play.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: They realized that maybe this shooting will force people to look at gun control more seriously.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe there will be new legislation passed. Maybe my girls can be part of the solution.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: The maybe mindset keeps their worst fears at bay and instead gives them strength to

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_00]: stay active in their communities and have hope that as life changes,

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: there are good possibilities amidst all that bad. With the maybe mindset, my children know that

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00]: uncertainty is not the problem, but instead it is their fear of what will be that can cripple

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00]: them to move forward with their lives. Whether they're struggling at school with friends,

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: health issues or fears of global warming, war or famine, the idea of maybe has become a guiding

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_00]: light that allows them to clear their worries so they can focus on all life can offer.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_00]: With this mindset, my children understand that they can sit in the uncertainty with fear,

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00]: anxiety and total despair or they can realize that there may be a way out, a way forward,

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: or simply another way to look at what is before them. And even if my children's fears do become

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00]: reality as fears sometimes do, maybe we'll help them see that the next moment brings a chance

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: for something new once again. And maybe, maybe just do more. Maybe may help all of our children

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: grow into adults who have the resilience and flexibility to solve big problems,

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: to become strong leaders in a world that definitely needs more what's possible thinkers.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_00]: And what is possible? Maybe they can find a way to make the world a better place for

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_00]: everyone. You just listened to part two of the post titled, If the world is scary,

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: how can our children not be scared? By Allison Corman of allisoncorman.com,

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and stick around for my commentary coming right up.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And a big thanks to Allison for a wonderful finish to this post. She's absolutely right in

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: that one of the best parts of the Maybe mindset is that it's not this fake or blind optimism,

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_00]: it genuinely makes room for all kinds of outcomes and neutralizes our thinking perfectly.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00]: So to me it's much more realistic than the way most folks use the word realistic.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Now to mention it also provides an opportunity to remind ourselves and others that

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: even if our worst fears do come true, there are still positives to extract from these experiences.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe this bad event will happen, maybe it won't. Say it does. Well then the

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_00]: conversation then becomes, maybe we've grown from this, become more resilient from this,

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: can prevent this from happening again. So this idea of maybe is true, it's versatile,

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: and it's extraordinarily grounding for kids and adults alike.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: So take it with you today and use it. Surely you can find some time for maybe.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And with that I'm going to sign off for now. A great post from Allison like I said.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks again to her and thanks to all of you for being here.

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_00]: And be sure to come back and do the same tomorrow where I will have another

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_00]: post for you and where your optimal life awaits.