2281: 7 Relationship Mantras to Stop Small Misunderstandings from Turning into Big Mistakes by Marc Chernoff on Communication

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily.

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00]: 7 Relationship Mantras to Stop Small Misunderstandings from Turning into Big

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Mistakes by Marc Chernoff of MarcAndAngel.com.

[00:00:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello everybody, and welcome back to Optimal Relationships Daily.

[00:00:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm Greg Audino, and this is the show on which I read to you every day from different

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_00]: articles about relationship building, kind of like an ongoing audio book, but with

[00:00:24] [SPEAKER_00]: different excerpts and authors each time.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00]: So with that, let's get right into this piece about clearing up misunderstandings

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00]: and sharpening communication as we optimize your life.

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: 7 Relationship Mantras to Stop Small Misunderstandings from Turning into Big

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Mistakes by Marc Chernoff of MarcAndAngel.com.

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_00]: This past December, a busy attorney named Valentina and her 10-year-old son Marco

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00]: moved into their new home in New England.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_00]: The winter season was already in full effect, and a massive snowstorm swept

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_00]: through the area the morning after they moved, closing all schools.

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Although young students like Marco suddenly had the day off from school, Valentina still

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_00]: needed to visit her office for a couple of hours to finish up some important

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_00]: paperwork with a new client.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_00]: So despite the snowstorm, Valentina drove to work, leaving Marco in their nearly

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_00]: snowed-in home to write a short essay that was assigned by his teacher to make

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: up for the missed school day.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Shortly after Valentina arrived at her office, she received a text message from

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Marco that read,

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Valentina squinted at her phone in confusion because she couldn't fathom why Marco

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: wanted to open any of the windows.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: But she was really busy and about to head into a business meeting with her client, so

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_00]: she didn't have time to sort out the details.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00]: She quickly texted Marco a simple fix that she had learned as a young girl growing up

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: in the mountains.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Warm up a cup of water in the microwave, pour it evenly over the edges, then lightly

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: tap the edges with a mallet.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Valentina then hurried into her business meeting.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00]: While she was working with her client, she felt her phone vibrate a few times from

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: new text messages, and when the meeting was over an hour later, she read the text

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: messages.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: The first text from Marco read, What?

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you sure that works?

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Then, Please hurry up.

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I have to turn in my essay soon.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Finally, The laptop is dead.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Confused by the messages, Valentina called Marco.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: He picked up, irritated and distraught.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00]: First, What's wrong with the laptop?

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Valentina asked.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, Marco replied.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I poured warm water over all of its edges and tapped them with a mallet just like you

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: told me to, but now it won't even turn on.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Valentina suddenly realized her 10-year-old son's initial text message was not about

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: the windows of their new home.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Rather, he had texted her about the Windows operating system that runs his laptop

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: computer. Marco's laptop was simply frozen, but now, thanks to a cup of warm water and

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00]: the light tapping of a mallet, it was indeed dead.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, in life, in business and in our relationships, the biggest mistakes can

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: arise from the smallest misunderstandings.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00]: We can avoid these misunderstandings with a simple approach.

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Slow down, listen to others and clarify what they mean.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it will take a few more moments of your time, but it will also save you from painful

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00]: headaches and heartache later on.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Mantras to stop misunderstandings.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Truth be told, much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_00]: left miscommunicated.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: We know this. We know misunderstandings tear us apart.

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00]: We know healthier communication leads to healthier relationships.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And yet we forget. We forget to make time for each other.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_00]: We forget to be present.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: We forget to really listen.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Day after day, we collectively misunderstand each other into hundreds of unnecessary

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: headaches and heartbreaking mistakes.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And like you, I'm only human.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I still miscommunicate and misunderstand people, especially when I'm in a hurry.

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So I've implemented a simple strategy to support the practice of paying better attention to

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_00]: the people in my life.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: In a nutshell, I proactively remind myself of the truths I already know but often forget.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Anytime I catch myself avoiding a conversation I know I need to have with someone, I pause

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00]: and read the following mantras to myself.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: I have them stored in the notes on my iPhone.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Then I tune into this person with full presence.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Number one, the single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00]: taken place.

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Number two, too often we don't listen to understand.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: We listen to reply.

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't do this. Focus.

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Be curious. When we listen with genuine curiosity, we don't listen with the intent to

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00]: reply. We listen for what's truly behind the words.

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Number three, when you hear only what you want to hear, you're not really listening.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Listen to what you don't want to hear, too.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: That's how we grow stronger together.

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Number four, you never know what someone has been through today.

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_00]: So don't be lazy and make empty judgments about them or their situation.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Be kind. Be teachable.

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Be a good friend. Be a good neighbor.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Be a good listener.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Number five, sometimes all a person needs is an empathetic ear.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: They just need to know someone else hears them.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Simply offering a listening ear and a kind heart for their suffering can be incredibly

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_00]: healing.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Number six, do not make assumptions unless you undoubtedly know the whole story.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_00]: If in doubt, ask the person directly until you have clarity.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: And number seven, when you take time to actually listen with humility to what people

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00]: have to say, it's amazing what you can learn, especially if the people who are doing the

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_00]: talking also happen to be the people you love.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Your turn.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, if Angel and I had a dollar for every time we've heard about an

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: unfortunate life situation directly caused by a combination of excessive busyness and

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_00]: poor communication, we would be able to send everyone we know an inscribed gold plaque

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: of Valentina and Marco's story as a wake up call.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Let it be your wake up call.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled, Seven Relationship Mantras to Stop Small

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Misunderstandings from Turning into Big Mistakes by Mark Schirnoff of Markandangel.com

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'll be back in just a sec with my commentary.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and thanks a lot to Mark for this post.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Misunderstandings really can escalate, can't they?

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00]: It's great to have an article here which addresses that directly.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And it is true that there are so many things we can learn when we really lean into active

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: listening and stronger communication.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: In the case of this article, which focuses on misunderstandings bred from not being truly

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00]: present, we can really learn a lot by studying our inattentiveness.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Our inattentiveness is not just random.

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: It does tell a deeper story and a more informative story about who we are.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: So ask yourself, what patterns are there?

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Do you tend to tune out certain people more than others or certain topics more than

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_00]: others? Or maybe you are more or less attentive at different times of day, before or

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00]: after certain tasks of yours have been completed.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_00]: So when we search for the answers to questions like these, we learn a lot about

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: ourselves. Who we enjoy listening to, who we don't, when we're most distracted, when

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: we're most focused, etc.

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_00]: These insights are very important to have and in many cases can guide us towards

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00]: clearer values and more deliberate uses of time in addition to better communication

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00]: skills. But that is going to do it for today, everyone.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I thank you so much for being here as always and for doing right by your

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_00]: relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day and be sure to join us again tomorrow for

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_00]: more content where your optimal life awaits.