2283: 3 Things Losing My Mum Taught Me About Life by Faye Williams of No Sidebar on Living with Intention & Gratitude

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Relationships Daily. 3 Things Losing My Mum Taught Me About Life by Faye Williams of

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_00]: NoSidebar.com Hello everybody, my name is Greg Audino. I am your host and narrator.

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for coming today and choosing to devote some time to improving your relationships.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And the post I'll be reading for you today really stands to help you improve your relationships

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_00]: with everyone, including yourself. It's a post that is absolutely dense with lessons

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and we can explore them a bit more in my commentary at the end. First though, let's hear Faye's work.

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to begin the post now and optimize your life. 3 Things Losing My Mum Taught Me About Life

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_00]: by Faye Williams of NoSidebar.com Earlier this year, my mom passed away. It was sudden with no

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00]: warning. She was exactly one month away from her 69th birthday when her heart failed.

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Nine months before that, her brother Eric had died under spookily similar circumstances.

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Mom and Eric were very close and I watched his death wreak devastation on her life.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_00]: When he was gone, nothing could fill the void that he left behind,

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_00]: not even me and her three grandchildren. I dealt with both the states as executor

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00]: and the process was emotionally grueling each time. Both of them were horitors and collectors

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00]: of inordinate amounts of stuff. They had difficult childhoods and seemed to take comfort in possessions

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00]: in a way that I recognized as unhealthy from an early age. As I went through every box,

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: every piece of paper, and every item that my mom and her brother owned over a process of months,

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I saw with complete clarity the lessons that their lives had passed on to me.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00]: 1. Showcase Your Sentimental Items and Be Selective About What You Keep

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00]: There is an unimaginable amount of stuff to sort through after someone dies.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Aside from the usual clothing, kitchenware and furniture, there's also a flood of miscellaneous

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00]: objects which are kept for sentimental reasons. Pens, key rings, notes, trinkets, postcards,

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: teddies, and much more. When I sorted through Eric and then mom's belongings,

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I wondered over and over, was this important? Why did he keep this? What did this mean to her?

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_00]: When you are gone, no one will know the meaning of your things unless you shared the memories

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_00]: associated with them when you were alive. Choose what you save carefully and then display it

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00]: proudly. Talk about and name the people in your old photos. Read aloud the letters that make

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: you smile. Dig out the souvenir from your best holiday ever and put it in plain sight.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Minimalism isn't about having nothing, it's about finding true value in what you do have

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00]: and keeping only what meets your high standards. Once you've done this for a few items,

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_00]: you'll begin to realize that all the sentimental stuff you thought you had to keep can go.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00]: 2. Don't Hide Your Past And Don't Let It Dictate Your Future

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Self-acceptance is the key to graciously letting go of what you don't need. When you fully accept

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_00]: yourself and who you are, you no longer need to keep the things that you bought to be someone

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: else or to impress someone else. Owning a lot of books doesn't make you erudite,

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: reading a lot of books does. You also don't need to keep things to hide behind or to cover

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: up the parts about yourself that you don't like. Rather than hide behind objects that

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: you imbue with emotion, be brave and tell your stories. Deal with shame head on and bathe it

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00]: with love and acceptance. Rewrite your experiences in the positive and be proud of them. My mom and

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00]: her brother hid their terrible childhood for their entire lives and it tortured them endlessly.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Bad things happen to good people. You are not to blame if something bad has happened to you,

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: but it is your choice if you let it consume your thoughts for decades afterwards.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I watched mom and Eric devote almost 55 years of life to feeling bad about what happened in the

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_00]: first 15 years of life. It's surprisingly easy to waste a lifetime over things that amount to

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: a fraction of the physical time you have on this earth.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00]: 3. Take 100% Responsibility for Your Health

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't put off looking after your health until you have time to do it perfectly.

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Small changes do make a difference. Your body wants nothing more than to live

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_00]: as long as possible and it will fight for this until your very last breath.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Mom spent her life looking for someone else to look after her,

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: both mentally and with her ever decreasing physical health.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: She thought the answer was on the outside instead of on the inside.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: You won't find what you need from someone else. You are 100% responsible for what you eat and

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00]: how you move. There is no pill or addiction that will do a better job than self-acceptance

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: and listening to what your body needs. Sometimes the whisper is so faint you have to listen hard.

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: The only person in charge and the only person that can tell you if something is okay with

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: absolute certainty is you. Mom spent her life believing that everyone else's opinion was more

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_00]: valid than her own. Don't let anyone tell you that what you think doesn't matter.

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Stand up and be proud to be the king of the land of you.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Take care of the physical body that you've been given. It works hard for you, night and day.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Life goes on. It seemed impossible to me on the day that I lost my mom that other people were

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: carrying on with their lives as if nothing had happened. But life does go on.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: After many days and nights you realize you're not crying every day anymore.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Then you feel guilty for feeling better and finally you begin to find memories to

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00]: make you smile instead of making you sad. Losing someone you love after decades of life

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_00]: is the hardest thing to go through. But as part of that unavoidable circle of life and death,

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: it also teaches us so much if we're willing to hear it. You just listened to the post titled

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Three Things Losing My Mom Taught Me About Life by Fay Williams of nosidebar.com

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And thanks a lot to Fay for this really powerful post which I am sure

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: took a lot to write and proved to be a big part of her healing process as well.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of important lessons in here needless to say, but one thing they all share is that

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: they require us to lean into and explore our feelings with purpose. Whether you're

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: relishing in the importance of sentimental items, making the conscious choice to improve your health,

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_00]: embracing your difficult past, or moving on from a difficult loss in a way that's free of pent up

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00]: emotions, these all require us to not sit idly by. They require us to say this is difficult right now

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: but it is for a greater good. I might even suggest that the same is true when we consider death

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_00]: itself. Whether we consider the death of loved ones or of ourselves, of course it's uncomfortable.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But doing so ultimately stands to give us greater perspectives and spend our time with ourselves

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: or others more meaningfully. So work today on leaning into something that's uncomfortable for you

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00]: but that you know will yield greater benefits down the road. Start slow, just practice this and

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00]: trust that doing so will become normal over time, improving your resilience and

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00]: helping you tackle difficult feelings from a place of courage rather than being consumed by

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: them. So a hugely encompassing post today but we have reached the end everyone. I hope you enjoyed

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: this one and took as much from it as I did and do remember to come on back tomorrow for another

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00]: great post. That's where your optimal life awaits.