2287: Become a Better Partner by Chalene Johnson on Healthy Partnerships in Marriage & Business

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[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Be a Better Partner by Chalene Johnson of ChaleneJohnson.com

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello everybody and thanks a lot for tuning in today on O-R-D. I'm Greg Audino, your host and narrator.

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Happy to be here today sharing a post from the one and only Chalene Johnson who writes about all different types of things

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_00]: and therefore has been featured on all of our shows for years now.

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And this time we will hear her thoughts on how to be a better partner, not just in your relationship

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_00]: but also in your business should you be in business with your significant other.

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_00]: So let's hear what she's got for us as we optimize your life.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Become a Better Partner by Chalene Johnson of ChaleneJohnson.com

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to become a better partner with your partner?

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00]: After 18 years of marriage and being in a relationship for 22, I still have to ask Brett how long we've been together.

[00:01:24] [SPEAKER_00]: In fact the only reason I know those numbers right now is because I recently asked him and wrote it down this time.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Numbers aren't one of my strengths and I've come to rely on Brett for these types of things.

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Being in business together for over 15 years now, we've learned that the secret to success is honoring and focusing on one another's strengths.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Working with couples is something that is near and dear to our hearts.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Because success is fantastic but not at the expense of your relationship and the people that matter most to you.

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Couples that stay together don't do it by accident. They work for it.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And the same goes for building a business together.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00]: So today I want to share with you some tips about being in business with your partner that I know will impact you whether you're in business together or not.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: These are our three tips for a successful partnership that we figured out the hard way and have brought us even closer.

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Number one, recruit the interest of your partner.

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Brett loves coaching high school football because it gives him a chance to mentor young kids.

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I love teaching fitness classes at the gym because I love connecting with people and feeling their positive energy.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Do either of these things make us money? No, but they make our lives rich.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00]: So together we make sure we honor each other's passions.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I might not get excited about the place he's running on the field but I do take an interest in the kids he coaches.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_00]: On the other hand, while Brett might not get excited about my choreography or music, he shares my interest in the fitness aspect of things

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: and also ran the logistics of the fitness business we previously owned together.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And we do the same in our business today.

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But we didn't always work together and we weren't always so heavily involved in one another's personal interests or hobbies.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I had to recruit him.

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00]: When we began working together in our business, I had to tell him how much I needed him and his strengths.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: When Brett was graduating from high school, he was the number one recruited quarterback in the country.

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: To this day, we have books full of recruiting letters from college football coaches that his mom saved,

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: each one telling him how much their team needed his skills.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I remember reading through those letters and finding one that really stuck out to me.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_00]: It said, Brett, we need you in the worst way.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Can you say that to your partner?

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_00]: If you want your partner on your team, that's what they need to hear.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: What are his or her strengths and why do you need them?

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: How can you take a bigger interest in your partner's interests?

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And how can you include them in what you do?

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_00]: How can you recruit your partner?

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Number two, focus on your partner's strengths.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00]: The strengths of your partner will not change.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: This means that their weaknesses will not change either.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to lie and say that we don't frustrate each other sometimes, because we do,

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: but we've also learned to take a deep breath and focus on each other's strengths.

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Brett honors my strengths and interests in personal development and social media,

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_00]: and I honor his strengths in the logistics of our business.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_00]: While I might be the one in the videos, he's the one making sure it's possible for me

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00]: by doing all of the planning, handling the finances, and doing the negotiating.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00]: He is a critical piece of our business, and there's no team Johnson without him.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: His weaknesses are my strengths and vice versa.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Rather than focusing on our weaknesses, we honor one another's strengths

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: and let each person thrive in their role.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Stop getting so frustrated with your partner's weaknesses,

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00]: because he or she is so strong in other areas.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I want you to focus on.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of being resentful and thinking, why am I always the one who dot, dot, dot,

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_00]: realize whatever it is that you do, that's your role because you're good at it

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_00]: and it comes naturally to you.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: No partnership is ever 50-50 all the time.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: You are needed, and you are there to pick up the slack where they are weak.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And where you are weak, that's where your partner picks up the slack.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00]: You have roles.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Start honoring your partner's strengths and put them into your recruiting letters.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Number three, know what triggers a negative reaction in your partner.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: When you know what upsets your partner and why, then you'll take things less personal.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Brett and I know each other's triggers,

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: and it enables us to understand one another and work together so much better.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: What is your partner's most negative overriding belief about himself or herself?

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00]: It might take a deep conversation, but understanding their childhood and past

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: will help you understand their triggers in your business and everyday life.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: For instance, I know that Brett's overriding negative belief

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: is that his opinion doesn't matter.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Growing up with a successful and domineering football coach as a father,

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Brett learned to respond to any message with a yes sir and move on.

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00]: As an athlete, there's no arguing with your coach

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00]: and there was no arguing with his father.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00]: While his father is a very loving man

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: and never intended for Brett to take on that belief,

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00]: he processed it that way.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: In our business, this trigger appeared when I questioned anything Brett worked on.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00]: An innocent question like,

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00]: why do we have this scheduled on Tuesday instead of Wednesday?

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Resulted in him throwing up his hands and getting frustrated,

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_00]: assuming he did it wrong or his opinion did not matter.

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Now that we've identified and discussed his trigger,

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I know how to avoid it and frame things differently.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00]: He now knows how much I truly appreciate his opinion

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: and what he does for our business.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Childhood messages

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_00]: In my case, my overriding negative belief was that

[00:07:01] [SPEAKER_00]: my value was determined by my ability to make money.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_00]: When I was a child, my parents had a fire in one of their businesses

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: and needed to borrow money in a savings account they started for me as a child.

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_00]: In an honest attempt to teach me about loaning money

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: and showing me how they would pay me back with interest,

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I internalized the message as,

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I have value because I have the ability to make money.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Again, my parents never intended for me to think this way,

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00]: but as a child, that's how I internalized the message.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00]: In our business and life, this trigger appeared.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: If I ever felt that Brett was unhappy or stressed out,

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I immediately thought that I must work harder and make us more money.

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_00]: But in actuality, maybe he was just tired that day.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Before I understood this belief,

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I was never able to stop working and truly enjoy the life we had created.

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Knowing this, Brett now approaches certain situations with me differently

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: to avoid setting off this trigger.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Final thoughts

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Do you know your partner's negative beliefs and triggers?

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_00]: What could you be doing that sets off these triggers

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_00]: and how can you approach the situation differently?

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: While this might take a deep conversation,

[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't stress enough how much this can help your relationship

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: and your business.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00]: What causes your partner to overreact?

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Understanding his or her triggers is the best way to help your partner

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_00]: understand where you're coming from,

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_00]: handle it, and take the emotion out of it.

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Be considerate of your partner's triggers

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and start rethinking how you can frame and approach situations.

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_00]: While it took us some time and hard work to figure these things out,

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_00]: they are crucial to the success of our marriage and our business.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't always like this,

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00]: and we certainly still have our tiffs now and then,

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00]: but we have learned to focus on and honor one another's strengths

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_00]: and truly understand each other.

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_00]: It takes work, but it is so worth it

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_00]: because you're better together.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Become a Better Partner by Shalene Johnson of ShaleneJohnson.com

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'll be back in a moment with my commentary.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and thanks a lot to Shalene for this post.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_00]: One of my favorites from her, actually.

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I think that she's exactly right in how valuable it is

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_00]: to fully understand your partner in these ways

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_00]: before entering into a business together

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_00]: and really a relationship together in general.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Leveraging strengths, finding shared interests,

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_00]: spotting triggers, of course.

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00]: These are all critical parts of healthy relationships

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_00]: and their importance is amplified

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00]: should you have not just the commitment of a relationship

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_00]: but also the commitment to be in business together.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00]: But still, while today's article talks about how to thrive

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00]: if you're in business with your partner,

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_00]: there's a lot to ask yourself

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00]: before entering business together too.

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you interested in changing your current work life?

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you comfortable with your lives

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00]: intertwining that much more?

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you prepared for the financial implications

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_00]: of working together?

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Whether or not your marriage lasts?

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Needless to say it is a massive shift

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_00]: and just because we've been taught here today

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00]: about how to optimize a business partnership,

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_00]: it doesn't mean it's right for everyone

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_00]: to enter into in the first place.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_00]: So think about that.

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00]: That'll do it for today everybody.

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you as always for tuning in

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00]: and considering the contents of this article.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Have a great rest of your day

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_00]: and I hope to see you tomorrow for more ORD.

[00:10:30] [SPEAKER_00]: That's where your optimal life awaits.