2303: How to Build Your Self-Worth after a Breakup by Jess Chua with OLD Podcast on Recover from End of A Relationship

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, before we start, you might want to check out our other podcasts covering topics like

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[00:00:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Now, on to the show. This is Optimal Relationships Daily,

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_01]: How to Build Your Self-Worth after a Breakup by Jess Chua with OLD Podcast.com. Hello, everybody,

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and welcome back to the Optimal Relationships Daily podcast. I am your host, narrator,

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_01]: certified life coach, Greg Audino, here with you from Mondays to Fridays to narrate some of the

[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_01]: best relationship content that we can find, with author permission, of course. That includes

[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_01]: parenting, dating, breakup recovery tips, and more. So, let's see what Jess has got,

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_01]: and let's start optimizing your life. How to Build Your Self-Worth after a Breakup

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_01]: by Jess Chua with OLD Podcast.com. You may have been in a toxic relationship and summoned up

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_01]: enough self-worth and courage to get out of it. There's still another step you might feel is

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_01]: insurmountable. How do you build your self-worth after a relationship has ended? Even though you

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_01]: may know that a breakup hurts and takes time to process, it doesn't make it any easier for your

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_01]: heart. There could be many reasons why your sense of self-worth isn't at its best. You wonder if

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_01]: you are damaged goods in one way or another. You wonder if bad luck is why you just can't seem to

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_01]: be in a stable, happy relationship. You wonder if there's something wrong with you when you see all

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_01]: of your friends and relatives coupled. You can't imagine opening up yourself to someone and having

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_01]: your heart broken again. You envision yourself dying alone and unloved at the rate you're going.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_01]: That's the reason for this post today, which outlines some steps you can follow to regain

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_01]: your self-esteem after breaking up with someone who meant the world to you.

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_01]: 1. Shift the focus back onto yourself. If you bent over backwards to try to please

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_01]: your partner in your previous relationships, this is your golden opportunity to reclaim your life

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and define it on your terms. Do the things that truly bring you joy and inspire you.

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_01]: You want to rediscover what life means to you. Have you put any travel, social, or career goals

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_01]: on the back burner? Now's the time to re-evaluate your options and freely explore what makes your

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_01]: heart sing. Focus on cultivating self-love so you can leave codependency in the past,

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_01]: if codependent behavior has been a big pattern in your relationships.

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_01]: 2. Stop thinking about what things could have been. As one of the experts mentioned in our

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_01]: article on getting over a painful breakup, it's pointless to fantasize about what your relationship

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_01]: could have been. Acknowledge what you learned from the relationship, but see it for what it is.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_01]: There must have been some very real reasons that made you or your partner unhappy in the

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_01]: relationship. A good relationship won't take a toll on your self-worth. Goals and priorities need to be

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_01]: aligned for a relationship to have a shot at long-term success. No amount of wishing or dreaming

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_01]: will make a relationship what you want it to be if your core values aren't aligned with your partners.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_01]: 3. Be gentle on yourself. You might be an overachiever, but the post-breakup phase is a

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_01]: difficult time of transition where you can be gentler on yourself. You're adjusting to a

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_01]: different lifestyle and maybe even a different outlook on life. Is it realistic to expect

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: yourself to give everything your 100% under such circumstances? Your world won't collapse if you

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_01]: take a break or schedule in more quiet time to process your thoughts and feelings. In fact,

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_01]: it may just be the thing you need to reflect and emerge wiser and stronger than before.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_01]: 4. Indulge your artistic senses. Dig into your favorite music, art, and films or discover new

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_01]: ones. These pursuits will help you get in touch with processing your emotions. This is not a time

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_01]: to judge or justify your emotions and beat yourself up for being irrational. Just relax and let your

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_01]: creative side experience the themes or emotions from different forms of media. You may find

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_01]: yourself laughing or crying from stories you relate to, or feel better about your situation

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_01]: after realizing someone out there may really have a lot more drama going on in their relationships.

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Feeling your feelings is part of self-knowledge and part of the healing process after a tough

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_01]: experience. 5. Explore and set your personal boundaries.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Knowing your personal boundaries is an act of self-respect which contributes to your self-worth.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Judith Belmont, mental health author and licensed psychotherapist, suggests the following as basic

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_01]: personal rights to protect your emotional space. Being able to say no without feeling guilty.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Wanting to be treated with respect. Making your needs as important as others. To be consistent

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_01]: with your boundaries, keep things simple and express them in a firm, calm manner. Be responsible

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_01]: for your reactions and as Dr. Laura Dabney shares in an Optimal Relationships Daily episode,

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_01]: remember that you aren't responsible if others are disappointed by your standards.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Ask yourself if you are living for yourself or to please others. People will show you more respect

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_01]: once you establish clear and firm boundaries. It also gives you more room for people who are

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_01]: capable of better quality relationships. 6. Surround yourself with supportive people.

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Don't spend all your time with people who have unhealthy ways of coping with life.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Spending time with people who respect you and like you for who you are

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_01]: will help remind you of your better qualities. It will build your confidence and sense of self-worth.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Pets can also be a great source of companionship and friendship. They won't judge or make unrealistic

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_01]: demands of you. 7. Have an identity outside of a relationship.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Celebrate what you are grateful for and set new life goals so you have an identity outside of

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_01]: a relationship. Being mindful of who you are helps you maintain a healthy relationship with others.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_01]: It will give you an inner compass when you do enter a romantic relationship,

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_01]: so that you and your partner can support each other without fear or controlling behaviors.

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_01]: 8. Read about happy single people. There is nothing wrong with being single if you enjoy

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_01]: the unrestricted freedom and autonomy it offers. Far from the notion that single people are

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_01]: miserable, single people are commonly happy because of the freedom they are able to enjoy.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Hack Spirit has an article on 17 reasons why single people are happier and healthier.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01]: So, if deep down you feel happy being by yourself, know that there is nothing wrong with this. Being

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_01]: single gives you a lot more time and freedom to pursue your personal dreams and goals,

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_01]: which is a big priority to many who identify as happy singles.

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_01]: 9. Contribute to your future success and self-worth. Be wise and observant with any

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_01]: the future. As coach Evan Mark Katz shares in a previous episode, don't try to negotiate a future

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01]: too soon with a new partner. It takes lots of time to really get to know someone. The right

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_01]: partner will enhance your life in numerous ways and both of you will be thankful for each other's

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_01]: presence in your daily lives. Above all, keep staying focused on your own definition of personal

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_01]: success so that you can consistently work towards making it a reality. The confidence you gain from

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_01]: living your own life will build a genuine sense of self-worth that nobody can take away from you.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_01]: You just listened to the post titled, How to Build Your Self-Worth After a Breakup by Jess Chua with

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_01]: oldpodcast.com and I'll be back in a moment with my commentary. Nicely done, Jess! Sheesh.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_01]: What I really loved about Jess's article here and what I think might go

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_01]: misunderstood is the fact that all of this emphasis on rebuilding oneself,

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_01]: while extraordinarily healthy on its own, is also the best means of acquiring newer,

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: healthier relationships. As I think Jess illustrates, that shouldn't be the goal,

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01]: as it's yet another form of codependency, but being in touch with who we are and living by

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_01]: our own values puts us in the best position to meet like-minded people if we so choose.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_01]: And if that's not what we want, I really also enjoy what she mentioned in bullet point number

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Being single is just more desirable for some people, and relationships for as valuable as

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_01]: they are, it is something that is often pushed upon us. So thus it's that much more important

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_01]: to be cognizant of whether it's something we really want now in the future or whatever.

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_01]: So with that, let's sign off on today's episode. Thank you so much for joining me

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_01]: here once again. I will be back tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.