2304: 8 Questions About Your Money and Your Spouse by J. Money of Budgets Are Sexy on Marriage & Finances

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello, everybody, and welcome to our weekly bonus episode here on Optimal Relationships

[00:00:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Daily, brought to you by me, Greg Audino.

[00:00:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Now in case you're new to the show, each Sunday, in addition to our regularly scheduled

[00:00:13] [SPEAKER_00]: post, we also do a bonus episode that features a previous airing from another show in our

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_00]: network.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_00]: This way, you can get a taste of everything we have to offer, maybe check out some of

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_00]: our other shows should they touch upon topics you like.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00]: We also cover personal development, health, work, and finance, which today's post will

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00]: be about.

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_00]: So without further ado, let's hear Diana, our narrator on Optimal Finance Daily, read

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_00]: this post and offer her commentary as we optimize your life.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_01]: 1.

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Would you discuss money on the first date?

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean not hardcore like salaries or how much is in my savings or anything, but

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_01]: money in general, no doubt.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Would be hard for me not to when she asks me what I do for a living.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Or perhaps this fine young lady want to date with me from this blog.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Don't mind this, honey.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_01]: 2.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_01]: How long should you wait to talk about money with your spouse?

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like the real money talks will play out naturally over time as the relationship

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_01]: progresses.

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_01]: In the beginning, you find out what each other's spending habits are and long-term

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_01]: goals or priorities.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And then as you talk about moving in and or marriage, you then have the more in-depth

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_01]: discussions.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_01]: At least that's how it's been in my relationships.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Kinda hard to not talk about this stuff unless you're on a mission to divert talks on purpose.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And in which case, you better be diverting the relationship.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Actually, just re-reading this question now and it says with your spouse.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_01]: So you're already married and now want to have the talk?

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Danger!

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_01]: 3.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Who always brings up money in your relationship?

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I do.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Unless we're talking about baby or household related stuff, Mrs. Budgets are Sexy is always

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_01]: trying to find ways to save there while I'm more blasé.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_01]: But it's always me bringing up net worth stuff and grand budgeting ideas.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_01]: She hates talking about money unlike you and I.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_01]: 4.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Is it harder to manage your money as a couple than it was when you were single?

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Not harder necessarily, but more stuff to watch over and manage, especially in the beginning

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_01]: when you each had a billion accounts and you're trying to merge and streamline etc.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_01]: If you even go down that route, we didn't until 4 years into our relationship and I see

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_01]: the pros and cons to either route.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_01]: But overall it's not that much harder really, just more money and bills to play with.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: 5.

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Would you offer to pay off your spouse's debt?

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, we had a post about this sometime last year titled, When you say I do, who pays the

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_01]: debt?

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_01]: But I'd like to think I would if that were the case between my wife and I.

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Always easier in theory though, huh?

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Luckily my wife was good with money too and came in debt free.

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Even if I didn't pay it off directly though, we would have just set aside more of her income

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_01]: towards paying it off faster, which means less income into the household in general

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_01]: since our finances are now merged.

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_01]: So it would really be the same thing at the end of the day anyways.

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_01]: 6.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Is debt a deal breaker?

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Nah, probably not.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_01]: If I like or love a chick then it really doesn't matter, unless we're talking like $100,000

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_01]: or $200,000 and not from college.

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm pretty sure consumer habits like that would make us not get along anyways, so we'd

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: never make it that far.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Unless she was hot!

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Just kidding.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_01]: 7.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Do you think it's important to have the same money views?

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I do, or at least views that are compatible.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Kinda like how I'm all hyperactive and a big dreamer whereas my wife is more reserved

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_01]: and realistic.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_01]: We're opposites but it's a good mixture.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Same goes with money, only the opposites probably can't be as extreme.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Money affects everything though, from homes to cars to lifestyles to even having kids,

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_01]: so it's crazy important.

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_01]: One side all out of whack and it'll be the end in no time, especially if the two sides

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_01]: are stubborn.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Isn't money like the main or second reason people divorce?

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Right up there with infidelity?

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_01]: 8.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Can you really change how your spouse spends money?

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I think so, but I wouldn't phrase it like that to your spouse.

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_01]: We can all change our habits whether it's money related or not, but the more important

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_01]: question is do you want to change your habits?

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Lots of people love the way they manage their money even if it's not the right way of doing

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_01]: things per all the gurus out there.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_01]: But if your spouse isn't happy with it, well you gotta decide whether it's important or

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_01]: not to work on or else trouble's on the horizon.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, people can totally change and you could even just structure things differently

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_01]: so it makes it easier for them to do so.

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Like when one side wants to spend more than the other and hates when they're getting checked

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_01]: up on all the time, doing something like setting up separate spend as you wish funds

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_01]: specifically for that reason can be a lifesaver for both parties.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_01]: One side gets to splurge with no questions asked and the other knows exactly how it will

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_01]: affect the budget because both parties agreed on this specific number ahead of time.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_01]: You just listened to the post titled 8 Questions About Your Money And Your Spouse by Jmoney

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01]: of BudgetsAreSexy.com.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_01]: This article made me think of a great Facebook group called Singles In The Pursuit Of Financial

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Independence.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_01]: While I'm not single, I joined this group because I included a speed dating session as

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_01]: a part of the last economy conference.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_01]: This activity was getting some discussion in the group so I joined to answer questions

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01]: and encourage people to participate.

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_01]: But I have to tell you, I'm really enjoying the thoughtfulness and great discussions I'm

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_01]: seeing in this Facebook group so I've been chiming in with additional thoughts around

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_01]: love and money.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: One group member mentioned they had met someone they really connected with.

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_01]: It felt like a once in a lifetime connection and he was totally infatuated with this woman.

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_01]: But she didn't care much about personal finance and he was hesitant to allow himself to continue

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_01]: to fall for her because he worried she wouldn't make a good life partner.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_01]: This seemed a bit silly to me for a few reasons.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Firstly, it's a rare thing to experience fireworks with another person so when it

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_01]: comes along I think it's a good idea to savor it.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Many people are in our lives for a season and ultimately will not stand the test of

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_01]: time so I think it's best to remember that it's better to have loved and lost than never

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: to have loved at all.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Infatuation with another human is an incredible life experience, something no amount of money

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_01]: can buy.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_01]: You can still enjoy it without it having to lead to marriage or a lifelong partnership.

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And secondly, he was definitely putting the cart before the horse and trying to solve

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_01]: for a problem that didn't exist.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_01]: This was a new relationship, they weren't making plans at this point for a serious commitment

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_01]: so to cut it short over a mismatch on financial goals felt premature to me.

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Money is an incredible tool that we can use to build a rich life experience but if we

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_01]: don't have our priorities straight, we might unintentionally use it to build a wall around

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_01]: our hearts.

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_01]: That'll do it for today and another installment of Optimal Finance Daily.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Have a happy Thursday, thank you for being here every day and listening and I'll see

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01]: you on the Friday show tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.